LAURA'S DIARY

Cross dressers and crankiness

2012-01-25T18:02:00.006Z

Oh God, how awful. I'm in a hotel room in Perth after a hard day at the helm and the people upstairs have made it their business to ensure that the whole hotel knows they're having sex. I DON'T CARE, and what's more, she's sooo faking it. I have a good mind to go and knock on their door and inform them of that because any more of those fake huge exhalations and she'll need an inhaler, so really, I'm doing them a favour.

I said in my last blog that there were far more serious things to be discussed and there are, I'm just too weary and battle worn to do it tonight. Instead, I fancy a brief word on "discretion".

"Discretion" is a word you'll see bandied about on various websites, but in my case, I mean it literally. Moving swiftly on from the man in Belfast who thought he could sail through reception with a life-sized cross on his back, we come to my client this morning.

"I like to cross dress, is that a problem ?"

"Not at all, looking forward to meeting you".

I thought I was going to meet a suited and booted man with a backpack containing all the niceties he would like to change into.

Oh no.

When I opened my door ( in a quiet Perthshire hotel where every fecker is noticed ), there stood an apparition. A 6'2 man in a bright purple dress, with thick black woollen tights, a shiny and sparkling belt, black high heels and a matching black clutch bag. The look was complete with a bright red wig and matching lipstick, all topped off with huge dark sunglasses.

For a moment, I thought I was going to faint, ( you know that awful feeling of blood rushing through your ears ) but after I gathered my senses I grabbed him by the handbag strap into the room.

"ARE YOU QUITE MAD?"

"No, it's fine, I've been told I'm quite believable as a woman".

Jesus wept.

I had fully prepared myself for the eventuality that the manager was going to ask me to leave the hotel, ASAP, but when I went down for lunch he flashed me a grin and said - " No rest for the wicked, eh ?"

He's not kidding.

LL xx

Animal Antics

2012-01-20T21:07:00.005Z

You know that feeling, that dreadful feeling like when you're in a lift which goes up really quickly and leaves your stomach behind ? That's how I felt on Saturday. Allow me to explain.

I had not long arrived back with several primed princesses from the Irn Bru Carnival; by primed I mean that they had overloaded on candy floss and sugary drinks and it was with a great sense of relief that I handed them over ( frothing at the mouth and cross eyed ) to their ( um, grateful ? ) parents. Job done, and several "sleepovers" owed to me, result.

There was no sign of boy cat, highly unusual in that ordinarily when the car pulls up I'm met with the meow concerto in A minor, i.e. "feed me now woman and some hugs wouldn't go amiss either". MIA, a huge worry.

Eventually and after much calling and whistling, he arrived at the back door. Usually he'd sprint a la Sebastian Coe for his food bowl, but he hung his head and wasn't even headbutting my leg for cuddles. Eventually he arrived at my feet, passed some blood from you know, there, and keeled over, hence my stomach crashing to the floor. I called the 24 hour vet, who told me to bring him straight in, we were there in eight minutes. It would seem that my boy had a severe blow to the abdomen, either caused by a car, or .. ( wait for it ) a boot from a ned.

The reason the vet mentioned a boot from a ned is that we are all aware that there are people out there who just do not like cats, but therein lies the irony. He is such a beautiful boy that it has been suggested to me that he would be an ideal candidate to bring around to retirement homes to cheer the inhabitants because he is a lap whore, any warm lap accompanied by cuddles will do, he's really not fussy. Very many people who "don't like cats" have met him and fallen in love with him, that's just his nature.

So, for the life of me, I fail to understand why anyone would hit a cat in their car and keep going and worse, why ANYONE would kick him. I just don't get it.

On Saturday night I was told that he was up to his furry ears in painkillers and that I hadn't to worry, but by Sunday that had changed. He had a perforated bladder, if it was a small tear it could be repaired there and then at the surgery, if it was really badly torn, he would need to go to a specialist veterinary hospital in Glasgow on Monday morning and there was no guarantee he'd pull through. On that basis, I asked if I could see him, and flew down to the vets. We had a cuddle and a kiss and I cried until I thought my eyes were going to shrivel up. Later that night came the phone call to tell me he was deteriorating and they couldn't wait for Glasgow, they had to operate there and then.

I don't think this blog is the appropriate place to discuss my faith, suffice to say I have a very strong faith and regularly have animated discussions with the powers that be.

"I don't ask for much, I really don't, but please let him pull through".

Several Hail Mary's later and he was in recovery and doing well, I cried my lamps out again but this time from relief. In the interim, I had to cancel my Carlisle tour, sorry guys but my children come first - furry and actual. You know, outside my Domme persona, I'm not a violent person, I'm really not, but I would dearly love five minutes alone with whoever hurt my boy and just left him there.

Finally, yesterday we got him home. He is skin and bone and very clingy but the main thing is he's OK. I sat down last night with a black and white stole in the form of boy cat to watch TV when the cry went up -

"MUM, FATTY HAS A WET TAIL".

Oh, dear God. This was a reference to "Fatima", our hamster - and apparently if her tail is a mess of um ... "stuff", it means big trouble and perhaps a full military honours funeral.

So back down to the vets we went, ( you really couldn't make this up ). The vet felt so sorry for me having paid £150 for an out of hours consultation fee for boy cat that she only charged me £35 to see Fatty. She's OK, she has an infection and is on anti-biotics, huge fun is to be had in administering that, via a syringe down the throat of a terrified small animal.

"GODAMMIT, I'M DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD."

The good news is that at least the feckin' snake is OK, he observed the circus with a wry grin whilst digesting his small white mouse, ( *boak* - not fed by me, I hasten to add ).

So, on Monday I'm off to Perth and I really hope that in the interim The Waltons behave themselves. I mean I've never asked for perfection but Jaysus, give me a break.

There are lots more serious things for discussion which I will do over the next couple of days, in the comfort of a hotel room and away from syringes and furry creatures, so, I will catch up with you from Perth.

LL xx

On that feckin' Ebay again ...

2012-01-13T20:25:00.004Z

.... and the following description of a car for sale made me spray my screen liberally with coco pops ;

Attention Teenage Drug Dealers / Low Life & Oxygen Thieves

If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before you're 20, this could be the answer to your prayers.

A proper bastardized, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive through burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little MG ZR. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. You just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already.

Dig out your favorite unwashed "Um bro" hoody and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with your ugly chav kids and know one would see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fellas. You know that they like a ride like this.

To complete the proper drug dealer look, maybe you could add a tasteless stripe from the front to the rear in "Air Max" white it really wouldn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 38 than to drive round in this bit of shit and look a complete prick. I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. Cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.

For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tattoo of something utterly meaningless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.

If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really will attract the attention of the local constabulary. You'll struggle to drift pass any patrol car. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Spliff in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this.

The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbors will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. Your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.

For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?

Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers license and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid.

Surely the man deserves the asking price for his "motor" if for no other reason than to recompense him for the time and effort put into that description.

LL xx

Reports and re-homing

2012-01-04T22:56:00.008Z

Good evening and greetings from Belfast where I am chilling out with a hot choccy, a bag of Maltesers ( less than 200 calories per bag, you know ) and some Tayto cheese and onion ( calories unknown, probably horrendous ). This has been a wonderful tour in many respects, not least because of it's diversity. I have been MAD busy but in a very lovely way. Today for example, I kicked a man around my hotel room ( as you do ) for an hour, then met with a very sexy PHD student who wanted to cover me in custard ( God damn those private gallery pics, they are the scourge of my life ) and finally, I met with a very dominant man, who wanted to take control from the start, so he put the money on the side as he came in and my only responses to him were "Thank you Sir".

If I think about it too much I'll go blind.

On Monday I met some interesting guys too, in fact on Monday night I was invited to the Hilton for a dinner date and I sprinted out the door like Roadrunner, anything to escape Belfast's answer to Butlins, ( my usual destination was fully booked ). Whilst I was sashaying through the hotel I ( almost literally ) bumped into Christine Bleakley, my God but she is tall !! She looks like such a small, slight woman on the telly. She's also teeth grindingly gorgeous, grrrrr. Monday also saw me getting a brand new review here , thank you, it was my pleasure too.

Meanwhile, back on the ranch, my menagerie has been growing. No, I'm not popping out little Lee's but if I don't stop watching the new series of "One born every minute", I can't promise anything. First off, you will recall the discussion that was had recently regarding tortoises. In the end, we decided that was never going to work because you can't put them on a lead, nor tickle their bellies and what's worse, they go to sleep for a large portion of the year, battle won.

Unfortunately, the little light of my life had a Plan B - a hamster. Said hamster arrived chez nous around four weeks ago now, and to be fair is settling in well. Boy cat was not too impressed with the new arrival at all, but he was soon to find out what happens when a cat presses their face up to the cage of a hamster who really doesn't welcome their presence, a sharp nip to the nose. He retreated, and has since spent his time backing up against the wall whenever she is out and about in her hamster ball, rolling about the living room. I have told him that he is a disgrace to cats everywhere, an embarrassment in fact and he should be hunting her, but he just gives me a complacent look and curls up, so I guess she wins.

You would think that the new arrival would be enough, wouldn't you ? No. La Princess found the web presence of Inverclyde reptile rescue. Ahem, where I come from St. Patrick drove out all of the snakes but not in Scotland it would seem. Cue the arrival of a very cute but very needy Royal Python, aptly named by us as "Harry". He has taken up residence in my bedroom and needs a heat light to maintain his body temp at approx 31 degrees. We had to buy a heat pad and specialist box to keep him, but he seems happy enough.

I should just explain at this juncture that my bedroom is no longer my bedroom, it's more like Noah's Ark. You see, we didn't do our research on hamsters before buying our new cutie, so we didn't know that the feckers are nocturnal. It's fair to say, that we have adopted the Fatima Whitbread of hamsters, she runs on her wheel like prohibition is coming in and what's worse, she stores her sunflower seeds in her pouch and carries them up to the wheel so they make a very impressive clackety-clack sound when she runs. On that basis, she lasted two nights in La Princess's room and is now a permanent feature in mine, oh joy.

If anyone has an animal that needs to be re homed, just drop me an email, I don't see why not, every other fecker is here.

LL xx

Happy New Year - My Way

2011-12-31T12:17:00.005Z

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final night in,
My friend, I'll make it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full,
Travelled every feckin' highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, there's been a few;
But then again, I cannae mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through with much discretion.

I planned each pre-booked tour;
Each careful step, stuck on the motorway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spat it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
In high heels anyway.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of schmoozing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is a girl, what has she got?
If not herself, then she has naught.
To say the things she truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way.

Happy New Year, one and all. :)

LL xx

An Australian sex worker speaks out ....

2011-12-30T15:36:00.003Z

All I want for Christmas is the decriminalisation of sex work because it's the gift that keeps on giving - not just to me. I'm not being selfish, even though it would benefit me as a sex worker in South Australia, where sex work is criminalised.

For me, decriminalisation would mean I have the same workplace rights as every other worker in South Australia. It would mean I could call on police in an emergency rather than put myself in danger trying to avoid them. It would mean I don't have to find places to hide my condoms in case they are used against me as evidence. It would mean I could be clear with potential clients about my service and my limitations without fearing they are an undercover police officer.

It would mean my criminal record for receiving money in a brothel, from 15 years ago, would be cleared rather than being kept on file forever as a 'sex crime.' For me and thousands of criminalised sex workers in Australia, it would mean I could prioritise my own health and safety over police evasion.

But this is not just a gift to me and other sex workers in SA; it is also a gift to our state and our country. South Australia was the second place in the world to give women the vote, and the first place in the world to allow women to stand for parliament.

We were the first place in the country to decriminalise homosexual sex between males, to introduce a public housing scheme, to introduce anti discrimination legislation, to legalise abortion (in some circumstances) and we were the first in the 'English speaking world' to make rape in marriage illegal. South Australia has been a leader on social policy in many areas, but our sex work laws are letting the team down.

The laws, which are contained in the Summary Offences Act 1953 and the Criminal Law Consolidation Act 1935, are the oldest in the country. We could be showing some direction to the nation on this issue and reclaiming our place amongst the world leaders on progressive social policy.

Instead we continue to waste public resources by actively policing what, even the police commissioner agrees, are archaic and unworkable laws, while our politicians go through theirseventh attempt at law reform. None of this time or money spent is helping otherwise law abiding sex workers, nor is it addressing the concerns of the wider community.

South Australia is in an excellent position to consider the models of sex industry regulation being used around us. Every state and territory in Australia has a different version of criminalisation and regulation, and in the case of NSW, decriminalisation.

New Zealand, (the first place in the world to give women the vote) decriminalised sex work 10 years ago. A multi agency evaluation report shows successful outcomes for sex workers health rights and wellbeing, and no negative outcome for the general public. We have Australian reports that support decriminalisation as best practice, such as those coming out from the Laws and Sexual Health (LASH) research. Scarlet Alliance and all the Scarlet Alliance members, organised sex workers speaking through our projects and organisations networking with sex work projects nationally and internationally, all are asking for decriminalisation.

It would be such an easy wish to grant. Just like in NSW and NZ we already have all the laws in place that can give sex workers access to industrial protections, ensure there are occupational health and safety standards, minimise public amenity issues, ensure environmental and public health and protect workers against exploitation.

Once the laws that criminalise sex workers are removed, all the laws that apply to every other worker, workplace and business will apply to sex workers and the sex industry. All the research, evaluating, experimenting and law making is already done for us - we just need to amend the Acts that criminalise us.

And it wouldn't just be a Christmas gift to me and the approximately 1000 other sex workers in our state, the many more who have left the industry but still have a lifelong police record, and the many sex workers who will come after me - but it would be a gift to the South Australian community as a whole.

New Zealand has shown us that decriminalisation does not result in a brothel on every corner. In fact, the sex industry did not grow at all in NZ after decriminalisation. Removing the laws that criminalise sex workers and giving us access to the same rights and responsibilities as other workers and citizens, means that existing laws can address many of the concerns of our neighbours and communities effectively. Surely it is easier to address a parking issue with current laws that deal with parking, rather than 1930's brothel laws.

Decriminalisation also sends a message to the community that everyone deserves to be safe. December 17 was international day to end violence against sex workers. Decriminalisation supports sex workers' safety by removing the barriers sex workers face when accessing police, allowing sex workers to work in ways that are safe and by reducing stigma against sex workers - all of which impact on sex workers safety. Anything that reduces violence against a particular group of people is a gift to the whole community.

So this year my Christmas wish is for South Australia to continue its proud tradition of leading the way in progressive and non discriminatory social policy by decriminalising sex work, and once again show the world that giving people basic rights will not result in the sky falling in.

Ari Reid is the Vice-President of Scarlet Alliance, Australian Sex Workers Association.

I found this ....

2011-12-29T17:02:00.005Z

.... on the intertubeswebthingy and rather liked it. It draws a comparison between Gillian McKeith (or to give her her full medical title - Gillian McKeith) and that kinkstress of the kitchen, Nigella Lawson.

I know which one I'd rather be. On the basis that it will help me avoid facial lines, I am off to dive headfirst into a warm choccy fudge cake, ( pouring cream optional ).

LL xx

Follow ups and Formspring

2011-12-29T15:52:00.002Z

While I was away in The Green Isle, I see that Lynne from Quay Services in Aberdeen has put up a response to my condemnation of Grampian police and their tactics, on Harlot's Parlour. I'm very encouraged that Quay Services have approached the police about their conduct too and I know they offer fantastic support to sex workers.
Her letter is below -

Hi Laura

My name is Lynne and I work for Quay Services in Aberdeen. It was interesting and thought-provoking to read your thoughts in response to The Kennedy report and I notice that you refer to information on our website regarding the approach that Grampian Police are implementing in Grampian. I felt it important to respond to your blog entry as I would like to clarify what Quay Services is about and also clarify the reasons as to why the information regarding the police is featured on our website.

Quay Services provides free condoms, lube, panic alarms and information/support to women working in the sex industry in Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire. Our main priority is ensuring the safety of women whilst they are working as much as possible. We also provide support to women on going to college, employment, housing etc. Recently we have had contact from several women working independently as escorts who have experienced Grampian Police turning up at their place of work. This has caused much panic and women have subsequently been in touch with us to raise their concern and seek an understanding of what is happening. As such, we have liaised with Grampian Police in order to gain a better understanding of their approach so that this will allow us to inform women and hopefully offer some reassurance.

As you have highlighted, there appears to be a diverse approach operating within the different police forces across Scotland. Our intention of having this information on our website is purely to make women aware of the purpose of Grampian Police with regards to women sex working in Grampian.

In relation to your comment regarding how information taken by Grampian Police may stop you getting a job working with children or in the caring profession, I understand that this must be a very real concern. However, we have been told by Grampian Police that the information gained by them regarding women who are working off-street is kept confidential within a small team in Grampian Police and as such would not appear on a PVG check.

Quay Services has taken on board your comments and are changing how the information regarding the Police approach appears on our website to clarify our role at Quay Services.

We at Quay Services are open to any feedback that you could offer which would help women working off-street. Your comments and input would be gratefully received.

Many thanks,
Lynne
Quay Services Worker

I think it would be beneficial to contact Lynne directly at this juncture and also put the finishing touches on my letter to the Chief Constable of Grampian police too.

Just to let you know, I have once again opened Formspring and you will find a link on my blog page. I have always kept up to date with reading other people's answers and really enjoyed them so thought I'd give it another whirl myself. That said, any questions which are blatantly from anti's, disgruntled or just mad members of the industry or worse, their lapdogs ( not to mention knuckle dragging cavemen ) will simply be deleted, so please don't waste your time.

I'm off to Belfast on Monday so will catch up with you from there.

LL xx

Stresses and Seasonal Greetings

2011-12-18T16:21:00.021Z

Last Wednesday was up there in the top five most stressful days in my entire life, not least because when I awoke at silly o'clock, it quickly became apparent that boy cat had been very busy indeed. It looked like Christmas had come early in our house because he had found the five pack of kit kats on the kitchen counter and torn the packaging apart, resulting in tiny little bits of silver wrapping all over the floor and one cat looking very guilty indeed, if not very definitely green around the gills. He's very lucky I've already bought him his whiskas stocking for Christmas.

I was already in window licking mode as it was, because I was due to be at the BBC studios in Glasgow at 7.45am at the latest, to do a radio interview. "Right, ( I thought ) if it's an escort they want then an escort they shall fecking well have". By the time the car came to pick me up I was primped and preened to perfection. Yes, I know that they were in another studio hundreds of miles away but that's not the point, I didn't want to slope into the building in my jeans and trainers, just - no.

When I say a "car" was sent to pick me up, actually a more accurate description would be a local taxi with the most intellectually challenged man ever to grace this earth therein. To cut a very long story short, he got hopelessly lost, in spite of having not one, but two sat navs. Meanwhile, he continued to make small talk -

"Whit are ye deen at the BBC hen ?"

"Um, I'm doing an interview".

"Oh aye, whit aboot ?"

"I'm a meteorologist and I'm going to talk about Hurricane Bawbag".
( Sometimes I could cheerfully kick myself up the arse, but it was a split second thing. )

My phone went again and it was the producer - "Right Laura, can't wait anymore so we'll be coming to you in about 5 minutes, also, can you stay on after nine and do the phone in ?" Deep panic set in now, there was no way I could do the interview in the taxi not least because by now the driver had lost it completely and was shrieking at the sat nav. So I asked him to stop the car and hopped out, right outside the STV studios ( which I later discovered is about 30 seconds from where I was supposed to be ). I found what looked like a relatively quiet spot around the side of the building and the interview began. We were about thirty seconds into it when around the corner came a forty foot articulated lorry with two smiling Weegies in it. "ALRIGHT DOLL ?" I tried desperately to gesture to them to keep it down, but ended up resembling a demented octopus and in the end just gave up.

