Sunday, 18 December 2011
Stresses and Seasonal Greetings
Last Wednesday was up there in the top five most stressful days in my entire life, not least because when I awoke at silly o'clock, it quickly became apparent that boy cat had been very busy indeed. It looked like Christmas had come early in our house because he had found the five pack of kit kats on the kitchen counter and torn the packaging apart, resulting in tiny little bits of silver wrapping all over the floor and one cat looking very guilty indeed, if not very definitely green around the gills. He's very lucky I've already bought him his whiskas stocking for Christmas.
I was already in window licking mode as it was, because I was due to be at the BBC studios in Glasgow at 7.45am at the latest, to do a radio interview. "Right, ( I thought ) if it's an escort they want then an escort they shall fecking well have". By the time the car came to pick me up I was primped and preened to perfection. Yes, I know that they were in another studio hundreds of miles away but that's not the point, I didn't want to slope into the building in my jeans and trainers, just - no.
When I say a "car" was sent to pick me up, actually a more accurate description would be a local taxi with the most intellectually challenged man ever to grace this earth therein. To cut a very long story short, he got hopelessly lost, in spite of having not one, but two sat navs. Meanwhile, he continued to make small talk -
"Whit are ye deen at the BBC hen ?"
"Um, I'm doing an interview".
"Oh aye, whit aboot ?"
"I'm a meteorologist and I'm going to talk about Hurricane Bawbag".
( Sometimes I could cheerfully kick myself up the arse, but it was a split second thing. )
My phone went again and it was the producer - "Right Laura, can't wait anymore so we'll be coming to you in about 5 minutes, also, can you stay on after nine and do the phone in ?" Deep panic set in now, there was no way I could do the interview in the taxi not least because by now the driver had lost it completely and was shrieking at the sat nav. So I asked him to stop the car and hopped out, right outside the STV studios ( which I later discovered is about 30 seconds from where I was supposed to be ). I found what looked like a relatively quiet spot around the side of the building and the interview began. We were about thirty seconds into it when around the corner came a forty foot articulated lorry with two smiling Weegies in it. "ALRIGHT DOLL ?" I tried desperately to gesture to them to keep it down, but ended up resembling a demented octopus and in the end just gave up.
I could have cried with relief when the producer said the first segment was over and I had about 40 minutes until the next one. Finally, I made it to the studio for that piece and some very kind soul handed me a mug of tea too. Overall, I felt the debate went OK, primarily I wanted to get the piece in about the legislation and I managed that, so I was quite pleased. I was far less pleased when I discovered that after they finished my bit they let a rad fem have free reign, I would dearly love to know how she can possibly consider paid sex between two consenting adults to be rape. Ho hum. The link to the piece is here. As regards the argument itself in relation to students "turning to prostitution", for as long as there has been prostitution and students, then there have been students IN prostitution, it's really that simple. I said I had noticed a marked increase in "newbies" but from across the board, not just students. As regards Peter Stringfellow's assertion that his "entertainers" don't count as part of the sex industry - um, right. Perhaps I should have told him that many years and several stone ago I worked as a dancer in London, which is all I will say on that. ;)
Anyway, I'm fully booked from now until Wednesday night, firstly taking some time with that slave of mine for our own unique brand of fun on the East coast to include a chest wax ( heh heh ), one final booking on Wed night in Glasgow and then I'm off. La Cub and I are off to The Motherland on Thursday to visit the clan, so all in all I won't be back in sunny Glasgow until December 27th.
It just remains for me to wish you all, a very Merry Christmas. Kick back and enjoy the rest and relaxation and I'll catch up with you when I get back.