I could have cried with relief when the producer said the first segment was over and I had about 40 minutes until the next one. Finally, I made it to the studio for that piece and some very kind soul handed me a mug of tea too. Overall, I felt the debate went OK, primarily I wanted to get the piece in about the legislation and I managed that, so I was quite pleased. I was far less pleased when I discovered that after they finished my bit they let a rad fem have free reign, I would dearly love to know how she can possibly consider paid sex between two consenting adults to be rape. Ho hum. The link to the piece is here. As regards the argument itself in relation to students "turning to prostitution", for as long as there has been prostitution and students, then there have been students IN prostitution, it's really that simple. I said I had noticed a marked increase in "newbies" but from across the board, not just students. As regards Peter Stringfellow's assertion that his "entertainers" don't count as part of the sex industry - um, right. Perhaps I should have told him that many years and several stone ago I worked as a dancer in London, which is all I will say on that. ;)

Anyway, I'm fully booked from now until Wednesday night, firstly taking some time with that slave of mine for our own unique brand of fun on the East coast to include a chest wax ( heh heh ), one final booking on Wed night in Glasgow and then I'm off. La Cub and I are off to The Motherland on Thursday to visit the clan, so all in all I won't be back in sunny Glasgow until December 27th.

It just remains for me to wish you all, a very Merry Christmas. Kick back and enjoy the rest and relaxation and I'll catch up with you when I get back.

LL xx

A letter from the IUSW to the Scottish Police

2011-12-17T10:59:00.005Z

Below is the text of the letter that myself, Amanda and many other activists will be sending to every Chief Constable in Scotland today.

Dear *insert name*,

We write to you in recognition of International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, today December 17th, to request information about your force’s policy on public protection for people in the sex industry.

People in the sex industry are often targeted for violent crime by perpetrators who know we are reluctant to contact the police due to fear of arrest. We are asking police forces nationwide to adopt the “Merseyside Model”. With the assistance of specialist services, Liverpool police are achieving a 68% detection rate for rapes committed against sex workers and a 90% conviction rate for other crimes of violence.

We ask you to meet with representatives of the International Union of Sex Workers and UK Network of Sex Work Projects to discuss this.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Many thanks, and all best wishes for the holiday season.

Let's hope we get a positive response.

LL xx

Reports and remonstrations

2011-12-08T20:29:00.003Z

Two brand new shiny reviews, here and here. Thanks Misters !!

While I remember it, huge thanks to David Cameron for the recent invaluable advice offered to the parents of those children without a teacher during the industrial action on Wednesday. "Take the kids to work".

Oh aye, because that will work. I should have taken herself to Belfast with me.

"Not now sweetpea, Mammy just needs to whip this naughty man and then I'll be right with you, we'll go to McDonalds I promise."

Brilliant.

LL xx

The Kennedy report

2011-12-06T22:13:00.007Z

Greetings from Inverness where it is so cold I have parts of me going hard that I didn't know I possessed. Ho hum.

I've been reading the report from the recent inquiry on human trafficking, chaired as it was by Baroness Helena Kennedy. The link to the report is here.
In total the report came up with ten findings, the most relevant to the sex industry being number one -

Scotland needs to have a comprehensive strategy to prevent and tackle human trafficking.

I can only agree with that, because as it stands, the "strategies" being adopted by the various police forces are diverse, to say the least. Firstly, there is Edinburgh, where there is a tolerance of parlours and to some extent, working flats also. The police there will visit the parlours regularly and ensure that the women are working of their own accord and are not being forced to do any acts they are unhappy with. In general "Indie's" are left alone to get on with their work, which is the way it should be.

Ms. Kennedy was quoted as saying that the police "aren't doing anything" which in the case of Strathclyde's finest in Glasgow, is untrue and unfair. In Glasgow they have been leafleting inner city flats with flyers in several different languages and where there have been foreign nationals present they have been raiding. Again, they seem to be leaving the Indie's alone.

However, in Aberdeen, there is a whole new approach being taken. I have taken the following passage from this leaflet issued by Quay Services in Aberdeen.

"Grampian Police are under duty to respond to any concerns regarding criminal activity from members of the public. If someone e.g. housekeeping/hotel staff, neighbours etc alert the Police to any activity that is deemed by them as suspicious e.g. different individuals coming to and from a flat, different women coming and going from a flat, noises that would indicate that the property was being used for sex etc, then the Police may visit the property.

This is because they are looking for any criminal activity related to prostitution and looking to ensure the safety of off-street sex workers.

Their main concerns include:

* Ensuring women’s safety
* Ensuring that there is no coercion/force i.e. human trafficking and making sure that the women present are working of their own free will
* Confirmation of identity i.e. women are who they say they are
* The prevention of bigger crimes - Grampian Police are of the opinion that this method of engaging with off-street sex workers may help to prevent larger scale crimes such as robberies and attacks on women by punters. It is hoped that by building a better rapport and trust with Grampian Police, women may feel more comfortable and able to inform Police about crimes committed against them, and ultimately feel more protected by Grampian Police.
* Grampian Police are keen to share information with off-street sex workers regarding dodgy punters and also wish to provide safety advice.

If the Police do come to your door, they will be looking to ascertain that you are working of your own free will and that you are working within the boundaries of the law. The main objective of the Police is to establish that women are working of their own free will and are not being commercially sexually exploited.

What normally happens next is that the Police will take your photograph – they do this because if something happened to you then they would be able to identify you more quickly and would help inform their investigation. The photograph is only seen by a small team of Officers who are working within the sex industry department of Grampian Police.

The Police will also take your contact details and run them through the Police National Computer (PNC check), a computer database system that is used by law enforcement agencies across the UK. They are looking for any outstanding warrants or any previous criminal convictions that they should be aware of. This is no different to what happens with ‘on-street’ sex workers.

If you are with a punter when Grampian Police turn up, they also will take a photograph and personal details from the punter (if he/she is present at the time of the Police visit). The punter’s details are also run through the PNC. This is also for your safety, to ensure that the punter is not a dangerous criminal or is wanted by the Police.

As long as there is no evidence of criminal activity or brothel keeping, then the Police will take no action. After Grampian Police have visited and are satisfied that you are working independently, they will ask you to call or text them next time that you are working in Aberdeen. This is because: if a hotel or serviced flat, for example, do contact them again with the same issues such as men coming to and from the property, then they will be able to confirm that you are not doing anything illegal. Then it is up to the individual establishment to decide whether they wish to take any action, such as asking you to leave.

The decision to ask you to leave is made by the venue and not at the insistence of Grampian Police, unless they have had a specific complaint.
Grampian Police wish to establish a good rapport with women working in prostitution. They want to help prevent crimes happening against you e.g. punter robberies, brothel involvement etc. By communicating with the Police about when you are working in Aberdeen, they endeavour to be able to pass onto you any information that is relevant to your wellbeing, such as giving details of a dodgy punter for you to look out for. And vice versa."

So let me just sum that up for you. Where there is a well known independent escort working quite legally in Aberdeen, the police will come to the premises and in spite of the fact she has committed no crime, they will take her name, her photograph and that of her client, who has also committed no crime. Lest we forget, this is in case of "trafficking". The bit that really irked me was this - "Then it is up to the individual establishment to decide whether they wish to take any action, such as asking you to leave." So picture the scene, plod arrive at a hotel and explain to the management that they are paying a visit to room 123 because there is a prostitute working there. OF COURSE THEY'RE GOING TO WANT HER OUT. So this "welfare" visit being conducted by the police amounts to little more than ensuring the lady is flung out of her accommodation, exactly how does that go towards ensuring her safety ?

As for the claim that only a select few of the vice unit will have the information gleaned, I'm confident that that's not the case either. The lady's details will be recorded on internal police intelligence files and she will be tagged as a "known prostitute". In real terms that means that if and when she ever applies for a Disclosure Scotland check, she will be turned down for any job that involves working with vulnerable people, such as children and disabled people.

To put that into context for you, I am the Mother of a stroppy ten year old. Never have my parenting skills been called into question and I have never had any contact with social services etc, however, if I apply for a job as a childminder, I'll be turned down, because I am a prostitute.

Also, I am registered with the TLC website and see quite a few disabled clients. So, it's perfectly OK ( and legal ) for me to have intimate sexual contact with them, but if I apply for a job as their carer, I'll be turned down, because I am a prostitute.

As is evident from the above, there is no unity in the actions of the police at all, different forces appear to be using entirely different tactics. Let's hope that Ms. Kennedy's vision of Scotland as a "centre for excellence" includes a marked improvement in the treatment of native sex workers because as it stands at the moment, in some areas it is nothing short of disgraceful.

It is a shame that when I wrote to Ms. Kennedy some time ago suggesting that we meet, my request was completely ignored,in spite of her statement in her report which said that she wanted to meet with victims first hand, and hear their stories. Therein lies the ultimate irony, because as a sex worker in Scotland I am a victim too. I am a victim of prejudice, stigma, social isolation and hatred not to mention being at the mercy of the various police forces.

Had I had the chance to meet Ms. Kennedy, my suggestion to tackle trafficking was a very straightforward and simple one. Who are the people ( aside from the traffickers themselves ) who come into regular contact with the women who so desperately need our help ? The CLIENTS. Ergo, what is needed is a move to open the channels of communication between the police and the clients. Any client should feel able to phone the police, explain that he visited a flat and wasn't happy with what he saw and KNOW that he can report it in complete confidence, with no long term ramifications for him, such as a record of him as a "punter".

Secondly, I strongly advocate a dramatic improvement in the relationship between sex workers and the police too. Having read my rant above, you'd be forgiven for thinking I have a dislike of the police. Not at all, in fact when I came up against an abusive client who was engaging in stalking behaviour I found them to be very supportive and they couldn't have been more helpful. However, whilst tactics similar to those that are happening in Aberdeen continue, then the gap will widen and a deeper mistrust will develop between "us and them". If a woman phones a flat looking for a job and when she gets there finds foreign nationals in a state of fear, will she report it when she knows she will then be tagged for life as a "known prostitute" ? Thought not.

I'm off to find a suitable surface to kick repeatedly, but I'll leave you with this wonderful quote from Ms. Kennedy -

"I take the view that the vast majority of women do indeed become prostitutes out of complex combinations of negative experiences, but for me the law should not make the judgement that, when a woman claims autonomy, she is in fact misguided."

LL xx

I'm still here .....

2011-12-02T20:25:00.003Z

.... just very busy, and also in the process of moving this here blog to a wordpress platform as part of my website.

I will catch up very soon I promise.

In the meantime, cute kitty, LOOK !!

LL xx

P.S : Baroness Kennedy's report on trafficking has been published, I'm working my way through it today.

How to book an escort .... the survival guide re etiquette

2011-11-13T11:24:00.002Z

I have borrowed this from a poster on Punternet, I think it's priceless -

Personal hygiene:-

Despite protestations to the contrary, what the lady wants is the smell of a REAL man, that earthy pong of honest sweat. You may be offered the use of bathing facilities, do not fall for this, it is a well known ploy to test your suitability as a regular (accept and you may never return), just ignore it, whip your todger out and say the magic words “get yer larfin gear round that then gal!!”, it works every time.

Services: -

Most if not all ladies are rather shy and retiring, in so many ways they are like delicate flowers that need to be gently and repeatedly questioned before they finally open up and reveal their innermost feelings and desires, hence the need to totally disregard any form of limitations in the area of services provided, they ALL supply, and indeed crave, ALL forms of sexual activity, don’t be put off by a list of “don’ts” because the implication behind that list is “well I do, but don’t tell anybody”.

Payment:-

Although this part of the deal is of the least interest to the lady (it’s just pandering to tradition really) it needs dealing with in a business like manner. I expect that you have seen a couple (almost a rarity these days) of adverts that state that payment is to be in “cash only”, well to be frank these ladies are a little bit behind the times, there are major disadvantages to cash and your refusal to use it will be appreciated enormously once you explain the advantages of the cheque.

1. No more embarrassing moments when the lady discovers that she is £20 short
2. No more embarrassing moments when the lady discovers that you have overpaid by £20
3. The dud note problem is eliminated
4. No more having to keep an accurate count of income for tax purposes, just pay it in to the bank account and let the accountant do the rest

The list is endless, the lady will be indebted to you for life.

Security:-

Obviously the security of the lady is paramount but “what about my security on an incall?” I hear you ask, a very good point and very well made say I, have no fears on that score because the punting fraternity have already got that one fully sussed out. All ladies that do incall are now legally required to have an arrangement with their Neighbourhood Watch Committee, so before you set out just take a note of their number and when you are ensconced inside the dwelling just give them a quick bell and inform them of the Lady’s name, address and mobile number and the duration of your stay, a 2 minute call and you’re all done and dusted.

Advertising: -

This is a very expensive and sensitive area for a lady, getting just that right balance of titillation without straying into the vulgar can be quite a soul-searching task, you can be of great assistance here, by following all the previous guidelines you will soon find the lady of your dreams and quickly become a regular, so why not be really helpful and give her some free advertising, get a T shirt made up using the following template.

LILY OF LEYTONSTONE TAKES IT UP THE BACKSIDE (with her mobile number of course).

Wear that every day and she will shower you (golden if that is your preference) with praise and be your soul mate for life.

Initial contact: -

I believe that I have already posted information on this subject but I shall incorporate it just for the sake of completeness. This is a much forgotten, misunderstood yet so important feature of punting; as in most things in life first impressions are the ones that stick, they are the very bedrock that will support and nurture future appointments, so get it right. I shall endeavour to cover the two main methods of initial contact and give as many tips as possible, however you will have your own style so treat the following as a guide only and not something to be slavishly followed :-

Email
=====

The lady logs on and views her inbox, she has 2 Emails, one has a subject of “I would like to arrange an incall appointment” the other has a subject of “r u up 4 it or wot”, bit of a no-brainer really. The first is very likely to be from some lily-livered wimp called Tarquin wanting to make a booking for a 3 hour “mutual enjoyment experience”, the chances are that the lady will delete that without bothering to open it, whereas the second one will really catch her eye, she will know from experience that inside will be the promise of an hour of good hard shagging by a real man.

Make the body of the Email short, sharp and preferably explicit, don’t hint at things you want, be open and upfront, the lady does not want to have to read between the lines or look for subtext, after all what she desires above everything else is an assertive male that knows what he wants and gets it, phrases like “I would like to indulge in a little tradesman's entrance play” is for the Tarquin’s of this world and just will not cut the mustard with a WG, be bold and write “your backside will make the Mersey Tunnel look like a drinking straw when I’m done with you”, this is what excites the lady, this is what gets her going, you really can’t go wrong with this sort of approach.

Phone
=====

Picture if you can the following scene, it is 3 O’clock in the afternoon and the lady is reading “Bleak House” or working on her needlepoint, as an aside I think this is an appropriate place to dispel a widely held misconception, WG’s do not have a “normal” life outside of working, they are on call 24/7, it is not work that they do it is a vocation, her biological clock is in perfect harmony with your sexual desires; they are always dressed in erotic lingerie and will respond well to repeated enquiries as to what they are wearing, but I digress.

The phone rings, the lady answers and hears :-

“Hello Thelma, my name is Tarquin, I wonder if you would be available this afternoon ……….”

Not unsurprisingly all he will hear (if he is lucky) is a loud “click”

An alternative to the above is, the phone rings, the lady answers and hears :-

“Get your tits out, get your tits out, get your tits out for the lads …………. Wot u wearin’ then?”

Instant rapport, the lady will be overcome with excitement, you’ve pulled, I rest my case.

LL xx

... and now, a song.

2011-11-06T13:41:00.008Z

To the tune of The Boxer.

I am just a call girl
Though my story's seldom told
I have fought the rad fems deftly
For a inbox full of promises like prayers for my soul
All lies and jests
Still a girl hears what she needs to hear
And disregards the rest

When I left my home and my family
I was no more than a girl
In the company of escorts
In the quiet of a plush hotel running scared
Laying low, seeking out the higher quarters
Where the wealthy people go
Looking for the places only they would know

Lie la lie ...
Asking only hooker's wages
I come looking for a job
And I get some offers,
Plus a heads up from the girls on Shaftesbury Avenue
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
But there was camaraderie there

Lie la lie ...

Then I'm laying out my outcall clothes
And knowing I am home
I am home
Where the Dublin City winters aren't bleeding me
Bleeding me, I am home

In the clearing stands an escort
And a fighter by her trade
And she carries the reminders
Of every one that put her down
Or hurt her till she cried out
In her anger and her name
"Legislate against or mock me"
But the fighter still remains

Lie la lie ...

LL xx

IUSW Press release - 2/11/2011

2011-11-03T15:24:00.002Z

ACPO release Strategy for Policing Prostitution and Sexual Exploitation.

The International Union of Sex Workers offers a cautious welcome to the new guidance from the Association of Chief Police Officers.

Current law on the sex industry is confusing and complicated: sex workers are at risk of prosecution unless they work indoors in complete isolation. Legislation on brothel keeping and “controlling for gain” fail to target exploitation or coercion, but criminalises those working together. For those selling sex onstreet, the definition of “persistent soliciting” (more than once every three months) means they can have contact with the police four times a year without risk of arrest.

We are glad to see ACPO recognise that “the safety of people engaged in sex work must be paramount to the police service”.

We are also glad to see awareness of the practical work currently underway that increases the protection of people in the sex industry:
“As currently done by Merseyside Police, to deal with violent and sexual crimes / incidents on sex workers in the same vein as a ‘Hate Crime / Incident’ i.e. premium response and service to the victim”
and
“ACPO supports the work of the UK Network of Sex Worker Projects, especially in relation to the ongoing development and enhancement of ‘Ugly Mugs’ schemes”

There is also acknowledgement that “Enforcement alone is an inadequate solution,” with clear direction to local forces: “This strategy supports partner organizations and projects offering support services to sex workers … Supporting health, welfare, education and peer-led organisations in promoting safe sex practice by sex workers “

However, there remains an inherent contradiction between the police role of protection and enforcement, and sex workers will continue to bear the consequences of this in terms of violence and other abuses.

Catherine Stephens, an activist with the IUSW, says “Like Simon Byrne, ACPO Lead on this issue, the IUSW wishes to see policy based on a sound evidence base, that draws upon the experience of sex workers in decriminalised areas of Australia and New Zealand. Sex workers deserve the full protection of the law and equal treatment with other citizens.”

Georgina Perry, manager of Open Doors service, which operates across three of London’s Olympic boroughs and member of the Board of the UKNSWP “We welcome the ACPO’s recognition that partnership work with expert local services is essential; the UKNSWP represents more than 60 such services across the UK who are the frontline of offering services to sex workers. Partnership work must include working with sex workers themselves. Laws about sex work in this country do little to protect people who are selling sex, which should be our highest priority.”

Foreign Jaunts and Field Reports

2011-10-26T21:23:00.007+01:00

Good evening and greetings from Perth. I am back from my foreign jaunts and feeling thoroughly rested, tanned ( well, peeling ) and ready to take on whatever comes my way. My first stop was the Isle of Man, it was my first visit there, courtesy of Mr. F and suffice to say it was very interesting indeed. Sometimes I think I have it tattooed on my forehead - "ALL WHO HAVE EVER ENTERTAINED STRANGE THOUGHTS, APPLY HERE."

We met them all, from the lady who thought I should join a production company doing "The Rocky Horror Show", ( on foot of the fact I can hold a note and look like Magenta ) to the multi millionaire who burst into tears and told us money can't buy you happiness. Hmmm, could have told him that. Still, many hugs were exchanged and we sent him on his merry way ( and I do mean MERRY ) probably to wake up in complete oblivion to the night before. We also caught a production of "Bugsy Malone" which was fantastic and finished up with a trip around the island to the various wee towns whilst deftly avoiding a herd of very slow and fed up cows. It was bliss.

From there I headed off to Turkey with La Princess and my goodness what a culture shock that was. We ran the gauntlet of Icmeler market with herself maintaining a solid hold of my arm because the sellers were so bloody aggressive. You know what ? They would do far better to just allow people to browse than to block their way up the alleys and then hurl insults at them when they don't buy their goods. By alley number three I had had quite enough and was busy hurling insults back at them in Irish, which caught them off guard, heh heh.

I don't see why - "No, I don't want to buy your fake Chanel bag thank you, especially since it's missing the 'n'" .... should warrant a string of expletives, but there we are.

All was not lost though, we both got to fulfill a lifetime ambition, that is, to swim with dolphins. There are no other words for it, it was absolutely awesome. The power of that animal as he pulled me through the sea on his fin is something that I won't forget for a long time, I placed my complete trust in him and it was very much reciprocated as he took herself for a spin too. Anyway, the above picture is a very tender moment between us, when he swam up with great force, ground to a halt and we had a kiss, a truly magical moment.

Whilst I was away I made a concerted effort to stay away from the internet, certainly anything to do with escorting and I have to say I really enjoyed the break from all of the usual irritations. I did however, stay in touch with my "real life" friends via Facebook, or as my little darling refers to it, 'The Facetubes'.(It's a sad day when you have to give yourself a moment to consider and even understand your 10 year old's ironic statement as to the dependence of the populace in general on t'internet, and to then get to the point where you realise that's not why she said it, she said it because she thinks it's funny *sigh* ).

Anyway, on said site, one of my friends posted a link to the most horrendous story I have seen for a long time. Now, I know I'm way behind on this story so I apologise in advance, but whilst the rest of the world was catching up on the BBC headlines online, I was eyeing up the pert buttocks of the Turkish waiter who served us lunch, ( gay, definitely ).

There was a little girl who was run over in China, except this was different.

Allow me to explain it with a link here.

Forgive me in advance because I'm going to shout ( we do that in capitals on the internet, innit ).

WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE ??

I mean, I'm almost getting that some men won't go near a small child who has fallen over and cut their knee, lest the worst be thought of them. Let's get this into context though, this was a child who was fatally injured. SHAME on every single person who walked past that child and allowed her to continue to suffer. Also, where was her Mother ? Why was a child of that age allowed out on a public busy street by herself ? It made me sick to my stomach and as I understand it she has since died. I hope the poor wee mite rests in peace. :(

Meanwhile, I see another blogger has taken on the task of doing an analysis of Punternet field reports, have a look here.

Quite why anyone would do a statistical analysis of field reports escapes me, but it is a very interesting and honest piece with some humour thrown in too. I liked this quote -

"The women are well paid and seem happy with their choice of job and the men enjoy their punts and tend to repeat them again and again."

WHHHOOOAAAAA, you mean we're not trafficked, abused, deluded victims suffering from repressed memory syndrome meaning at some point it will all come flooding back whilst shopping in Asda resulting in an ear piercing scream ?

Feck me, the rad fems must be turning in their support tights. :D

LL xx

P.S : Speaking of reports, my favourite report of all time is here. Enjoy.

P.P.S : To the lovely gentleman who sent me an email pointing out that the picture on my last post of the warring pandas is photoshopped, I KNOW. Eegit.

Holidays and Happy Hookers

2011-10-10T20:12:00.007+01:00

Roite, I'm off ( well almost ). On Wednesday I am heading for the Isle of Man, returning to sunny Ayrshire to empty my suitcase unceremoniously into the laundry basket before refilling with pieces of cloth masquerading as clothes which would make The Mothers' eyes roll in the back of her head, then it's off to Turkey. All in all I won't be back in Glasgae until Tuesday the 25th, just in time to erect the electric fencing and trip wires for the little darlings at Halloween. ( Aside from the local "nice" children, we also get an influx of mini-skinheads who "egg yer gaff" if you don't give them cash, so preparation is key. ) I suppose you're wondering why on earth I have a picture of battling pandas to accompany this post ? No reason really, other than I thought it was an awesome picture and I don't see how they hope to avoid extinction if they keep battling each other with light sabres.

I came across this little beauty the other day, it's from the European Women's Lobby and features this video, which quite honestly blew my mind. "Prostitution is a form of violence and oppression", apparently. Yet again, the glaringly obvious has been over looked, that is - the community of sex workers who are happy in their work, although according to Julie Bindel the "Happy Hooker" is a myth. If this is to be a movement lobbying for women's rights, what about my rights as a woman to work perfectly legally as an escort ? What about my right to earn a living and support my family ? Oh wait, those rights don't sit well with their moral values, so they can't be of any consequence.

The Sex Worker Open University have penned a reply to that video and I've included a quote for you below which I think is rather brilliant.

"The European Women's Lobby has recently launched a campaign called Together For a Europe Free from Prostitution.

Their view of the sex industry is once more reducing women to victims, and prostitution to a system of violence against women. Once more, some women sitting in comfortable chairs in some official EU building are deciding what we should or should not do with our bodies. Once more, we are being silenced and victimised. Once more, our voices are being confiscated and we are not sex workers anymore but prostituted women.

That's enough.

We want to show them that sex work is work. This is how we make a living. This is how we pay our rent, our bills, our sex changes and our children's studies.
Those are our decisions. Our bodies. Our voices. Our lives.

We are from all genders and races.

Stop invisibilising trans women and men from the debate on sex work. Invisibilising us is a form of violence and discrimination.
Stop pretending that sex work is only male to female penetration. The services we offer are as varied as we are. Sex, companionship, BDSM, fetish.... Sex is not disgusting and the only thing that makes us sick is your insulting and degrading video.

To stop exploitation and abuse in the sex industry, we need to be heard. We want rights--human and labour rights, not more criminalisation. Criminalising our clients will only force us to work in more underground and less safe conditions.

You care about sex workers? You want us to stay alive? Listen to us now!
Stop victimising us. Stop criminalising us. Stop silencing us."

Fantastic, when I come back from holidays feeling less like I've been run over by a roads lorry from Glasgow City Council I will put pen to paper too.

In the meantime, farewell Steve Jobs. Like them or loathe them, Apple have been incredibly successful and Steve Jobs was a visionary - I love this quote from him;

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped my dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

LL xx

Mad Scientists and Melissa Farley

2011-10-04T16:28:00.004+01:00

Good evening, I'm in Inverness and up to my stocking tops in it and after the last gent who thought reverse oral meant planking his hairy derriere on my face, suffice to say I'm really looking forward to my holiday in two weeks. ( Is it true that the age of consent in Turkey is 13 ? If so I will not allow my little princess to leave my side for a moment, and woe betide any fecker who so much as looks her way, I hope he enjoys picking up his teeth on the way out. )

I need to ask for your help in a relatively tame matter for once, I'm looking for the name and author of a book which I heard discussed on Radio 4. It's a new publication detailing the lives and methods of various mad ( but brilliant ) scientists, including the man who invented the first heart stent. Apparently, he couldn't find anyone else to experiment on, so he began dating a theatre nurse. He convinced her to let him use the theatre late one night so he could insert the stent in his own heart, after which he WALKED up to the X-ray department to gain photographic evidence of his work. It also talks about the number of inventions that have been born of LSD, it sounds like a fascinating read. If anyone knows the book I'm referring to, please email me or leave a comment, I will be most grateful.

You may recall a couple of weeks ago I was complaining loudly about Melissa Farley and her complete lack of professionalism when it comes to her "research". Well, it would seem that a group of sex workers and psychologists have moved to have the APA rescind her membership and not before time. The basis for the complaint is as follows -

Over the years, Dr Farley has published a number of papers and documents about sex work, making claims that all sex work is a form of violence against women. She has used several of her studies to back this up. In 2008 Dr Farley published the paper What Really Happened in New Zealand after Prostitution was Decriminalized in 2003? on her website critiquing the Report of the Prostitution Law Review Committee. This critique contains several errors of fact that appear to be deliberately designed to mislead people. Many of the false allegations made by Dr Farley in this paper have been repeated by her in her efforts to stigmatise sex workers and keep them criminal. Dr Farley appears to have read the complete report, but has only reported or critiqued those parts that match her ideology. In investigating her comments on this paper further, it was discovered that Dr Farley had completed research in New Zealand in 2003 without seeking ethical approval from the New Zealand Psychological Society (NZPsS). It was also discovered that during the course of this research, she
claimed to be able to diagnose sex workers as having post traumatic stress disorder, despite using a flawed questionnaire, and not doing in depth interviews.

It is noted that Dr Farley has also completed other studies overseas, and investigations this year indicate that she never sought ethical approval, and sought to deliberately deceive the groups who facilitated the research for her. She has also been cited as an expert witness, yet the testimony given is false or misleading. Finally, the Canadian courts have found Dr Farley to be a less than reliable witness, finding her evidence “to be problematic”. For the reasons in the text below, I believe her work is unethical, unbecoming of a psychologist, and is in breach of at least sections 5.01 and 8.10 of the APA’s Code of Ethics, perhaps more. I believe that because of these breaches, Dr Farley should be removed from the membership of the APA.

All good things come to those who wait. ;)

LL xx

Horses, holidays and harangues

2011-09-24T22:05:00.005+01:00

Good evening and greetings from Inverness. I'm not on tour, rather I'm in Amanda's kitchen, recovering from a trip to Jimmy Chung's all you can eat buffet which would put Bessie Bunter to perpetual shame. I decided to take the weekend off and chill out, so today we took our little people horse riding and then sat in Inverness giving each other surreptitious grins and looks every time we clocked a lesser spotted client almost going through a lampost at the apparition of us in jeans, with children and to be honest, smelling like stables. Wonderful stuff.

When I moved to Scotland, I was horrified to discover that Irish people are known as "thick micks" and have a reputation for being incredibly, um .... dense. I have to tell you, the Irish passport office in London don't do us any favours. I sent our passports down to be updated prior to our forthcoming trip to Turkey and I'm surprised they didn't ask for a DNA sample, it was a fecking farce. I had to sign a declaration to say I'm the Mother of my little darling, in spite of the fact I was her Mother when they issued her last passport, and despite the recent influx of Brad Pitt and his extended family, I remain so. I am firmly convinced that one of the requirements for employment at the passport office is to show an IQ akin to that of an aubergine. Ho hum. Speaking of holidays, Susan is winging her way back from The Dominican Republic on Sunday and she has had a wonderful time, the temperatures were in the thirties every day and she swam with dolphins, it must have been awesome. I'm not sure if she'll join me in Inverness on the 3rd but she'll almost certainly be with me in Belfast.

Next week I'm off to Englandshire with one of my guys and I'm not back until Saturday, I'm looking forward to it immensely, we have some real fun planned of the "must not mention in blog" variety, discretion being the better part of valour, innit ? In the meantime I have some very limited availability in sunny Glasgow from Monday to Wednesday, please book in advance or else I cannae see you.

Finally, I happened to be watching This Morning recently and there was an interview with a girl who was coerced into working as a prostitute from the age of 13 in an Edinburgh sauna. Many emotions came up when I was watching that interview, of course I felt pity, empathy, a maternal protective urge, amongst many others. Overall though, the one thing I felt was ANGER.

This girl was seduced by an older man who got her hooked on heroin and told her the only way to pay off her debt was to work it off in the brothel. During the interview she was accompanied by her Mother. Now, I'm not nominating myself for "Milupa Mother Of The Year" or anything, but at the same time, at least I know exactly what is going on in my daughter's life, although I appreciate she is younger. See, I get that the girl worked the backshift in the parlour from 5pm until 10pm and she was told what to say when she went home, I'm ALMOST understanding that. However, hooked on heroin and the Mother didn't notice ? REALLY ?? I'm sorry, but something stinks there. ( I really wish I could provide you with a link but I've searched high and low for a clip and I can't find it. )

What struck me during the interview is that the girl concerned said that she felt the answer was to shut ALL saunas in Edinburgh. She said that the clients were normal respectable men who ran local businesses, and that some of the girls who were working there were doing so of their own volition. Right, call me a thick mick if you will, but what purpose would closing the saunas serve ? The answer here lies firmly with the parlour owner and the parents. If the saunas were closed, all that would happen would be a shift from recognised establishments into underground grotty flats where it would be impossible to reach those who so desperately need help.

If prostitution were to be decriminalised, then regular checks could be conducted by the police and that girl's trauma would never have happened. Parlour owners would be required to check ID and further, to check that the ladies are working of their own volition.

I do apologise, but as a "thick mick", to me that makes perfect sense.

LL xx

Inverness and Information Update

2011-09-12T20:54:00.004+01:00

Good evening and greetings from Inverness where I have landed having run the gauntlet with the tail end of Hurricane Irene on the A9. God it's good to be back, gurning at truckers and racing idiots in their Corsas with two exhausts, ( I don't race them by the way, I just put my car into third gear which is usually sufficient ). Anyway, I mentioned I was taking some time off to look after some "real life" issues. That went well, NOT. No sooner had I decided to down tools than I became very ill, very quickly. Perhaps my "corpus" was trying to send me a message. Well, said message was received and understood and following extensive nagging from my nearest and dearest I took the week off and retreated to my boudoir with boy cat where I fell deeply in love with Terry Pratchett. I have started reading "Mort" and have been chortling aloud in various coffee shops and waiting areas ever since. That phrase " ..he couldn't find his own arse with both hands ..", the man is a genius.

Last Saturday I was with J for the weekend and we pottered around Glasgow, ending up in Kelvin grove Museum. I love that place, for some reason every time I go I manage to see something new and this time was no exception. We found the picture I've included for you above. Apparently, this was painted in 1672 by Matthijs Naiveu and is a depiction of a brothel. Right, for the hard of thinking among us ( and that includes moi ) the woman seated is in fact, a prostitute. She is performing on her instrument ( insert completely inappropriate quip here ) to lure her customers into her "lair" as it were. Is it just me or would she not be better just removing one of the 72 layers of clothing she seems to be wearing ? I mean I'm not advocating nudity, some of the top ladies in this industry wouldn't dream of showing their passion cushions on their websites and yet they are still very successful. But really, a skirt down to the toes ? Perhaps that's why there are several centuries between us.

From the past to the future now and you should be able to see that I have done my availability diary from now until the end of October. I will be touring very little in October, that's because I am off to the Isle of Man with Mr. F for five days and then immediately after that, I'm off to Turkey on my family holidays. Two good bits of news on the availability front though - firstly I will be visiting Milton Keynes for one day only on Friday 7th October and will be doing incalls during the day. Also, it is now possible to visit me in Ayrshire, however - this is only if I have met you before or you have have checkable feedback.

Speaking of feedback, a huge thank you to the gent I met today who left me a lovely report here and secondly thank you also to the man who travelled two hours to Inverness to meet me and thrust a box of chocs into my hand. I've eaten eleven of them so far and to be honest I feel quite ill now.

Sometimes I think my ten year old has more sense.

LL xx

( Fret not, on my time off I spied plenty of material for quality rants, I just need to find the time to comb through them one by one. )

Dundee and Doggy Tales

2011-08-26T12:29:00.008+01:00

So that was Dundee and what a hoot was had by all, including one unsuspecting gentleman. My room was the very last in the corridor, by the fire escape.

Client number three announced his arrival by phone ( by then I was fairly tired ) so I dusted myself down, applied lip gloss and headed to the door. There was a peephole on the door which looked into the corridor and how I could tell said client was approaching was when the heavy fire door half-way down the corridor banged shut.

Through the peephole I spied him, a suited and booted guy approaching so I opened the door in a black satin robe, stockings, "fecking hell" hair, massive heels and a grin that would put any Cheshire cat to shame.

Fabulous, except he wasn't my client but the guy staying in the room opposite.

Whoops.

To make matters worse, after said innocent hotel guest had almost impaled himself on his briefcase handle with the fright, REAL client showed up and hammered on my door, bellowing ...

"LAURA !!"

I could have lynched him, but as it turns out we have a lot in common, mainly a deep love of animals. I've long thought that if I could surround myself with animals for the rest of my life I would be the happiest woman on earth, it's people I find difficult ( with some notable exceptions, of course ). The reasoning behind it is this, animals don't bitch - they don't know how to. It's one of two reactions -

1. You fed me and rubbed my belly, ergo I love you and I'm going to lick you, whether you like it or not.

2. You annoyed me / stood on my paw, ergo I'm going to bite you, HARD. It's OK though, because we'll be friends again within the hour.

See ? Simplicity at it's most splendid.

So, Mr. Client was telling me ( in the after-glow ) that for many years he has been a long haul driver, ( he was just passing through ) all achieved with a very small and very cute companion in the shape of a terrier. He LOVED that dog, they travelled all over Europe together and were inseparable. One weekend he noticed the dog was not himself and was off his food, so he decided to keep an eye on him and postpone his boy's night out. By the second night, the poor creature couldn't make it up the stairs, so this man, all 6 foot 2 of him, brought the dog's bed downstairs to the fireplace in the living room and curled up beside him to sleep. At some point during the night the dog gave a couple of loud yelps and was clearly in pain so my guy held him close and said "Close your eyes son, it's time to go".

Sure enough, by morning time the dog had passed away. By the time he had finished his tale, both myself and my guy were sitting on the side of my bed, sobbing uncontrollably, made worse by the fact that he had pictures of him on his phone to accompany the narrative. All in all, it was a very surreal experience and I really hope he bites the bullet and gets another puppy.

Back to normality then ( whatever that is ) and I'm preparing for my tour to Perth next week before I go on sabbatical for a bit. I really don't know how long I'll be away as yet but I plan to get back to the wonderful world of floozying as soon as I can. Meanwhile I face the enormous task of trying to get my books in order for my accountant, this year I have decided to be ruthless and claim for every can of diet coke and snickers consumed whilst on tour which means I have a mountain of receipts to be sorted through. To compound my anxieties, The Mother has announced her intention to conduct the bi-annual inspection during my time off too, so I will be on a cleaning frenzy to boot. Marvellous.

Catch up with you fae Perth.

LL xx

Reports and Remonstrations

2011-08-17T19:27:00.008+01:00

Good evening and greetings from Belfast where I am chilling out after an assiduous couple of days. I've been on the tour trail which I love, Susan and I had a blast in Carlisle, I met a new gentleman who wanted to experience domination, I think he got a little more than he bargained for ( ahem ), he has written me a review here. On arrival in Belfast I met one of my regular guys who is deliciously deviant like moi, and thanks to him I have some brand spanking new toys and a review on Escort Ireland too, here. Thank you Sir, it's always a pleasure but you knew that anyway. ;)

For the remainder of this month I will be visiting Dundee and then Perth, the more perceptive of you will have gathered that I've not done my September availability diary / tour dates yet. "Real life" has caught up with me again and I have some commitments to fulfill which just for once, don't involve custard or butt plugs. So, the likelihood is that I will do some visits in September, you'll know as soon as I do when I'm back in circulation.

I don't think it's to anyone's detriment that I'm taking some time out, if nothing else it will keep the homicide rate on the west coast of Scotland down. I really am losing the will to live when it comes to some "enquiries".

"I seen (sic) your website, gonnae gies some details ?"

Now, I'm sorry to use the analogy of a restaurant again, but sometimes it's just easier to do it the lazy way. Take, if you will, my favourite Glasgow restaurant at the Hotel Du Vin. They have gone to the trouble of creating a website which explains quite clearly where they are located, what kind of fayre is on offer, how to book and they've even included pictures and given the option of "private dining", ( highly recommended by the way ). Do you think, given that level of information provided, that one would telephone them and say - "You do grub, aye ? Gonnae gies some details ?" As professional as they are, I can actually imagine the head waiter giving some indications from the menu as a suggestion. Where it goes from the sublime to the ridiculous is when the afore mentioned statement is followed up by -

"The fried duck egg, foie gras & cèpes bordelaise is £8.75, aye ? Ach you'll do it for a fiver."

This, readers, is what I have to deal with on a daily basis. I kid you not.
It's all I can do to stop myself from bawling at the caller and pointing out that I have prepared the fecking website for a fecking reason and all the fecking information they need is right there, in front of their fecking noses. ( I told you I was cranky ).
Very gently then, we'll move on to the list of excuses as to why they haven't fully digested the details on the website. It's not because they just clicked on the pictures, prices and then noted the phone number, OH NO.

"My friend gave me your number".

Right, let's be honest about this, this is Glasgow, hardly the most liberalised society in existence. So no, you didn't have a conversation with your friend at the water cooler in the office along the lines of -

"Whit did ye get up tae at the weekend, ye nugget ?"

"Funny you should ask me that, I met a lovely lady who happens to be an escort, and if you should ever find yourself with some free time, look her up. She's terribly friendly and the best news is, she can string a sentence together and doesn't resemble Vikki Pollard."

The standard reply to that one is - "Perhaps you might like to go back to your 'friend' who will no doubt furnish you with my website address, which should address all the "Holy Grail" questions you so desperately seek.".

Next - "Ahm on ma fone, so ah am."

Super. So am I, most of the time and I think you'll find that alongside the pictures and phone number you just accessed is an informative database that tells you all you need to know. Gonnae view it.

I'm done complaining, I promise. Erudite and verbose gentlemen always welcome, in the meantime, I shall enjoy the "craic" with the neds. I must mention, thanks to Amy , I now have a Blackberry which blocks all withheld numbers, any numbers of my choice, and texts too. On top of that, I've just discovered the setting in google mail which automatically dumps emails from certain addresses, *cough* - they go straight to the bin, fecking marvellous.

LL xx

Inverness and illogical "studies"

2011-07-29T12:15:00.004+01:00

I am back at the helm after a week which involved a trip to the Highlands with one of my guys and then several days off, to allow me to catch up with studies and the important task of watching Scooby-Doo 2 with the little light of my life ( utter meadow muffin but the inclusion of Sarah Michelle Gellar made it bearable ). Tomorrow I am having a day long dalliance with a man who enjoys nothing more than complete recumbency in his outdoor hot tub, I'm shaving my legs as we speak. On Monday I'm off to bonnie Inverness with the delectable Susan and whilst there I will also have the chance to catch up with Amanda who like yours truly has survived her house move and is now back doing outcalls. We haven't quite tempted her back out on the tour circuit yet, but if nothing else I am an accomplished and very adept nag, so you never know.

Meanwhile, I see Melissa Farley has been expatiating on "how the burgeoning demand for porn and prostitutes is warping personal relationships and endangering women and girls." Surely she means "saving personal relationships and empowering women" ? Apparently not. Ms. Farley is a clinical psychologist who is the author of several studies of prostitutes, which claim high rates of post-traumatic stress disorder among the women studied. Of course the fact that she is also an "extreme feminist" ( to put it kindly ) and an anti-prostitution activist may just have SOME influence on her research, wouldn't you say ?

The link to the article is here, hosted rather shamefully by Newsweek, rather than The National Enquirer, which is where it belongs, right next to the story about Elvis being alive and well and working on an oil rig just off the coast of Aberdeen. Strap yourselves in for this quote -

"Overall, the attitudes and habits of sex buyers reveal them as men who dehumanize and commodify women, view them with anger and contempt, lack empathy for their suffering, and relish their own ability to inflict pain and degradation."

REALLY ? The next time I have my slave bitch hog tied and gagged I'll remind him that he is lacking in empathy for my suffering.

It goes on to say -

“Prostitution can get you to think that things you may have done with a prostitute you should expect in a mutual loving relationship,” said one john who was interviewed. Such beliefs inspire anger toward other women if they don’t comply, impairing men’s ability to sustain relationships with nonprostitutes.

What rubbish. If anything, I have heard over and over again about how a visit to an escort has helped a client overcome crippling shyness or performance anxiety and in that way has enhanced both his sex life and his confidence levels.

As a psychologist, Ms. Farley should recognise that the basis for any good piece of research is complete objectivity, a significant facet of academia that seems to have passed her by. She is also one of the co-authors of the "Challenging Men’s Demand for
Prostitution in Scotland" study which was published by the Women’s Support Project in 2008. From that report comes this conclusion ;

"Once viewed as a form of violence against women stemming from sex inequality, prostitution is best understood as a transaction in which there are two roles: exploiter/predator and victim/prey. Since there is a vast power differential between the punter and the woman he buys in terms of her poverty, social status, abuse history, and often immigration status, the women (or men) who are purchased in prostitution would not be categorised as criminals because they are victims."

If Ms. Farley and her co-authors genuinely believe that all prostitutes are victims, then they haven't "best understood" prostitution at all, merely created a hypothesis with no firm attestation or supporting evidence.

LL

Ebay and an elegiac lament

2011-07-24T12:58:00.003+01:00

Before I head off into the wilds of The Highlands for a couple of days frivolity I thought I'd share this with you simply because I think it's hilarious. It's a guy selling a watch on Ebay and his sense of humour is brilliant, check out this description ;

If you want to look like an offensively rich footballer at fraction of the cost take a look at this bad boy. This rather delicious watch for the sportier men among you was given to me by my idiot of an ex girlfriend, who by the way ended up in bed last Thursday with Steve. Steve, for your information, is not me.

The watch has a trustworthy and comforting rubber strap, in white, which is more than you can say for my girlfriend who can't be trusted for five seconds and is about as comforting as having a lung removed. The face is clear and consistent white with simple minimalist design however my girlfriends face is covered in freckles, fake tan and has an unsightly mole just under her right eye.

This item is presented in a red gift box and is powered by a Storm battery but I no longer have the box or the instructions, still could be worse, my girlfriend unfortunately no longer has anywhere to live.

Unfortunately I have only worn this watch twice since she purchased it for me - Oh how extravagant of her -"Oh what gift can I buy my boyfriend, I know. I'll go to Covent Garden to the Storm shop and buy him a watch but come home with 12 pairs of shoes for myself and a 3 Grand Breitling for Steve" By the way she also has big feet. Size 9. On a woman, yes that's what I said she should be in the circus. "Roll up Roll up for the incredible big footed lady with a hairy eye wart"

I was going to ask Steve if after eating my girlfriend's body in front of me, he might want to purchase the watch. I also then offered him my girlfriends thrush pessaries from the bathroom cabinet. He declined both politely and drove off in his Grey 2002 plate Ford Focus - LX. Grey like his personality, complexion and most of his hair.

So as Mr Grey and Sasquatch Mole Eye wander off happily holding hands, I will be withholding all the items remotely connected to our relationship in escrow and sending them romantically on their way to eBay.

PS - As Steve is actually my boss and I punched him hard in the face and subsequently do not have a job, the revenue from the sale of these items will go toward feeding myself and my poor cat Judy, who sadly lost her tail and one of her legs in a lathe accident.

The link is here, read the questions and answers too, it's a hoot.

Finally, rest in peace Amy Winehouse, what a waste of a young talented lady.
To those people on Twitter and Facebook calling her a "stupid junkie bitch" and a "mongo" ( to use some of the better terms ), I hope you never have to fight an addiction the way she did, when she wasn't afforded the privacy to do it and there were those who willed her to fail. SHAME ON YOU.

LL xx

...and it's a goodbye from them.

2011-07-14T15:15:00.004+01:00

I don't think many of us who work in the sex industry will mourn the loss of the News of the World. This is a publication which routinely ruined the lives of many ladies all in the name of selling papers to those who can't be said to list high browed intellectualism as one of their attributes. Aside from myself, I know of several ladies who have in the past been "doorstepped" and it is a horrifying experience. Your first thoughts are always for your children and how protecting them must be paramount in your decision making process. I have always thought that the reporters who outed ladies had the morals of a seal pup skin collector, caring not a jot for the feelings of the lady, her family, her friends and most importantly her children. I was right.

Whilst it is true that from time to time I speak to the press, there is an immeasurable difference between talking to a journalist about proposed changes to the legislation concerning sex workers and having your personal details splashed all over page 8, together with photographs. Following on from the last piece I did, a magazine called and tendered £400 ( WOW !! ) for a story about what it's like to be a "real" escort. I told them I would be delighted to speak to them provided that they maintained my anonymity, allowed me to mention Trish Godman and what she was trying to rush through Holyrood and if I could donate my fee to a women's charity. I never heard from them again.

When reading the NOTW's self-righteous pieces on "fallen" women, the one thing which struck me was that they would always choose the lady's lowest rate, so as to cheapen her to the penultimate level. She could charge £5,000 for a week, for example, but the headline would scream "£150 AN HOUR SLEAZY VICE GIRL". Vile journalism at it's best.

Let there be no misunderstandings about this, were they to "out" me, I would sue without hesitation, calling in every lawyer I know and touring until my legs fell off to pay for it if necessary. As far as I'm concerned, if I take measures to protect my identity on my website and don't parade my face all over the internet, then I have expressed a desire for privacy and it is a privacy I am entitled to.

Of late there had been an upsurge in the comments left by ordinary members of the public when such "stories" were published, such as "leave her alone, what she's doing is quite legal and your expose is not in the public interest" and I must admit I had begun to take heart. Finally, ( I thought ) common decency had begun to prevail. I was still in no way prepared for the huge outcry following the latest allegations against News International, it was people power at it's finest. If what is alleged is true, it is quite simply one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard. To hack into the phones of people who have already suffered as the family members of murder victims, those who fought and died for our country, not to mention high level corruption with alleged payments to police is beyond any reasonable description I could conjure up. It is the one scandal which has united the country in outrage and a demand for answers.

Perhaps now, these people will know what it feels like to experience social exclusion and stigma. In their predicament however, it is entirely warranted and richly deserved.

LL xx

A letter to Graham Norton

2011-06-28T13:38:00.005+01:00

Graham Norton has long held a fascination for me, not least because he's Irish. From the first moment he danced onto our screens as a hyper-active Irish dancing priest on "Father Ted", I was hooked.

Incidentally, I once spied Dermot Morgan who played Ted in Searson's Pub on Baggot Street in Dublin, enjoying a quiet pint and reading the paper, or at least he was until I ingratiated myself into his body space. " I know you must get this all the time, but I absolutely LOVED Father Ted, a call girl in the bath with the bishop, sheer genius." "Thanks". So that was that really, I slunk back to my seat to my friends who had completely given up and were pretending they'd never seen me before in their lives.

Back to Mr. Norton, every Saturday morning he has a radio show which I listen to ( if I'm not slinking out of a hotel or ferrying several pink princesses around fulfilling their busy diaries ) and one of the regular features is listener problems, where people write in for advice from Mr. Norton and the great British public too. It makes for real entertainment, not so much the "problems", but the suggested solutions are always a hoot. I have finally thought of a letter which I think he might read out. Here goes -

Dear Graham,

Firstly let me say I am a huge fan of the show, not in a "I'm your number one fan" creepy/stalkerish way obviously, but you get what I mean.

I have an idea I'd like to run past you, it's not a problem per se, more a suggestion, let me know what you think.

We all know the devastating effect that the credit crunch has had on our economy in recent times and I'm sure The BBC haven't exactly been immune to the effects of it either, otherwise why on earth would BBC4 screen - "Teenage Kicks: The Search for Sophistication" ? Anyway, I have a cunning plan to save some money.

( You'll forgive the language in the next part of my letter, but sometimes only one word will do. )

The weather in Scotland is shite, we all know it's shite and it doesn't take Mystic Meg to "forecast" that it's going to be shite in the future. In real terms, the forecast could be covered admirably in two sentences ; "Everywhere in the UK will be lovely today with the exception of Scotland where it will hammer down with rain and sleet and it might snow too. In July." So, why bother including Scotland in the weather forecast at all ? Simply skip it, everyone up here is too depressed to notice or even care anyway and you can free up valuable air time to sell more advertising, thus generating more income for The Beeb. Brilliant !!

I realise this is a fairly radical suggestion but look forward to your reply.

Yours in abject admiration,

Laura.

I'll let you know if I get a reply.

Just to mention, my new pictures are now on my site too as of yesterday - right here.
I'm off to Inverness in the morning where men are men and sheep are in counselling, allegedly. Catch up with you from there.

LL xx

Thieving and Tom Hanks

2011-06-28T12:25:00.005+01:00

I have a bit of a confession to make, I am nothing but a common thief.

In case you think I've finally lost it, I'm not talking about money or valuables, no. I have a penchant for stealing crisp white towels. I CAN'T HELP IT. I've tried to work through the reasoning for this in my head, with little or no success thusfar. Was I denied towels as a child ? No. Can I afford to buy my own bloody towels ? Of course. Be that as it may, I still have enough towels ( acquired from various four star hostelries) to start a small but flourishing bed and breakfast business. Oh, the shame.

It gets worse though, recently I have extended my repertoire to include pencils. Not just any old pencils though, only the ones with a rubber on top. ( They're awfully useful for pencilling in appointments which may change, hence the rubber requirement. ) In my defence, the towels thing started because I always like to make sure my guys have a clean towel for their shower, so I bring extra towels with me when I head off on tour. Previous statement accepted, there is still no need for 329 towels, even if I had a showering fetish I'd never get through them all. In reality I think I'd make a rubbish thief because good old Catholic guilt eats away at me sometimes and I imagine the receptionist saying as I leave ...

"There she goes, the towel thief. Some people have no standards." ( I couldn't care less if they muse about whether or not I'm an escort, but a towel thief ? Mortified. )

Anyway, I'm in Carlisle in absolutely beautiful sunshine, touring is worth it for the weather alone. ( That reminds me, I've finally thought of a good reason to write to Graham Norton, blog post to follow. ) I was watching The Graham Norton show recently and he was interviewing Tom Hanks. Now, I've always loved Tom Hanks, he is a fabulous actor, very versatile and convincing and if I'm being honest I howled at the end of "Forest Gump". Recently though, he has gone up in my estimations no end. He has this new movie out you see, which he wrote and directed himself, co-starring Julia Roberts.

So, here is a man who quite fancied several snogs with Julia Roberts and who wouldn't ? ( Does that woman EVER age ? Grrr. ) So what does he do ? He writes a film script in which she plays his love interest, not only that, but he directs the film so he can dictate how many takes he needs of each scene. Clever, huh ? Not only does he get away with snogging Julia Roberts to the point of erotic asphyxiation ( in spite of the fact he's married ) but he'll probably get a feckin' award for it too !! I can see his wife now, beaming from ear to ear with pride as she watches him bask in the glory of his achievement.

So what's next for our Tom ?

"Hey Demi, I've had the most amazing idea for a film, you and I play naked castaways on a desert island after a mass flood has killed most people and the only hope for the continuity of the species is if we do it, like, constantly."

Whatever about an award for his film, Tom Hanks should surely get an award for ingenuity.

LL xx

A request for help and Amy Winehouse

2011-06-22T21:56:00.003+01:00

Evening all and greetings from Newcastle where I am chilling out with a double-mocca-chocca-crap coffee type thingy and some cookies, way to go.

I need to ask for your help again I'm afraid, and there's only 24 hours in which to do it.

The government are asking for some input into how much they should invest into the policing of prostitution.

Policing Priorities survey - introduction at

http://forums.parliament.uk/policing-priorities-poll/index.php?index,1

Given the financial constraints that police forces face, the Committee would like to hear which areas of work you think the police should prioritise and which areas of work you think should be a lower priority.

How much of a priority should tackling prostitution be for the police?

http://forums.parliament.uk/policing-priorities-poll/index.php?read,1,137

The deadline is tomorrow, ( I know, I'm sorry ) so please go and have your say.
I see the anti's have found it already, take this little belter -

"It depends what you mean by consensual. The figures show that most sex workers have a background of some form of abuse; a disproportionate number have been in care, have a substance abuse habit, and are severely traumatised by the work they do. The work itself exposes them to people who are willing to threaten, beat, and rape them. Many are trafficked into the trade, suggesting that coercion is necessary - hardly a sign that people are willing to stay for the perks.
If you mean that, even accepting that most are damaged by their background, nonetheless they have freely decided to make their living this way, research shows that if asked, the vast majority would like to leave it - and tellingly, I've never met anyone who wanted their daughter or mother or adolescent son to become a sex worker, even among those who like you say it's an entirely consensual activity."

Yes, the usual drivel trotted out with no offer of proof or statistics to back it up.

*sigh*

As a complete aside, you have to feel sorry for Amy Winehouse. The woman is going through enough with trying to deal with her own demons without her management team wheeling her out on stage to deliver a performance when she was seriously bladdered. Jesus wept, what were they thinking ? It's not nice to make an exhibition of someone who is clearly suffering and in need of help. Given that she was heckled off the stage anyway and refused payment for the appearance, not to mention the fact that the whole audience were refunded, quite what was the point in allowing her to perform in that condition in the first place ? It's car crash viewing, and shame on the people who allowed that to happen.

Rant over. :)

LL xx

Tours, Tortoises and Turkey

2011-06-11T12:28:00.008+01:00

I'm off on my travels again, the rest of this month will see me in Dundee, Newcastle and finally Carlisle. Dundee is a place I haven't been for quite a while, I'm looking forward to it and will run off my fried breakfast down by the waterfront.

Terrible news girl cat fans, there is still no sign of the elusive feline in spite of endless searches and a prolonged poster and neighbour campaign, so I am back to being a one cat woman. :( I just hope she is well and being looked after and it's never a question of giving up hope, after all you read these stories in the news of cats returning home after months, even years away.

My loss has been misconstrued as my little darling's gain, she is adamant we can now have a tortoise. Naw, hen. Negotiations are continuing with the mention of a grass snake. It's not the snake I mind so much as the frozen mice in my freezer - nae chance. I have mooted the possibility of a goldfish, after all Adorable Amy gets no end of pleasure from her fish, but that suggestion was met with an incredulous look and a stony silence, so I guess that's a 'no' then.

Back to travels and as a reward for my jetting around the country and surviving on a diet of lucozade and pro-plus I have booked the family holiday to Turkey in October. This year I have decided to go all inclusive, the ideology behind said decision being that I won't be asked for money every ten seconds for ice cream or a drink and can get on with the important task of carefully burning my Celtic skin in the sun so that all my freckles join up again, only to fade within a couple of days of my return. The "lobster" look - much under-rated and in fact borderline essential for a Glasgow night out. ( Simply top it up with some bronzing pearls and hey presto, suddenly you're as orange as the rest of the lady folk and fit right in. )

Finally, on my search around the net for tortoise information, I came across this video which I thought you'd enjoy - notice how the female doesn't stop eating during her lover's rather impressive thrusts; HOW RUDE.

Click here and enjoy.

LL xx

Run girls, run !!

2011-06-07T19:17:00.006+01:00

Evening all, greetings from Inverness where it is pouring down instead of the promised 16 degrees. ( I suppose it's better that way than doing my best impression of "boil in the bag" in PVC. )

The Race for Life was last Sunday and one of the most enjoyable days I've ever had. 60,000 women gathered in Glasgow and between us we raised £1m for cancer research, a truly awesome achievement. What I loved about it most was the sense of camaraderie amongst the women, just for once it didn't matter what colour of skin you had, where you came from, what you did for a living or even your chosen creed - everyone was there for one reason and one reason only, to remember those who had lost their brave battle with cancer and to celebrate the survivors. There were women running in full Muslim dress and even one lady in a Sari and shorts, quite a bizarre sight to be honest.

At the end of the day, we are nothing but sophisticated monkeys, and every so often we have a reminder of that. London must surely be one of the most multi-cultural cities around and what I find difficult ( as someone who insists on chatting to the bloke next to me in the queue in Asda ) is the way no-one will look anyone else in the eye. If you go on The Underground, everyone picks a spot to stare at or they become engrossed in a book and don't acknowledge anyone else in case they are a loose cannon. Look what happened when the July bombs went off though - everyone pulled together to deal with a common threat.

( Sorry for veering off course, but psychology fascinates me. )

This coming September, having been well and truly bitten by the bug, I have decided to do a 13k overnight walk, also for cancer research. Don't worry, I won't have my hand out again, I will hit neighbours and family this time.

I want to thank each and every single one of the people who sponsored me, in particular Ms D. Mopp of London who contributed £100, I am so grateful it's difficult to put it into words. I made my target of £500 and I know that money will be so much appreciated.

Before I sign off, I'll leave you with this little belter -

"A female political activist and former parliamentary candidate has recommended the introduction of legislation to legalize the provision of enslaved female concubines for Muslim men in Kuwait in a bid, she says, to protect those men from committing adultery or corruption.

She suggested that special offices could be set up to provide concubines in the same way as domestic staff recruitment agencies currently provide housemaids.

“We want our youth to be protected from adultery,” said Al-Mutairi, suggesting that these maids could be bought as prisoners of war in war-stricken nations like Chechnya to be sold on later to devout merchants."

You couldn't make it up, could you ? And they say that we sex workers set the women's movement back. Hmmmmm.

LL xx

Training and Traffickers

2011-06-02T12:16:00.004+01:00

Yesterday didn't exactly get off to a flying start, to be honest. I did the blind stumble from the shower cubicle and after a visit to the adjacent facilities, decided to ensure I was still as fresh as a daisy by reaching back for my feminine cleansing wipes. Unfortunately though, I put my hand on my "Domestos" bathroom wipes, so although I'm quite sure I had the most sterile lady bits in Britain, the result was my hopping about the bathroom squealing in pain.

Nevertheless I made it to my apartment for my first booking at 10.15am, ( do not adjust your screens, I have witnesses ) and he brought me a lovely box of M & S chocs, most of which I scoffed unceremoniously last night. It's a good job this running malarkey hasn't worn thin yet or I would be back to "The Michelin Man" in no time.

The Race for Life is this Sunday and I'm looking forward to it immensely, although the little light of my life has absolutely insisted on joining me. I tried to fob her off and tell her that it is for over 16's only, but she checked the website and discovered children can take part if with a supervising adult. Great. I just hope she doesn't pull her usual stunt which will involve a piggy back and a very tired and cross Momma. Our joint training has been going well though, so we'll see how it goes.

In other news ; I see The Met in London have launched a freephone number to encourage people to report trafficking -

"The Metropolitan Police Service wants people who have been brought to the UK and forced to work for little or no wages to report the crimes.

The number is featured in a poster campaign produced for the force and the charity Stop The Traffik.

The force's SCD9 unit, which fights human exploitation, has secured 12 convictions in 12 months and a further 20 people are awaiting trial.

Det Ch Supt Richard Martin, head of SCD9, said: "I hope that this poster and the freephone number it shows will encourage and enable victims who are suffering at the hands of traffickers to get in touch with us.

"Since SCD9 was formed in April last year, we have been working to raise awareness and understanding of all aspects of human trafficking, including trafficking for sexual exploitation and trafficking in the context of domestic servitude and forced labour."

Hmmmm, if it's to help people who are in dire need of rescue from slavery and have very little command of the English language then shouldn't it be in multiple languages ? Whilst I'm all for any move which will hit the REAL traffickers, I'm not sure how successful this endeavour will be. In England the offence of "punting" with a trafficked girl is one of strict liability, so it's not sufficient to say that one was not aware of the girl's circumstances.

So, for a measure like this to work there needs to be guaranteed anonymity, rather like crime stoppers or even better, total decriminalisation of sex work so that clients can feel confident in coming forward to report untoward experiences.

LL xx

Call-girls and Codes

2011-05-27T23:22:00.004+01:00

Seldom do I get annoyed by the writings of other ladies, even when I came in for criticism myself for speaking to the press. ( Apparently it was all self promotion and they mused further on who looks after my daughter when I'm away working. Dear God. )

However, one lady has got my blood boiling - Helen Wood. There is an article in today's Daily Mail, the main crux of which is as follows -

The prostitute who slept with Wayne Rooney claimed yesterday that a friend of hers is charging an MP for sex.

Helen Wood said the call girl had compromising pictures which would make it ‘very hard for him to deny anything’.

But she said the unnamed politician can ‘rest easy’ as her friend will not sell the story because she wants to maintain her privacy.

Miss Wood, 24, boasted that she had ‘many famous clients’ during her time as a working girl.

She said: ‘There is now a celebrity cast, and by no means all of them actors and footballers.’

In an article in the Spectator magazine she told how she was astonished when last month she was slapped with a gagging order by an actor who had visited her.

She said: ‘I’ve since found out that this actor has given interviews about his perfect family and fidelity.

‘So I have this advice for him: if you’re going to see escort girls, don’t brag about your squeaky-clean private life.’

Well Ms. Wood, I have this advice for you, SHUT UP.

People like you give the rest of us in this industry who really do value discretion a very bad name. There is a code of honour amongst us ladies of negotiable virtue, well, those of us who care about our reputation at any rate.

The original online call girl Belle came in for a lot of criticism for glamourising the industry ( inter alia ) but did she ever name a client ? Nope.

J and I were talking about the incident last year when he became ill and I had to call an ambulance. I had to tell the paramedics that he was one of my sub clients, simply because he was marked and otherwise they would suspect domestic abuse of some sort. The thought did occur to us afterwards that they could try and earn a penny or two by calling the scum press but as I said to him, were that to be the case I would protect him to the death, because that's what I'm paid for. Seemples.

Ironically, when I was talking to a journalist recently she put down her pad and said, "Off the record, just between you and I, who have you seen ?"

"I can tell you categorically that I've never been near Wayne Rooney and would rather starve, how's that ?"

I think she got the message. ;)

LL xx

Bed Picnics and Belfast

2011-05-24T11:17:00.004+01:00

Short, spiked fringes coaxed with gel ( fae Farmfoods ) and brushed forwards to within an inch of their lives, an over powering waft of Lynx Animal and his and hers shiny tracksuits - it can only mean one thing, I'm back in Glasgow, hurrah.

I had a splendid time in London. Firstly let me say it is always a pleasure to meet a gentleman who has found me via Rhia Charles, as I know he'll have a modicum of basic manners and decorum as a minimum. This particular gent arrived at my hotel room with a bed picnic, consisting of freshly squeezed orange juice, smoked salmon, grapes and chocolate biscuits too, it was bliss, ( or as we say in Glasgow - it was pure brilliant, so it was ).

I had the opportunity to have dinner with Ellie LLoyd, Susan and Burlesque Honey and we amused ourselves by people watching. To be more specific, we were watching one particular "lady" ( and I use the term very loosely indeed ) who was gyrating around a bemused business man with such ferocity that I thought she was going to do her neck an injury with all that orgasm-mimicking flicking that was going on. We were in stitches to begin with, especially when said business man spotted us and said -

"In her defence, she IS Norwegian."

Well that finished us off I'm afraid. In the end I found myself rather annoyed that her so called "friends" didn't get her in a headlock and take her to her room to sleep off the excesses because she really was in danger of doing something dreadfully daft. Ho hum.

Tomorrow I'm off to Belfast and true to form the volcanic ash has hit us once again, just on time. Great. Hopefully Spandex and I will formulate an alternative travel plan which succeeds, otherwise I shall miss my monthly tryst. I've grown completely impervious to the bemused looks of security men now, I usually just flash them a grin.

Well, I'm sure I'm not the first woman to walk through customs with a rampant rabbit, butt plug, cat o'nine tails, handcuffs, bondage rope, lube in several flavours, nipple clamps, an egg topper, various restraints, a blindfold and two strap ons. Anyway, if anyone compromises my identity on Twitter I can always sue, I don't see why not, every other fecker is.

LL xx

Moggies, Mountains and Missions

2011-05-09T20:42:00.008+01:00

I really wish the red deer of Scotland would have an EGM.

"Listen guys, I'm not so sure about this 'standing in the middle of the road' thing. That's Kenny AND Colin we've lost this last week alone, and Heaven alone knows if Kev's antlers will ever be the same again." They could introduce some punitive measure such as having to shack up with the doe with the worst breath, for instance. Everyone's a winner, the bucks get to shine up their antlers in time for the rutting season and I don't almost roll my car around a feckin' ditch trying to dodge them on the A82 on my way back from The Highlands. *sigh*

I think it's fair to say that girl cat is not exactly known for her high intellectual ability either, which is one of the reasons I adore her. There's a wonderful Glasgow expression .... "there's a want about that cat", which just about sums her up really. Never in my life have I met a cat who will repeatedly chase her own tail, catch it, bite it, cry ... and do it again - nor have I ever met a cat who ( when I have the audacity to close my bedroom door for some 'me' time ) headbutts the door repeatedly to the amusement of my pal who remarked -

'Gonnae buy that cat a wee American footie helmet 'afore she knocks wuts left o' her brains oot.' ( I've never been one for dressing up animals but I must admit, that does sound unbearably cute. )

Since I moved into my new dwelling, boy cat has established himself in the back garden and takes great pleasure in tormenting my neighbour's Shih Tzus by doing the circumference of the garden on a high wall and waving his tail at them. It hasn't occurred to him yet that they're too busy humping anything which moves ( each other usually ), to notice or even care. Girl cat, on the other hand, managed to get out of the kitchen ( NB : not while I was here ) and has yet to return. That was two weeks ago. :(

Since then, a massive search and rescue mission has been ongoing, with various members of my family and friends roaming the streets calling her and rattling her favourite biscuit box, but to no avail. At first I thought she'd return when she was hungry, ( so within 45 minutes then ) but zilch. In the interim I have called the police, the council and the Cat's Protection League and whilst I know it's a voluntary post and to be commended, I really wish the gentleman that persons the telephone would hone his people skills, just a tad.

"Is she neutered ?"

"Yes she is, and micro-chipped too."

"Ah well, that's good then, I haven't had a report of a CARCASS matching her description yet".

"Um .... well that's positive I guess."

".....because you see what happens is, even if she was flattened by a car, it's the Council's job to pick up the CARCASS. The CARCASS is then transported to the depot and scanned to see if there is any owner. None of the local vets have reported a CARCASS either."

In case it hasn't become screamingly apparent over time, I adore my mogs, so to hear my beloved Foghorn Leghorn ( one of her pet names ) described as a "CARCASS" was a bit upsetting to be honest. He really did bellow it too, it must be his word of the week. It did nothing to ease my stress levels I can tell you.

My own opinion is that she has pitched up with some sweet old lady somewhere and is busy eating her out of house and home - I can see her now, opening her big green eyes and miaowing like she's never been fed, a poster child for the SSPCA. I really hope she makes it home, but as time goes by I'm starting to wonder. My misery has been compounded by my new neighbour ( a fearsome woman who resembles Popeye, but with blonde hair ), who told me of a spate of cat nappings in the area a couple of years ago, "for the greyhounds". I don't want to even think about that. :(

Onto matters more positive, I had a splendid time in The Highlands, we took a cable car up the Nevis Range and the above picture was taken there, fabulous views. From just south of Fortwilliam we took the Corran Ferry to Ardgour and drove out to Ardnamurchan. It really is a place of exceptional natural beauty and peace, lucky as we were to be able to watch some herons nesting, and to simply enjoy the glorious landscape and blazing sun. Later in the week we were booked to do some off-road driving in a Landrover Defender and once I got over my initial nerves I was driving around like Mr. Magoo with "go faster" stripes, it was a hoot.

In fact, lately I've begun to appreciate the outdoors a lot more and have recently discovered the merits of running, ( yes, really ). I don't claim for one minute to be able to run particularly fast or for long periods of time but I love it, the rush of adrenalin is fantastic and I have managed to shed a further 7 pounds whilst pounding around with my Ipod too.

As you know if you have read my inane witterings as far back as that, last year I had a rather nasty scare when I found a lump, every woman's worst nightmare, ( not to mention what my Sis went through ). So, this year myself and a group of my girl friends are doing the "Race for Life" in Glasgow on Sunday June 5th, to raise money for cancer research. I have set up a fund raising page under my nom de plume so that anyone who reads my blog may also donate to Marie Curie too, a very worthy cause. I have set my target at £500 which is very attainable I would say so dig deep people !!
If you'd like to sponsor me you can do so without giving any of your personal information through this here link -

http://www.justgiving.com/Laura-Lee4

Thank you SOOOO much in advance, I will let you know how it all goes and how much I manage to raise too.

LL xx

Legalities, Log Cabins and London

2011-04-28T18:06:00.005+01:00

Good evening from LL towers, I've sat down to blog four times over the last couple of days and every time I did, something cropped up. That's life I guess. Before I bore you with what I've been up to I want to draw your attention to a couple of posts by Stephen Paterson, on the transition of Government funding from Eaves/Poppy to The Salvation Army, who now have the enormous task of "saving" us. Stephen writes brilliantly, in a very informed and clear manner.

http://stephenpaterson.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/beyond-the-edge-of-reason%E2%80%A6/#more-1247

http://stephenpaterson.wordpress.com/2011/04/26/the-poppy-project-and-the-empathy-gap/

There are interesting times ahead for us in Scotland too as this quote from Scot-PEP shows ;

"It was confirmed to us at Scot-PEP last week, by one of the leading abolitionists, that the intention to press ahead with the criminalisation of the purchase and sale of sex will continue in the new Parliament. With Ms. Godman’s retiral, it is not clear who will take that job on. However, we were told that it will be someone experienced and that “it” (presumably the criminalisation) “should not be a problem”.

Oh really ? We'll just see about that - I don't think many people appreciate parliamentary representatives trying to get a law passed by the back door and without a proper consultation process in situ. As usual the abolitionists under estimate the level of support that there is for clear and rational thinking, it promises to be one hell of a fight.

"I'll fight till from my bones my flesh be hacked" - one of my favourite quotes from The Scottish Play and rather apt given the promise of a fresh assault.

Speaking of assaults, last week J and I took off to the East Coast for a six day break. It was idyllic, with the sun beating down on us. In fact one of the highlights for me was when we fed some lambs their bottle, my God but they are hungry critters, I had a moment of empathy for Mother sheep everywhere. They have a vice like grip, that's all I'm saying ... ( with a wince ).

I think it's fair to say that in the normal course of events, if anyone had woken me at 8.45am to announce cheerily that we were going hill walking, there would have been a loaded silence followed by the application of an ice pack to a swollen jaw. However, circumstances being as they were, I smiled sweetly and headed for the shower. ( Apart from anything else, I was biding my time because I knew we had a fairly hefty dom session planned, heh heh. )

In a subsequent public service announcement, J extolled his virtues as a former boy scout, so with my mis-placed trust placed in his compass and map we set off. It wasn't long before we established that we were well and truly lost and the sun was heating up on a par with my temper. To cap it all, came this little beauty -

"We are not lost. As a former boy scout I can tell you there is no such thing as lost, just a constant reassessment of our position".

He does it on purpose you see, wind me up I mean. He enjoys watching the steam emanate from my ears and by the time we got to the bottom of the hill again we were knotting ourselves laughing. The break was complete with a visit to Glamis Castle and some quad biking too, it was tremendous fun and he has very kindly written me a review here ;

http://www.adultwork.com/FR?41920

Tomorrow ( and against my better judgement ) I have agreed to look after two little darlings as well as my own, and I can't forsee that the Royal wedding will be sufficient entertainment for them. Tough, I want to see what the frock looks like. ( It's a girl thing ). I'll buy them off with a McDonalds - works every time.

On Saturday I'm off on my travels again, this time to the Highlands for a week, to a log cabin by a lake, fantastic. When I get back I have some time in Glasgow and then I'm off to London. I will be there on the 18th, 19th and 20th of May with Susan and the delectable Ellie Lloyd too, so if you'd like to arrange a lunchtime sandwich with a definite bite, do drop me a line. ;)

Enjoy the beautiful weather and I'll catch up with you when I get back from 'oop North.

LL xx

Magnanti and Mentoring

2011-04-18T01:42:00.004+01:00

Good evening, greetings from home, where I'm fighting for space on the sofa with my furries.

First of all, I want to apologise most sincerely for the sudden cessation of my Inverness tour, I had a phone call from home and had to sprint down the A9 and as such I haven't been available since then. As I'm away from tomorrow for six days I won't be available in Glasgow until April 24th. I felt dreadful leaving Susan on her lonesome but it really couldn't be helped, so to those guys I had to cancel at the last minute, my apologies and I will see you in June.

*sigh*

Dr. Magnanti ( aka Belle ) recently did an interview where she addressed " third wave feminism " and answered her feminist critics. In the comments afterwards high levels of vitriol and hatred ensued, with the usual suspects out in force. The link is here ;

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/apr/10/brooke-magnanti-belle-de-jour

The bit that interested me was this ;

"I spend about half of my email time every day discouraging people clearly unsuited to the job from doing it. I'd be interested to know how many of my critics have actually successfully talked anyone out of sex work, because I do it all the damn time."

Hmmm, I can identify with that. Some time ago a lady contacted me and expressed an interest in becoming an escort. We chatted on the phone and she seemed to be brimming with enthusiasm, so I arranged to meet her for coffee.

"I mean, obviously I would have to fancy them".

Oh dear.

"Ok, see that man over there with the long beard, nervous tick and unfortunate nasal excavation habit ? Can you see yourself rolling around with him with an hour ?"

Suffice to say that by the time we had finished coffee she was reconsidering her career.

It's not that I don't like my job, I love it, but it takes a certain type of person to do it and to be successful at it too. It's only fair that I make it abundantly clear that not all clients look like Richard Gere ( or even Hugh Grant for that matter ) and that even the most polished professionals can have a shitty attitude or halitosis. ( Special mention must go to the labia biters and those who think it's erotic to lick your cheek. ) Escorting can be a fabulous career for the right lady, but they must be aware of the potential pitfalls such as secrecy and lies, the possibility of being outed and of course stigma and social isolation.

On a more positive note, another lady has made it through all the jumps and hurdles that is the Grand National of becoming an escort and has launched her site. ( Another slim blonde, seriously ? Someone on high is having a laugh ).

She is Glasgow based and is already lining her diary with appointments and so she should be, I think she'll be a fabulous escort. Here's her website ;

http://maxeem.co.uk/

Meanwhile, I'm off to get packed, J and I are off to the East Coast tomorrow for six days of fun and frolics with plans including a secluded forest and a picnic with a difference. ;)

I'll catch up with you when I get back.

LL xx

Tarts and Tadpoles

2011-04-08T22:38:00.003+01:00

Good evening and greetings from LL towers ( new edition ) where I have finally come down to earth after a nerve destroying house move.

Before I start waxing lyrical about that, I wanted to draw your attention to a recent interview Krystal Champagne did for the TV - I thought she came across brilliantly, she's a very brave lady to speak out as she did. One of my favourite parts was where she said that true degradation is when you take away the choices of women, one of those choices being to enter the sex industry. Well said that lady.

The link is here ;

http://www.itv.com/tynetees/krystal-interview93405/

Another link for you - the rather brilliant Dr. Brooke Magnanti has begun a new blog, looking at the statistics and issues surrounding sex work from a scientist's point of view. It promises to be excellent reading and the link is here ;

http://sexonomics-uk.blogspot.com/

I will certainly follow that with interest.

In the meantime, on the 31st of March I moved house. I am noting the date because on the 1st of April I had to catch a flight to Bristol at 7am. Brilliant.
( Not impressed.com )

I have no idea where all of the "stuff" came from, there seemed to be an endless line of boxes and bags. Actually, most of it can be attributed to l'enfant terrible who has developed a penchant for hoarding. I've told her that if she's not careful she'll end up on "A life of Grime", but to no avail. Her most prized possession came with us too, her collection of tadpoles. ( More on that later ).

Anyway I flew to Bristol, praying that if I'm ever going to be outed it wouldn't be that day, because far from stepping off the plane as a glamorous, non-plussed escort, I'm sure I managed to make small children cry and adults recoil in horror as I waited for my case. My long suffering and very good friend BBW Claire came to the rescue, she picked me up from the airport and took me to her abode where I could have a snooze and a shower before heading off into the night, finally in a gown and full make-up. ( One has standards, you know. )

The next day was a social event, it was Amanda's birthday too. I won't go into too much detail about her birthday cake etc. as it has been covered admirably by Claire in her blog -

http://bbwclaire.wordpress.com/2011/04/06/if-i-knew-you-were-coming-id-have-baked-a-cake/

There was quite a group of us and much hilarity ensued - it was wonderful to see Danish Pia again, I haven't seen that lady since 2008. What Claire didn't mention in her blog though, is that the kitchen of the restaurant where we were quickly caught onto the fact that we were a group of rather naughty people, not because of our behaviour but because one of our members merrily informed them that they could feel free to make a show of Amanda, no barriers. Above then, is the creation presented to us by the Head Chef which he "whipped up" whilst we were waiting for the cake. ( Naughty Italian Chef, I almost ended his shift early by taking him in a headlock to a taxi. )

I flew home the following day to absolute mayhem, little princess and boxes everywhere. *sigh*

Her prized collection of tadpoles had found it's way onto the mantelpiece, contained as they were in a Wall's ice-cream tub. ( For what it's worth, I hate animals out of their natural environ, which is why I hate Zoo's, I remember going to Edinburgh Zoo and being deeply depressed by the polar bear who was clearly not well, rocking back and forth. She has since been re-homed in the Highlands. )

Girl cat, on the other hand, welcomed our new edition with open paws. To her, it was like "Whack a Mole" on Brighton Pier. Simply insert your paw, bash a tadpole on the head and repeat ad nauseum, until you're bored or all of the tadpoles have migrated to the bottom of the tub in the fervent hope that said cat will bog off.

Not to be outdone, girl cat came up with a cunning plan. Tonight I came home to what can only be described as tadpole carnage. She got fed up with the "waiting for them to come to the surface" thing and knocked the entire tub to the floor. I'm not sure if you've ever had the experience of trying to pick up tadpoles from a very slippy laminate floor but I promise you, it's not fun. The population of our tadpoles went from approx. 237 to 9 in one swoop of a paw.

Whoops.

As an animal lover, I should be gutted. The truth though, is amongst the mayhem of boxes of "favourite" headless dolls and games missing most of their pieces, the very last thing I needed was some adolescent amphibians boinging around. I know, I'm horrible. The good news is that tomorrow the gutsy survivors are being re-homed in the pond two doors down and not a minute before time, they have just started to develop their back legs and for a cat, once they've matured sufficiently, I'm sure that represents a challenge akin to pacman. Not in my house it doesn't.

With a deep sigh, I'm off to contemplate why I have developed such a crush on John Bishop ( Liverpudlian comedian ). There's nowt queerer than folk.

LL xx

This just in re Trish Godman...

2011-03-18T14:53:00.008Z

...from the Journal of the Law Society of Scotland.

It looks as if:-
1. It will not be implemented unless both WGs and punters are criminalised.
2. The Committee thought it was totally impractical anyway.

"Purchase and sale of sex;

Trish Godman MSP has been holding a public consultation on her proposed Criminalisation of the Purchase and Sale of Sex ( Scotland ) Bill. This looks to criminalise the purchasers of sex and related selling activities and seeks views on a number of areas including penalties and whether to criminalise the purchaser only or the purchaser and seller. The Criminal Law Committee is submitting a response. It notes the intention of the Bill to reduce demand for the purchase of sex in Scotland, and to strengthen existing legislation in order to make Scotland an unattractive market for prostituting and related trafficking.

On the main question, the commmittee feels on balance, that if the bill were to be passed, both seller and purchaser should be criminalised, as this would be consistent with the gender balance in previous legislation and also would allow intervention and support with regard to those involved in prostitution.

The committee welcomes any objective which reduces the risk of harm to women involved in prostitution, but has concerns with regard to the practical effects of this proposal."

Meanwhile, herewith an excerpt from a letter I received this morning which I really liked ;

Dear Laura,

As instructed I followed the link http://weareequals.org/blog/guest-blogger-belle-de-jour/ blog, and I now have you to blame for my high blood pressure! I must have scanned most of the ~200 replies and the only one I agree with is Eva’s. Who is M. Smith? Who is Eva? Smith has a self-destructive approach if his intension is to educate people. Rather aggressive and insulting in many replies and particularly to Dr M.

Perhaps it’s important for you to know who I am. Well nobody really. A well established scientist at the University of *********, who has never enjoyed the company of an escort or any other sex-worker. But there are a few things that get me really annoyed. Bad data, bad statistics, biased documentation, poor scientific methodology any form of prejudice or injustice. I think most of the documents I’ve seen from the anti-lobby qualify for all of the above.

Previous high blood pressure was caused my T. Godman and that document ‘Challenging Demand Scotland’ which she frequently uses to justify her Bill, along with documents from news papers and TV shows. Not exactly peer-reviewed academic research! I did respond to her Bill, although got stuck on question 1 and found myself constrained by not being able to express my view within the boundaries of the questions. But why only 38 individuals? You must have more clients than that? Why did they not reply? There are problems with the sex industry but they can be tackled in a more sympathetic, helpful and constructive manner. This Bill will not achieve its aims.

There is also so much information within the peer-reviewed journals that there is no excuse not to be well informed. It’s rare that you can delve into another research area and understand the articles. Most of the time you need at least a couple of degrees and years of specialisation before you stand a chance. So even less excuse for MSP’s to be so ignorant! Perhaps I’ve been selective but most peer-reviewed papers are very positive about your occupation and equally aware of the problems and their solutions. But I should read the anti-lobby even if their research is not peer-reviewed and financially supported by anti-prostitution groups: As long as you know, its OK. I don’t wish to be accused of being biased.

I really don’t know how you survive, and I apologise for this rant! – Don’t know why I find the need to contact you other than to demonstrate support.

Sir, your support is very much appreciated and the voice of common sense is always welcome.

LL xx

Belle and Belligerence

2011-03-17T13:09:00.004Z

Belle de Jour ( or Dr. Magnanti to give her her "proper" title ) was recently invited to submit a blog to the we are equals blog. The link is here for you ;

http://weareequals.org/blog/guest-blogger-belle-de-jour/

....and the main crux of her text -

When we think of the battles for women’s equality, we tend these days to dwell on issues like childcare or maternity leave. If the focus shifts outside of the bubble of middle class privilege, it is to consider the plight of women in developing countries, many of whom are denied basic rights such as education. Surely, we think, all the fundamental battles have been won; surely in the Western world the problem now is tweaking the makeup of boardrooms or discussing the right height of kitten heel for a female MP. We’ve done it, we think. We’re nearly there. We’re winning.

And yet there is still a large, and largely silent, population of women in this country whose rights are compromised on daily basis.
That group is sex workers.

While not all people who engage in sex work are women, the vast majority are, and when laws and policies are written, they are usually written to address female, heterosexual sex work. Anti-trafficking efforts focus on women; so, too, does outreach for streetwalkers.

And yet we fall down on some of the most basic equalities when it comes to this group of women. Consider, for instance, the case of Newcastle policeman Stephen Mitchell, convicted of raping women he met in the line of duty. Women with pasts, sometimes addicts and streetwalkers. But women nonetheless. He terrorized women for seven years before being brought to justice.

When sex workers are attacked by serial murderers, the discussion of ‘prostitutes’ rather than ‘women’ absorbs the press. As if, somehow, by having exchanged money for sex – an act which is legal in this country – one forever relinquishes the right to expect not to be murdered. Yes, sex work is sometimes dangerous. But perhaps we, as a society, should be asking ourselves whether our endless judgment of sex workers, rather than doing anything to stop violent murderers, is exacerbating the problem.

Earlier this year, in Florida, policeman Jimmy Dac Ho confessed to handcuffing and killing an escort after he refused to pay her. Former colleagues recalled Ho as sexually inappropriate with his female co-workers, and a string of domestic abuse allegations caused him to lose a previous job. It’s small wonder, then, that sex workers can feel mistrustful and suspicious of the police.

In Surrey, brothel madam Hanna Morris rang police after two armed and masked men robbed her establishment. She was the one who was arrested. The criminals who broke in were never pursued. It seems a perverse action to say the least, and does nothing to reassure women who may already be vulnerable to crime. If the police won’t help them, if the media and public label them, how can we call this society equal? I’m afraid to say that even people whose morality you may disapprove of deserve the full protection of law. That’s kind of how it’s meant to work in our society.

Unfortunately for those who think sex work should be criminalised, there is ample evidence to show that this ends up putting women in an even worse position. Afraid or unable to call on the police. Less likely to assert themselves with potentially dangerous clients. And as seen in places like Cambodia, at higher risk for infections like HIV. It’s an uncomfortable truth we must face up to – making sex work illegal puts women at risk.

For me, women will be equal when any crime against a woman is investigated and prosecuted the same regardless of her occupation and regardless of her sexual history. Human rights are human rights, full-stop, for women – all women – including women in sex work.

Bravo, very well said. I thought it was a very articulate and reasoned piece highlighting the continuing imbalance in the perceptions of sex workers as workers and women deserving of the same rights as all other workers.

As I have become accustomed to, some of the comments afterwards in the ensuing debate left me sliding from my chair in shock. Take this for an example ;

Here’s a thought, prostitutes: stop selling what does not belong to you exclusively. You don’t have MY permission to make my sexuality– or my sister’s, or my daughter’s, or my friends’, etc– your product for personal profit. When you make all women less safe in the world because of what you do, I don’t really care about your special need for “protection.”

WOW !! I don't need to ask for anyone's permission to do what I do, I think you'll find. As for making all women in the world feel unsafe, oh please. If I want to sit in my greenhouse as part of my huge house in Shropshire and cross-stitch all day, that is my perogative. Equally if I want to work in the sex industry quite legally and enjoy the freedom of being self employed not to mention the financial security, that too is my perogative. To me, that commentator is showing sheer hatred towards sex workers in that they are saying that they don't care what happens to us. For someone who purports to be concerned with the safety of "all women", I find that statement to be indicative of the marginalisation and stigma we encounter as sex workers all the time. "LET'S PROTECT ALL WOMEN, BUT NOT PROSTITUTES BECAUSE THEY DESERVE WHAT THEY GET".

Luckily and before I lost the will to live ( I do that a lot, you may have noticed ) another commentator brought up the valuable studies of Dr. Suzanne Jenkins, a lady I had the pleasure of meeting in Manchester.

You may want to look at a more recent research paper published by Dr. Suzanne Jenkins, from Keele University, Staffs on prostitution. BEYOND GENDER: AN EXAMINATION OF EXPLOITATION IN SEX WORK. Available at http://www.sexworker.at/phpBB2/download.php?id=479

Facts like 72% female escorts like the work for the independence, 67% for meeting people and of course 93% for the money.

When asked about client relationships 54% put the transaction as an equality, 26% that the client was vulnerable. Only 6% saw that the client had power over them.

77% of escorts felt their clients respected them, and a similar number also respected their client.

72% of escorts felt their self confidence had been increased.

56.6% of escort felt they had never been exploited by their clients, while only 3% were exploited often.

The abolitionists are very fond of throwing around statistics that are suited to their own agenda, almost always derived from aged studies on street workers. The findings above go a long way towards dispelling those myths.

Finally, this comment caught my eye -

Yes us former prostituted people all know the views of the uknswp who do not represent the majority of prostituted people in this country or on a global scale. Just as the prostituted people know what their views are – or should I say the minorty views they are interested in hearing. They, like other people who propose to represent prostituted people are more interested in putting the concerns of a tiny few forward. It allows them to live in la la land. They are linked with the IUSW for example who recruit abusers from Punternet and encourage them to lobby their MP’s to legalise! Most of these rights groups are made up of a tiny minority of people who do not have regular intense bodily contact with tricks, lots of them work in the fetish industry or like Magnanti, work in the big money mainly white middle class trade.

I am truly sorry that the commentator's experience of the sex industry has been such a negative one, like any other industry it has several complex tiers. Having suffered the abuse she did, I can only conclude that she was working largely against her will, which is not the experience of the vast majority of sex workers.

I may work in the mainly middle class trade now but I have worked in parlours many years ago and have experienced many different aspects of the industry. Her criticism of Magnanti appears to be largely that she purports to speak for all sex workers, but she doesn't. She speaks and has spoken about her own experiences in the sex industry and has said that she considers herself very lucky in her time there. I can say the same thing too, I speak for myself - having said that I have over the years met many, many sex workers at all levels.

I DO have regular intense bodily contact with my clients and as a frequent contributor to Punternet I take great exception to her assertion that we seek to "recruit abusers" to help lobby MP's. I have met a great many of those so called "abusers" and not always as clients, sometimes at socials, etc. Abusers they are not, regular professional men who enjoy the company of women for pay would be a better description. The fact that some of them use their professional expertise to advise on matters of law, etc. on the forum shows that they care for the welfare of WGs and how to protect them when the law fails.

I do not live in "la la land" thank you very much, I live in the real world. I know that if decriminalisation were to be permitted then the abuses like those suffered by the above commentator would be dramatically reduced if not erradicated completely through regulation. I do not seek to throw around grandiose generalisations about the sex industry, neither should the last commentator. I am a realist and I know that abuses happen but I also know that right across the board, at every level of the industry there are women who are truly happy in their work.

It is not for anyone else to tell me how I feel or what I ought to do, I am an independent woman and am well capable of articulating my own feelings or needs.

LL xx

Shakespeare and "Sorry"

2011-03-10T13:16:00.005Z

In the grand scheme of things, I'd rather not have been around when Shakespeare was writing one of his masterpieces. With all that backstabbing ( metaphorically and physically speaking ) that was going on, by the end of one of his productions, almost the entire cast has been murdered or they've gone stark raving mad. I remember with a tremendous fondness being brought to see Zepherelli's production of Romeo and Juliet and being absolutely gutted at the end. "Nooooo, don't do that, she's not really dead, she's .... Oh." ( As I recall, the whole excursion was almost ruined by a couple of eegits who bellowed during the love scene "Good man yerself" but a steely glare from Sr. Bernadette soon sorted that. )

After that we went on to do The Scottish Play, and Lady M remains one of my favourite characters to this day. ( I don't suppose it occurred to anyone to tell her that all the sweet perfumes of Arabia would do nothing to help a psychotic episode but then it was centuries ago. )

The reason I'm having fond Shakespearian thoughts is because on Saturday, J took me to the Theatre Royal in Glasgow to see King Lear and it was wonderful. When the lead character carried Cordelia onto the stage for the final scene, I must admit my waterproof mascara was tested to the max. ( In fact I made my excuses and made for the ladies after curtain fall, only to run into a regular client and his wife, but she was too busy exchanging air-kisses with the creme de la creme of Glasgow society to notice the animated wink he sent my way - cheeky sod. )

A few things have had me deep in thought lately, not in a maudlin way though.

About a month ago I had a serious falling out with a lady who means a lot to me, I lost my temper ( as did she ) and since we are both of a similar Celtic disposition ( for which read - feisty, hot headed and stubborn as mules ), a silence ensued that I know affected me deeply, perhaps her too, although it would kill her to admit it.

Then I went on tour to Newcastle and Susan and I watched the news coverage of the events in Japan unfolding with slack-jawed horror. These people were having their entire lives taken from them, their homes, their families, their everything. It really put my own gripes into perspective and so I did the unthinkable, I wrote a very long and very open email which in all honesty could have been summed up in one word - "Sorry".

Within 18 hours, came the reply, equally as laborious but which could be summarised as "It takes two people to have a row, so I guess I'm partially to blame too". ( If you knew the lady concerned, that really is an incredibly generous concession to blame, more than I expected actually. ;) )

Sometimes, to apologise and offer the hand of friendship is to be the bigger woman and I'm very glad I did.

LL xx

Arts and Tarts

2011-03-07T12:50:00.008Z

Afternoon all, I'm not long back from a weekend hob-knobbing around the Yorkshire dales where I found the most wonderful shop title, hence the sign above. I came back relaxed, smiling and happy, ( as was my gentleman companion ).

Tour de Ayrshire came to an abrupt halt this week when my bicycle and I parted company rather suddenly and I landed in an undignified heap in the park, much to the amusement of some neds and their pitbull. I have since decided to stick to power walking and the gym, since overall they would seem to have less of a detrimental effect to my health, which is kinda contrary to the whole point of it all. *sigh*

Good news fellas !! Ellie Lloyd is on tour in Glasgow this week. Catch her while you can, she is a very popular lady, and with good reason. Here is a link to her site :

http://www.ellie-lloyd.com

Meanwhile, I have been busy updating my availability diary which is now done until the end of April. On Wednesday I'm off to Newcastle to tour for three days which I'm looking forward to as always - Howay, I love my Geordie men. :)

Saturday morning I need to get up at silly o'clock and head back to sunny Glasgae because I am booked overnight and am being treated to the Arts and dinner. ( Memo to self - pack best dress and preferably iron it the night before ). It will be fun to wake Susan at that hour, she growls like a pre-menstrual lioness but she loves me really.

Finally on Sunday I have an evening engagement with a new gent, so I will be on my best behaviour, ( sort of ). If you take a peak at my availability diary you might notice I am touring very little in April, that's because I have two longer engagements in my diary, one for six days and one for a week so to tour in the middle of all that would just be too much. Also, I am moving house, ARRRGHHH !! The thoughts of it alone are enough to induce a cold sweat, black sacks and boxes with cats hiding therein, it's an additional stress I can do without.

So for today, I'm doing the guilt thing. This is what happens when you try and sub-divide yourself by eight.

1. Tonight I have promised my little princess a girl's night in, I have an outcall but it's only for an hour, so after that we are going to make the world's largest bowl of popcorn and I am jumping into her bed for the night for the "treat" that is "Glee" and other even cornier cheerleading movies.

2. Having done this blog I am off to the supermarket to get some fresh cod for my moggies because unfortunately as soon as boy cat spots my suitcase in the hall he does his best impression of a draught excluder at the front door and when that doesn't work, howls like a baby.

3. Finally I suppose I should email my Uni tutor and apologise for the late entry of my assignment, ( again ).

Still - as I say to some of my older gentleman callers, better late than never. ;)

LL xx

Bikes and Belle

2011-03-02T08:54:00.006Z

I'm going for a nice ride today. :D

( No, not that kind, wash your minds out. ) As part of my ongoing quest to shed weight in time for the end of March measurements I have a shiny new bicycle. Today for the first time in 25 years I am going biking. I'm going to make a start in the local park whilst the children are at school so there's no-one around to laugh aside from Edna and Eunice walking their West Highland Terriers and as a dominatrix I have practiced a glare for them that would stop a clock.

As an aside I am really enjoying the new series of "Secret Diary of a Call Girl". Last week's episode featuring the adult baby had me crying with laughter. In truth in all my time as an escort I can say I've met a maximum of three adult babies and only one of them was in the FULL regalia of nappy, bonnet and bib. Role play is surely one of the best parts of what I do, and the most fun. Sometimes guys have a rough idea of what they'd like to achieve, other times they hand me a script, quite literally.

One such client has very kindly given me his permission to publish his script which Amanda and I did in Inverness recently - ( it's cut and paste so don't blame me for change in tenses etc. ) -

You and Amanda (my fellow flatmates) are trying to get to sleep when I arrive home late with some mates. After a couple of hours of beer and music my mates finally make there way home leaving me surrounded by empty beer bottles, a half eaten pizza and crisps on the floor.
I feel a bit tipsy and decide to leave the mess until the next day.

The next morning your not at your best due to a disturbed sleep and when you see the state of the living room you come into my room "If you haven`t "tidied up when Amanda and I get back you will be sorry" you say sternly, I turn over and mumble " Yea OK"
I did not feel like getting up and decided to lie in bed a bit longer. It was only when I heard you and Amanda return that I realised I had spent all morning in bed.
I knew I was in trouble now as I heard you march towards my room. "What do you think you are doing still in bed, I told you to to have this place tidied before we got back now get up and clean this place right now."
" Why don`t you and Amanda make a start and I`ll get up in a bit" I replied in a offhand manner.
"You insolent lazy young man we will make a start don`t you worry but not clearing up your mess, we are going to make a start on spanking your bottom."and with that you whisked the covers of me and tucked at my pyjama bottoms.
I resisted saying "No Laura" but you easily slid my pyjama bottoms down over my hips.
"Get over my knee now" you commanded as you sat on the bed
I thought about refusing but I knew you could overpower me so I lay across your knee apprehensively fully aware that my bare bottom was in full view.
SMACK, SMACK, rang the sound in my ears every time your hand landed on my bottom.
My bottom stung with every slap "OUCH, OUCH STOP", I protested but you continued spanking.
Then the door swung open "Good for you Laura thats exactly what he deserves"
I looked up to see Amanda with a big smile on her face " Oh don`t let me stop you Laura I am so going to enjoy watching until its my turn".
Then my spanking recommenced the slaps coming harder and faster SMACK, SMACK, SMACK. I squirmed and reared but I was held firmly OW, OW OUCH".
"You are a inconsiderate and lazy flatmate" you scolded as you spanked.
"My goodness that bottom is getting quite red now" Amanda remarked I could sense she was eager for her turn but you continued spanking me for some time before eventually stopping.

"Now Amanda I`ve warmed this bottom up nicely for you would like to take a turn?" " Oh yes please" was the reply as I stood up and rubbed my bottom.
You got up and now Amanda was sitting on the bed "Now its my turn" said Amanda as she patted her knees and told me to bend over
I bent over Amanda`s knees thinking that at least she wouldn `t spank so hard.
"Keeping me awake last night, lying in bed all morning and not cleaning up your mess thats just not on" said Amanda as she settled into a slow rythm of firm but not hard smacks.
"But I was just going to get up and start cleaning up" I protested.
"Don`t listen to him Amanda do you know he even had the cheek to suggest that we start cleaning as he wasn`t ready to get up."
"Oh he did did he, well we will just have to teach him a lesson Laura and with that Amanda starting spanking vigorously.
"Ow, Ow, Ouch" I cried out as the stinging slaps reigned down on my burning bottom.

I struggled in vain across Amanda`s knee as I watched you leave the room thinking at least Laura is satisfied only to be dismayed to see you return with a spanking paddle.
"Here Amanda try this" you said as you handed Amanda the paddle.
There was a pause in my punishment as I waited in anticipation for the paddle to land. Slap, the first blow made me gasp then Slap, Slap the paddling began each smack making me jerk "OUCH, Oww, Stop" I cried.
Amanda continued to paddle me until I stopped struggling "there maybe that will teach you" she said as she handed you the paddle.

I got up and started to pull up my pyjama bottoms only to hear you say "I`m not finished with you yet, bend over the end of the bed"
"But Laura I`m sorry" I said as I slowly bent over the bed.
"You will be when I`m finished" you replied as you smacked my bare bottom with the paddle hard. I tried to protect my bottom with my hand only to find my hand pinned down on my back as the paddle repeatedly smacked my reddened cheeks .SMACK, SMACK "Oh no ouch" SMACK "Stop" SMACK. " Alternating between the paddle and your hand you continued to spank for some time untill I said "I`m sorry I `ll be a better flatmate".
"Good thats exactly what Amanda and I want from you" you said as you put down the paddle.

"I think Iain has learned his lesson now Amanda don`t you " I heard you say as the spanking eventually stopped.
"I should think so thats a very red bottom" was the reply
"OK Iain up you get and remember that bad behaviour in this flat will always result in a good spanking, that applys to all of us of course" you said as you smiled at Amanda.
"Yes thats only fair" Amanda replied sheepishly
As I gingerly pulled up my pyjama bottoms over my scarlet bottom I wondered if the opportunity to spank Amanda or Laura would ever arise. One thing I was sure about however, there would be many spankings to come and that I would be on the recieving end of most of them.

Honest to Gawd, it was like an Eastenders script, the craic we had doing it was immense and my client went home delighted with himself with a very red bottom.

The "true" life of an escort, how I love thee.

Right, I'm off to polish my helmet. ( Stoppit !! )Wish me luck, I really don't fancy spending the evening in A & E.

LL xx

Catch up and cabbages

2011-03-01T17:42:00.010Z

Hello and firstly let me extend my apologies for not blogging for a while - it has been crazy busy for me in every aspect and I feel like I'm being pulled in 8 different directions at the moment.

Firstly, it may interest you to know that there is a radio play coming up on BBC -
" The Escort's Tale " which will be broadcast on Monday 7th March at 2pm on BBC Scotland. You may notice some subtle similarities with this writer. *cough*

Secondly I'm doing a piece for a BBC breakfast show about the current increase in women and men turning to prostitution as a way of financing their studies. I have asked that my bit be pre-recorded, sorry but I don't do mornings and I'm also worried that the worst bout of nerves will hit and I'll go blank. I'll let you know when it's going to be aired - I myself will be hiding under the duvet with a cat or two.

Lastly, I would like to indulge in a bit of a rant. On my Adultwork page I have a section marked "Availability Diary", it's there FOR A REASON. I am busier than ever, tonight I am in Glasgow, Thursday I am in Perth and on Friday I am off to Yorkshire for the weekend. You'd wonder then, why I still get the calls - " Can I see you for half an hour th'noo ?" NO YOU FECKING WELL CAN'T. I don't do half hours in Glasgow anyway, only on tour, which they'd know if they'd read the feckin' profile properly, and I also say that I need notice, since on awakening I look more like "The Living Dead" than anything approaching desirable.

Speaking of desirable, I've said it before and I'll say it again - this is a very bitchy industry. The latest crop of whispers have reached my ears, started as usual by a couple of ladies with the emotional maturity and intellectual ability of a reduced price limp Asda cabbage. Ladies, I'd like to invite you to remove your Primark stockings and stick them in your foul mouths, no-one is interested in your inane mutterings anyway. Bitch on, because at the end of the day the only people who have become known as those who act in a bitchy, self-defeating or significantly counterproductive way are your good selves. The rest of us point and laugh.

On that note I have a dinner date to get ready for, I'm off to wrestle my last remaining seamed stocking from girl cat.

LL xx

Fears and Forward Thinking

2011-02-09T21:06:00.005Z

Evening all, greetings from Carlisle. Since I last blogged I've been busy having a tremendous time, most recently in Inverness with Susan and Amanda. One of my subs there did a review for me, thank you !!

http://www.punternet.com/frs/fr_view.php?recnum=102249

Speaking of subs, we've been at it again, my Slave Bitch and I. We've been on a journey I think, exploring each other's boundaries ( as he says ) and we have finally arrived at the moment I've been dreading, electric play. Now, I'm not afraid of VERY severe domination, in fact I enjoy it, but I'll let you into a little secret, I'm petrified of electricity.

At the tender age of about 7, my Mother and I were doing the garden one afternoon when she asked me to go and unplug the lawnmower. I couldn't get the plug out so I wandered into the kitchen and got a knife to force it from the socket. There was a loud bang and I was thrown across the hall. Since then, the mere crackle of electricity is enough to have me running for the proverbial hills. So there you have it, a fearsome dominatrix ( inter alia ) who strikes fear into the hearts of grown men but would rather shave my head than try and re-wire a plug.

I mention this now because in April I am off on an extended date with said slave and my latest toy has arrived, a 'tens machine'. When applied as intended with gel,it is apparently a very effective pain relief mechanism, however, when applied with no gel and increased oomph it's enough to give a sub a perm. Some how or other I need to get over this ridiculous fear if I'm to apply it with menance rather than shaking hands. Hmmmm.

Also, my slave has set me a challenge. He has offered to buy me a handmade leather catsuit which is jolly decent of him. I, however refuse point blank to wear such a tailor made object of beauty until I have lost at least two stone, I do not want to look like a ( badly ) rolled up carpet. So, I have until the end of March before I need to submit my measurements and so far I have lost seven pounds, hurrah !! The no alcohol helps of course, but I must increase my visits to the gym. It's just not exactly inspiring when you wake to grey skies and sleet.

On a far more serious note ;

The Private Member’s Bill introduced by Trish Godman MSP, Criminalisation of the Purchase and Sale of Sex (Scotland) Bill is currently out for public consultation until the 18th February 2011.

http://www.scottish.parliament.uk/s3/bills/MembersBills/documents/20101122CriminalisationofPurchaseofSex.pdf

My initial reaction on reading the so-called Consultation Paper is to ignore it simply for the reason that it is so partisan as not to be a true attempt to look at the issues with any semblance of objectivity and instead leave it to all the feminist anti-prostitution groups write in with their supporting opinions. Godman is so prejudiced that she will not be moved by any arguments that we produce, so what is the point of making a contribution at all at this stage.

The result of Godman's so called 'Consultation' will be passed to the Parliamentary draughtsmen who will produce a Bill which will be so extreme that it may so scare the MSP's as being a lunatic measure produced as a final shot by a retiring MSP and they may disassociate themselves from it completely and not even want to amend it. These MSP's can be scared into taking no action and that can be seen in their recent complete rejection of Margo Macdonald's attempt to introduce a form of legal 'euthanasia by choice' in the form of the End of Life Assistance Bill.

Apart from that there is an Election in May 2011 and somehow I doubt that there will be time for the Parliament to deal with any measures produced by Godman before then. As I understand any Bill which has not been passed by May 2011 will fall.

It seems to me that only when the Godman measures come before the Justice Committee as a Bill that our arguments should be laid against it in the same way that contributions were made to amend Section 34 of the Criminal Justice and Licensing (Scotland) Bill earlier this year.

Of course one could argue that since she is retiring in May 2011, Ms. Godman is seeking to increase her appearance fees. I couldn't possibly comment. ;)

I need to get my thinking cap on and follow up on the correspondence I have already opened with various MSP's.

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."
William James

LL xx

UKNSWP Press Release

2011-02-06T11:12:00.000Z

4/2/11 – UKNSWP CONFERENCE “PREVENTING VIOLENCE, PROTECTING SEX WORKERS” – STRATEGIES TO PROTECT THE EXCLUDED

The annual UK Network of Sex Work Projects conference yesterday heard from Deputy Chief Constable Simon Byrne, of Greater Manchester Police and the ACPO Lead on Prostitution & Sexual Exploitation, about how the safety and protection of sex workers must be a key part of policing sex work and how police engagement in "Ugly Mugs" schemes and adopting a formal policy of treating crimes against sex workers as hate crime are tangible ways police forces can proactively begin to address crimes against sex workers.

Baroness Vivienne Stern, Cross Bench Peer in the House of Lords and author of the Stern review into the treatment of rape complaints, questioned the benefits of the current legal framework, speaking eloquently about the need to examine the failure of the legal system in preventing violence against people who sell sex and to give them protection and equal access to justice as a right.

The conference also heard from a range of UKNSWP member projects about their frontline work taking effective action to tackle violence and empower people who sell sex, including:

* UK-wide Ugly Mugs, a UKNSWP initiative supported by Simon Byrne, National Policing Improvement Agency, CEOP, Suzy Lamplugh Trust, Survivors Trust, Rape Crisis, Terence Higgins Trust and the International Union of Sex Workers, amongst others. The scheme would enable the sharing of information about violent offenders, robbers and others who commit crimes against people in the sex industry. The scheme would dramatically increase the number of violent offenders who are prosecuted and it is police opinion that more prosecutions would succeed.
* Terrence Higgins Trust and the Working Mens’ Project (St Mary’s Hospital, Paddington) on the under-reporting of rape and sexual assault by men who sell sex.
* Dr Nick Mai of London Metropolitan University on the complex relationships that underpin migration and exploitation.
* Georgina Perry from Open Doors, a service which covers three of the host boroughs for the 2012 Games, described the harmful impact of increased enforcement in the run up to the Games and her service’ efforts to encourage migrant sex workers to report crimes against them to the police, access support for victims of sexual offences and other crime and make them aware that they are entitled to the protection of the law via a multi-lingual DVD; one Newham sex worker, having contacted the police to avert a violent incident, was told by uniformed officers “don’t bother to call again”.
* Luan Grugeon on the holistic service provisions of Drugs Action in Aberdeen with drug using street sex workers with a range of health and social care needs.

Finally Dr Maggie O’Neill looked at issues of sex work , violence and citizenship and described lessons from Canada, where legal review has overturned the criminalisation of people who sell sex, valuing their safety over ineffective laws that attempted to treat sex work as only a nuisance, and failed even to solve the problems associated with prostitution on those terms.

Papers and Publications

2011-01-26T15:07:00.005Z

Due to circumstances beyond my control ( sigh ) I have had to cancel my London tour at short notice. Sorry but family comes first and I have some availability in Glasgow on Thursday / Friday, after that I am fully booked for the weekend.

Some time ago a sister organisation of Eaves published a paper claiming that since the introduction of lap dancing clubs in Camden, the number of reported rapes increased by 50%. Yes, 50%.
Since the publication of the original report, The Guardian published an apology and cited the real figure as 30%.

Dr. Brooke Magnanti PhD, ( the original Belle de Jour ) has since published a paper ;

"The impact of adult entertainment on rape statistics in Camden:a re-analysis."

I've included a link for you here ; http://www.scribd.com/doc/47185652/Green-Paper-Camden-Lilith-rape-stats

How wonderful to have an academic, former sex worker highlight the flaws in the "research" and processing of information involved in the original Eaves report.

Meanwhile, Jerome Taylor published a piece in The Indie about a concerted effort on the part of the police to open a dialogue between sex workers and the police in an effort to prevent further attacks such as Bradford and Ipswich.

The link is here for you ;

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/regulating-sex-industry-would-protect-women-says-police-chief-2171121.html

It is certainly a step in the right direction, as is setting up a nationwide "Ugly Mugs " scheme, so that sex workers can share information on violent clients, but it is not enough. What we need is the decriminalisation of all sex workers so that two women may work in a flat together without fear of prosecution and if the Police really want to open the channels of communication then surely this would be a valuable first step. Rather then operate in fear of the police, sex workers should feel able to contact the police to discuss any concerns they may have, this action alone could and will save lives.

Another article in The Indie caught my eye too, based on underage prostitutes working on the streets in terror of pimps -

Most evenings two or three gutsy women board a minibus. They drive around the local red-light spots – streets frequented by prostitutes, the town centre, parks and seedy bed & breakfasts. They are looking for trouble or at least the potential for it: children vulnerable to sexual exploitation.

"If we see a 13-year-old girl with a can of beer on the streets or in a park at 10.30 at night, we stop," says Wendy Shepherd, the leader of the teams of specialist workers at the child sexual exploitation unit of children's charity Barnardo's in the North-east of England.

Sometimes they confront the pimps. They can be faced with harrowing situations such as the aftermath of sexual assaults. They work into the early hours.

Whilst I absolutely applaud the actions of the women concerned, it should not be their role to confront the pimps and deal with the aftermath of what amounts to sexual assault of a minor. Where are the police ? How about, instead of raiding working flats where there are ladies working of their own volition and who ( shock - horror ) really enjoy their work, the police concentrate their efforts on the vulnerable, the weak, those who are too scared to do anything to change their lives ?

LL xx

Boy Bands and Belligerence

2011-01-20T23:03:00.007Z

Six sleeps until London !! I cannot wait, my diary is looking good and I will also have the chance to meet up with some other lovely ladies too.

Meanwhile, tonight I am in Newcastle chilling out after a busy day. Since I last blogged I've been in Belfast and Carlisle working away leaving a trail of grinning men in my wake. One of the lovely gents I met in Belfast has written me a review, thank you, I enjoyed myself immensely too, in case you hadn't noticed like. ;)

http://www.adultwork.com/FR?37802

The hotel is bouncing with over excited pre-pubescents because JLS were playing in Newcastle tonight. Actually, had I known I could have organised tickets for myself and Spandex too, I mean have you SEEN Marvin and THAT six pack ? ( To my older readers, I apologise - it's a boy band and as the proud Mother of a nine year old one needs to keep up to speed with the lastest "hotties". That's my excuse anyway and I'm sticking to it.) So here I sit, with a large coffee and a dollop of cream on top that was just made to be licked off a lady, and have I had a call from the management team of afore mentioned boy band ? Have I feckery. :(

My tour schedule has been pretty heavy going and I have also been very busy with Glasgow bookings in the interim so the truth be told I have been a tad STRESSED. Sometimes I feel as if I'm being pulled in 8 different directions at once and I need to prioritise my roles, spending more time with l'enfant terrible and also getting some study done. With that in mind I'm taking some time out in Feb to go back to the Green Isle and spend some time with my family, there's a family do I need to attend anyway and someone has to go on "Nan watch". This involves sitting alongside my Gran to make sure she doesn't cause too much offence to any one group of people at any one time. To clarify, it's hardly appropriate when she was being told off for blatant racism by the staff of the nursing home to respond with "I have no problem with darkies, they did a splendid job on my hip". I've long wondered how much of what she says is through ignorance and how much is just pure devillment and because she enjoys watching the veins pulse in the necks of her unfortunate captive audience.

Speaking of pulsing veins, it is deer culling season. In case it hasn't become screamingly apparent over time, I am a huge animal lover so there is more chance of me entering a Carmelite convent and taking a vow of silence than there is of me arming myself with a shotgun and setting off in search of Bambi.

Now, I am a realist and I know that the deer population in Scotland is simply too large and that if they are not culled they will starve, ergo I have no problem with a trained stalker taking them out with one shot to the head. What I do object to is Tristan Smedley Smythe and his pals embarking on a weekend of shooting when the closest thing they've ever had to professional training is playing soldiers with their chums, ducking down behind hedges with water pistols in their boyhood. ( I do know of one gent who organises such weekends for the afore mentioned eegits and if it becomes apparent that they are simply trying to prove their manliness after far too many glasses of 'Bolly', then he will ensure that they are at all times doomed to failure, downwind of the stag. )

Anyway, as always I have a solution.

Take Roger Feckwit-Fontleroy and his friends and place them on a random piece of Highland land. Employ several of the most depolorable neds who have been smoking weed for so long that they have lost all sense of reality and provide them with quad bikes. Furnish the neds with the obligatory buckfast beforehand and give the "Hooray Henry's" a good head start. ( Well, everyone likes a fair fight right ? ) Then release the neds to chase the City traders and stand back and admire. Everyone's a winner, the double barrelled named boys get the thrill of a chase and a hunt, whilst the neds are temporarily taken from our ever increasing unemployment figures.

Result.

LL xx

Gay Porn and Giving Up

2010-12-29T04:26:00.003Z

Good Morning, well when I say good, there's nothing feckin' good about it. It is 4.30am and I am wide awake having a tea party with my cats because I can't sleep.

The last time I was awake at this ungodly hour deserves a mention actually, it involved myself and a pal, watching a Gay Police Porn DVD placing bets on whether it would actually go, you know.... there. It did, and we were suitably gobsmacked. In fact she was heard to exclaim - "that is the largest blunderbuss I have ever seen". That was the day I discovered why men enjoy watching two ladies together, but I digress.

I came back from Ireland with some very fetching pressies including a full length cow print pyjama suit, ( just MADE for overnight bookings ), a Jack Dee audio book ( awesome ) and the worst bout of flu I have ever had in my life. I started feeling unwell on the boat on the way back and by the time I had embarked on the drive home from Stranraer I had broken out into a cold sweat and was shivering and achey. To add insult to injury, after I made it to bed I felt like a large rhinoceros had taken up residence on my chest and was not moving for all the sweet potatoes in the world. Wonderful.

Since then, life has been an endless round of cancelled bookings and plans combined with coughing that would make Ena Sharples look like Princess Diana. Have you ever seen the heavily lined grey face of a woman who looks fifteen years older due to smoking ? I have. NOT sexy.

Enough is enough.

Being pig headed has it's advantages so today I am marching down to my GP to announce loudly that I am giving up the evil habit of smoking and that I will require patches, nasal inhalers, and anything else the NHS can offer which will make me less likely to kill someone with my bare hands.

In the spirit of friendship I will forewarn my nearest and dearest so they can dig trenches and don flak jackets, to provide protection from high velocity projectiles.

Wish me luck.

LL xx

International Union of Sex Workers - Press Release

2010-12-28T19:20:00.000Z

The IUSW welcomes the statements by ACPO’s lead on prostitution and sexual exploitation, Assistant Chief Constable Simon Byrne, that it is time to look again at the laws around prostitution.

Law surrounding the sex industry are complex, confusing and ineffective in targeting harm. In fact, it makes sex workers’ lives more dangerous. There are already general laws to target violence, coercion and abuse, which sex workers are prevented from accessing through fear of the police, as there is an inherent contradiction between the police roles of protection and prosecution.

3,000-22,000 of the estimated 80,000 people who sell sex in the UK do so on street and are criminalised under the Street Offences Act of 1959 if they loiter or solicit; the Sexual Offences Act 1985 penalises kerb-crawling. The Policing & Crime Act 2009 tweaked existing legislation: the requirement for persistent behaviour by kerb-crawlers was removed and a definition of “persistence” for soliciting or loitering was given: twice in three months. That gives this profoundly vulnerable group of women the opportunity to have contact with the police four times a year without fear of arrest.

Over the past 50 years, this legislation has entirely failed to solve the problems associated with street prostitution. The most “successful” outcomes, resulting from expensive long term enforcement, are displacement (for example, street sex workers moved to Norwich as a result of increased police action in Ipswich).

Indoors, it is possible to work entirely legally, but the only way to be free of the risk of prosecution is to work for yourself in complete isolation. Two people working together fulfils the legal definition of a brothel, so the law builds in isolation at the most fundamental level; the owner or tenant is liable to up to 7 years imprisonment.

“Controlling for gain” – legislation on “pimping” – explicitly includes people who are working of their own free will and covers almost every way of working with or for a third party.

Prosecution requires no evidence of coercion, violence or abuse; there have been several recent successful prosecutions where it was accepted in court that the defendant offered a safe, fair and honest working environment to women who freely chose to be there.

Likewise, our legal definition of trafficking fails to meet the standard of either the UN Protocol to Prevent, Suppress and Punish Trafficking (commonly called the Palermo Protocol) or the Council of Europe Convention on Trafficking. It refers to knowledge and intent, not coercion, deception or abuse.

Catherine Stephens, activist with the International Union of Sex Workers says, “The law doesn’t just fail to target violence and exploitation, it actually facilitates it. Would we be safer working together? Yes. Is that legal? No.”

A community’s worth is measured by the way it treats the most vulnerable. It is time to treat people who sell sex with respect and to prioritise our rights and safety. It is time to decriminalise sex work so people who sell sex have the full protection of the law.

——-
The International Union of Sex Workers:
For our human, civil and labour rights. For our inclusion and decriminalisation.
For freedom to choose and respect for those choices, including the absolute right to say no.
For the full protection of the law. For everyone in the sex industry.
ONLY RIGHTS WILL STOP THE WRONGS.

UK Network of Sex Work Projects - Press Release

2010-12-28T18:48:00.002Z

On the day Stephen Griffiths starts a life sentence for the murder of three women who had been involved in street sex work, the UK Network of Sex Work Projects calls on the government to fund a UK wide “Ugly Mugs” scheme to enhance local schemes and improve intelligence sharing about perpetrators of crimes against sex workers across the UK.

Sex workers are often hesitant to contact police directly due to fear of arrest or public identification and other effects of stigma. “Ugly Mugs” is a system, originally developed by sex workers, which many UKNSWP member projects have adapted to enable the sharing of information about violent offenders, robbers and others who commit crimes against people in the sex industry.

Sex workers can report crimes against them to sex work projects, providing detailed descriptions of the incidents. If the sex worker gives permission, this information is also passed to local police. However, some areas do not operate “Ugly Mugs” schemes, and there is no mechanism for intelligence to be shared UK wide even though offenders may move from one area to another and some sex workers work across different parts of the country.

A new BBC documentary examines safety issues for people who sell sex in the current legal context. It looks at the barriers sex workers face in reporting crimes committed against them and points to a UK wide “Ugly Mugs” scheme as one important way in which local “Ugly Mugs” schemes could be linked so sex workers are more effectively protected and perpetrators caught sooner.

The introduction of a UK wide “Ugly Mugs” scheme has support from amongst the Association of Chief Police Officers.

The documentary, to be screened on the BBC News Channel on December 31st, looks at safety, violence and policing issues in the UK sex industry. Women from Bradford, Liverpool and Blackpool share their experiences of sex work. The programme examines the support that exists for individuals in the industry and looks at the different approaches to policing sex work around the country.

The UKNSWP welcomes the BBC investigation and calls for a re-examination of current legislation.

Georgina Perry of UKNSWP said: “The Policing and Crime Act 2009 continues to criminalise sex workers, creating a culture of fear and distrust of the authorities and preventing the reporting of violent and serious crimes against these vulnerable people. Current legislation fails sex workers, who should be able to receive the same level of support from the police as other members of society.”

“Liverpool has introduced a supportive model of policing where sex workers are protected and intelligence about crimes against them is shared. This has led to a dramatic rise in convictions for those who commit crimes against this group. We hope that this model will be rolled out UK wide. We are also calling on government to implement a UK wide “Ugly Mugs” scheme so that intelligence about violent offenders can be shared between police forces.”

2010-12-21T23:23:00.003Z

Evening all, greetings from home where I have finally finished furiously packing for my trip back to the Green Isle for Christmas.

The article that I did with the Edinburgh newspaper was published this week.

http://edinburghnews.scotsman.com/topstories/In-depth-Vice-girl-reveals.6660172.jp

As I said at the time of the interview, the journalist concerned wanted to do a day in the life whilst I wanted to talk about the impending proposed changes to Scottish legislation. We met half way I think and the important thing was I got the message across about what Trish Godman is trying to achieve.

Overall I've had overwhelming support and I'm delighted to have such good friends in the industry ( and outwith the industry for that matter ) to support me in everything I do.

I will continue to use each and every single platform I can possibly find to highlight the rights of sex workers and no amount of bitchery will disuade me, it's that simple.

For personal reasons ( relating to my private life ), today has been one of the best days of my life and I have never felt so content and happy. Tomorrow I am off to surround myself with family and friends for five days of blissful rest.

So Merry Christmas to one and all, very best wishes to all my clients and friends and I'll catch up with you when I get back.

Ll xx

A letter to the MSP's of The Scottish Parliament

2010-12-13T18:57:00.003Z

Dear Sirs,

I write to voice my objection to the proposed changes to the law in relation to the purchase of sex in Scotland, ie : the private member's bill being proposed by Trish Godman. My name is Laura and I am an independent escort. I am not pimped, coerced or working under duress in any way. I am not labouring under any addiction, nor am I the product of an abusive background. I have been a sex worker for some 16 years and it's fair to say I love my job.

The first part of Trish Godman's opening statement makes for interesting reading ;

"People who buy sex do so of their own free will, whereas the majority of prostitutes are unwilling participants in this exchange of cash for sex."

Of what "majority" does she speak, exactly ? Over the years I have met women working at every level of the sex industry and in fact, it has been my experience that the vast majority of those women are happy in their work. Sure, there are days we dislike, the same as every other job, but the only women I have ever encountered who are truly unhappy are those who are drug addicted, or trapped through fear. This proposed legislative change does not take the above into account in any way, it seeks to prohibit the purchase of sex regardless of any circumstances.

Ms. Godman goes on to say ;

"Until the purchasers of sex are criminalised, individuals, families and communities will still suffer and organised crime profit."

How does my job supply "organised crime" ? I work perfectly legally, I pay my taxes and my national insurance and in fact the only people to benefit from the proceeds of my work ( aside from myself ) are the government, in collecting revenue.

Turning to Ms. Godman's next point -

"Some women have paid traffickers to bring them to a new country with the promise of a new life, while others are taken, for example, from poor families. Once trafficked, some women are forced into prostitution and denied contact with their families becoming “invisible” in the new country and denied access to services such as health care they may need. Most are tightly controlled with no freedom. Increasing isolation, fear and language difficulties make it hard to ask for help and escape their situation."

At last, a point on which Ms. Godman and I agree.

No right thinking person in this country would support the trafficking of women as little more than cattle, the practice is abhorrent and the full force of the law should be brought down on those found guilty. For me though, the crux of the matter is this - clandestine activity can only thrive in clandestine conditions. If the sex industry were to be fully decriminalised then it would be increasingly difficult for those who seek to abuse women to operate their despicable operations.

Amongst all of the horror stories of trafficking ( and let's make no mistake about it, it does exist ) there is also a community of sex workers like myself who truly enjoy our jobs and bring happiness into the lives of many men ( and women ) who may be widowed, disabled or in simple terms, lonely.

I say that the solution to the current issue of trafficked women ( and men ) is not to persecute those who choose to enter into consensual sex for payment but rather, to concentrate on those who are working against their will.

Ms. Godman seems to draw a lot of her information from Ann Hamilton and Glasgow City Council. To my mind it is simply not possible to "reduce demand" for sexual services. Ms. Hamilton would have us believe that reducing demand for such services is the way forward in reducing harm to sex workers. I submit that the correct approach is to look at reducing harm to sex workers by taking the stigma and the social exclusion away from the sex industry, so that both sex workers and clients can feel able to come forward and voice any concerns that they may have to the authorities. If the true aim of the proposed legislative changes is to protect the vulnerable within the sex industry then that is the only way forward.

As a woman who passionately believes in the rights of sex workers and also in the rights of women as a whole, I am more than happy to meet you and discuss what I have proposed.

In the meantime, I thank you for taking the time to read my submission and look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Laura Lee.

Baggage, Boats and Bagpuss

2010-12-06T23:38:00.005Z

Good evening all and greetings from Belfast where I arrived today having survived the onslaught of fresh snow. The timing was impeccable, I just arrived in the city as the snow started so managed to evade any dangerous driving. I got the boat from Stranraer and I'm very glad I did for two reasons -

1. Flights were cancelled between Glasgow and Belfast and ;

2. I can't be bothered with flight baggage weight.

Jeez, by the time I've packed all of my toys and laptop I'm already over the limit, never mind including clothes and personal stuff. I sprinted on to the boat having been stopped by Dumfries and Galloway's finest "Polis" for speeding. ( I really didn't mean to, I was singing along to The Pogues and Kirsty McColl ). Had it just been the male cop who stopped me I would have been fine, because he conducted an entire conversation with my breasts. His female partner on the other hand spotted the leather trousers and mop of hair getting out of the car and decided she was going to throw the proverbial book at me. Wonderful.

Never mind, I got the boat eventually and settled back in a recliner seat with a hot coffee to relax, intending to let someone else worry about navigation for a while, when I was startled out of my comfort zone of contentment with a shriek -

"HIYA!"

On a boat where there were literally scores of people for her to choose from, the one and only resident person of dubious intellect had chosen me, to wow with her various conspiracy theories. Brilliant.

"Did you know that they will let the boat sail if they find fewer than 20 faults ?"

"Is that right, aye ?"

"Oh yes, I mean we could be sitting on a time bomb here."

I could feel all levels of polite tolerance beginning to ebb away at an increasing speed so I excused myself and hid in the toilets for a while. No joy, when I came back she was still there.

In the end I told her I needed to drive to Co. Cork when we got to Belfast so really needed to sleep. Through the divine intervention of someone, that worked and when I woke up from my snooze she had cornered a terrified construction worker on the deck of the boat and was busy lecturing him on the dangers of tar to the lining of the lung. Result.

Never was I so glad to see my sparsely furnished and under heated hotel room, I could have bounced on the bed for joy. I had an afternoon appointment and then headed off to meet a guy I have met a number of times now. He picked me up and we went back to his apartment to play for a bit. In preparation he had some non-alcoholic mulled wine from M & S and some salmon on granary bread too, it was delish. Then the highlight of the evening - he introduced me to his custom made cross in the bedroom.

It was big, it was black and it had restraints at every juncture.

*Cue evil grin*

Without going into detail much fun was had by both parties ( cough ).

So tomorrow is another day, with appointments to fulfill and madness to evade, although the latter never seems to go according to plan.

I forgot to say, one of my Inverness chaps did a field report for me -

http://www.adultwork.com/ViewFieldReport.asp?FRID=36989

Thank you !! I had a great time too.

I'm off to jump into my Winnie the Pooh pyjamas and curl into my Bagpuss hot water bottle.

A girl's gotta have her comforts. ;)

LL xx

Shopping, Snow and Suits

2010-12-03T22:16:00.005Z

The best thing about being a dominatrix ( inter alia ) is that the customer is always wrong.

No matter how hard he tries, that slave of mine only manages to try my patience. Last weekend as part of our "weekend of hell" we hopped on the train and headed to a town where he wouldn't be known, so we could play. In his "real" life, my subordinate has a position where people brown-nose him all day. I relish the task of taking him down a couple of pegs or two to counteract his sense of inflated ego and I do it with style. First off, I frog marched him to a beauty salon where he had his chest waxed. We told the beautician that he had lost a bet, hence I had to sit in on the session and watch him squirm whilst it was done. It was tremendous fun and actually, I think he rather liked the end result.

From there we headed off for some enforced shopping, it's every woman's dream - to be able to browse the aisles and bark orders at a submissive male to produce a card to pay for the finds. Humiliation must be a part of the process, so whilst we were busy having a very pretty basque wrapped, I quizzed the assistant.

"You wouldn't have him down as a cross dresser, would you really ?"

"Err, no. I suppose not."

"Come to think of it, I don't think you'd assume gay, either."

The look on her face was priceless as she tried to work out if I was serious or not and more to the point if my male companion was mortally offended. He was, and it was delicious.

On to Boots, where I was browsing the lubricants ( as you do ) and I asked him loudly; "Do you need any more lube for the gay gang bang ? Just asking like."

He hung his head and several sharp intakes of breath ensued. Wonderful stuff.

For his final humiliation, to my eternal delight I spied a children's fun fair and sent him down the helter skelter with an assortment of hyper active three year olds. If you knew the man and his demeanour, perhaps you'd understand why the mere memory of that and typing it out has my shoulders shaking with laughter and earl grey tea travelling in the general direction of my nose.

I love my job, and I love my guys, from the "vanilla" guys who bury their heads in my vales and hills to my subs who bury their heads in shame. That said, tonight I resemble Ian Paisley with a toothache. To describe me as "cross" would be to describe Hitler as "having some issues". I am tired, it has been a very busy day in Inverness. I am also wholly fed up, because I fail to understand why we live in a country that can send entire military forces into other countries to flush out extremists from the hills of Afghanistan, but we can't clear some fecking rail tracks. Unbelievable. All trains from Inverness are cancelled tomorrow until further notice.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm just off to the bar of the hotel to find some man in a suit to bitch at.

LL xx

Legumes, London and Legalities

2010-11-25T20:09:00.006Z

Evening all, I'm at home after a blissful afternoon spent rolling around with a new client, it was heaven in hold-ups. This weekend I'm off with my slave for some fun of a very different kind, involving hot wax and perhaps some root vegetables, heh heh. No more than that I will say ( for now ) but I'm away Friday to Monday.
( Which reminds me, I will be in London at the end of January, 27th and 28th - if you'd like to arrange a booking, do drop me an email. )

Before I come up with new and more inventive ways of antagonising my long suffering sub, I thought I'd share a link to this article with you, which I picked up on Punternet;

http://goodmenprojec...e-professional/

It's written by a lady called Charlotte Shane and below are some of the best quotes that had me nodding so hard I thought my head was going to disengage from my shoulders.

"Coercion is wrong, kidnapping is wrong, and hiring someone underage is wrong. There are men (and women) in the world who want to inflict suffering on others, and hiring a sex worker gives them an easy way to do it.

But I’m tired of seeing men and women buy into the lie that male sexuality is inherently violent and sadistic. My experience as sex worker has taught me the opposite.

Yes, I’ve met men who didn’t respect my boundaries and who harmed me, inadvertently or purposefully. But such men were few and far between, and I refused to see them again.

Not every man who visits a strip club, watches a clip of porn, or pays for sexual companionship wants to commit an act of violence against a woman. Rapists and murders are the ones who want to rape and strangle people; some of them hire escorts, some don’t.

When Melissa Farley tells The Economist that men who hire prostitutes “are not nice guys looking for a normal date. They regularly attempt to rape and strangle women,” she’s not talking about my experience. Farley’s cloudy thinking rests on the belief that a man’s sexual interest in a woman is fundamentally disrespectful, fundamentally abusive, and fundamentally wrong.

But what’s wrong is the stigma surrounding sex work. In the professional world, there is no other service arrangement in which clients are accused of hating those whom they hire. Not janitorial work, furniture moving, notoriously dangerous meat-factory work, or any other job that requires use of the service provider’s body in grueling, unhealthy ways.

There are many important conversations to be had about the sex industry, but I don’t believe those conversations will be beneficial unless they move beyond cartoonish depictions of villainous, lustful men victimizing innocent and vulnerable women.

I’m not claiming that my experience is representative of all sex workers, or even all sex-working women, but I know my experience is not entirely anomalous. I don’t regret selling sex for a variety of reasons—one of which is that it’s allowed me to meet many good men. And in doing so, it’s forever changed me for the better."

Well said and I couldn't agree more.

I was brimming over with enthusiasm having read a sensible and thought provoking article when the email I was dreading came in. Trish Godman is once again trying to push through some legislation to make it illegal to purchase sex in Scotland. The proposed bill in all it's glory is here ;

http://www.scottish.parliament.uk/s3/bills/MembersBills/documents/20101122CriminalisationofPurchaseofSex.pdf

..... so it looks like it's to battle once again, black leather gloves and PVC boots on for my sub for the weekend, and thereafter - gloves very definitely off for the prohibitionists and abolitionists.

LL xx

Gorging and Graham Norton

2010-11-21T23:28:00.005Z

Good evening all, it's another chilled out evening at home for me, having spent the early evening with a gentleman who took the time to read my profile and when I went to meet him greeted me with a box of "Black Magic". Splendid, girl cat and I are gorging ourselves in luxurious fashion whilst boy cat is out on patrol, defending the family honour, ( or something ). I've never in my life met a cat who likes licking raspberry parfait like girl cat, but there you are.

A couple of links for you, firstly Madam Becky did an interview which I thought was fantastic -

http://punternet.com/forum/index.php?/topic/12836-madam-becky-on-5-live-news/

Good on her for speaking out, I know she does a lot of work in public speaking to dispel some of the popular myths around prostitution, she is to be applauded for her courage. Also, my friend and yours, Jeremy Kyle, did a program which apparently "confronted the sex industry". Hmmm, I'll let you make your own mind up, here's the link ;

http://www.itv.com/itvplayer/video/?Filter=191221

Finally, "Stap me vitals" !! All my prayers were answered when I picked up a copy of The Daily Telegraph and discovered that the agony aunt du jour was none other than ( wait for it ) Graham Norton. REALLY.

Here is one of the letters that was sent to him recently ;

"Dear Graham,

I'm thinking of sending my husband on a detox for a couple of weeks. He's getting fat and lazy and I've heard there's a fantastic clinic in Austria that deals with this. He's a successful freelance photographer so it's not going to be a problem for him taking the time off work and our children are at boarding school so they don't have to know anything about it. The course is expensive but I'm perfectly happy to pay for it and to drive him to and from the airport. That said, I know he'll try to resist.

Have you any ideas how I can coax him to take a step in the right direction ? I feel he's really not making the best of himself at the moment."

Well, as you know, I love a challenge and I feel compelled to write to Mr. Norton. The thing is, it has to get past the editors but at the same time I need to be suitably outraged or indignant at something or other.

Any ideas ?

LL xx

Belfast and blatant baiting

2010-11-19T19:37:00.005Z

Good evening and greetings from Belfast where I am chilling out after a hectic couple of days. Today got off to a blinding start when I met a gentleman who asked me out for lunch but before I could tuck into my chicken fillets he had a nibble or two from moi, in fact it was quite a moment, lying back and being pleasured whilst enjoying the beautiful panoramic views of Belfast from his apartment.

It's apparent that the festive season is almost upon us, even the timewasters / idiots are in a good mood. Usually they hack me off, but this was new and unusual ;

"Hello, is that the Irish girl with toys?"

"Yes it is, how can I help you ?"

"Do you have a Bob the Builder truck with matching hard hat ?"

Ordinarily I would hang up, but quite honestly all I could do was guffaw, in fact
he did too, so it would seem we have a new breed of timewaster - the good natured variety.

The internet is pretty much essential for what I do, it allows me to speak with clients and let them know what I'm up to and of course there are message boards, as with every industry, where I can chat to fellow escorts and clients too. There's no doubt the internet has enhanced the sex industry, not least because of the excellent Saafe site, which provides support and advice for new escorts.

There is however, a dark side, those who post under hidden identities to cause trouble and try to belittle others. Recently a discussion began on Mumsnet about prostitution and there is no other word to describe it, gobsmacked is how I felt when I read the replies by some of the women. The first experience I had of such a debate was way back at the EHRC debate -

http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/uploaded_files/Scotland/give_prostitution_the_red_light_report__pdf_.pdf

It was watching Catherine Stephens speaking that night that inspired me to become an activist and campaign for the rights of sex workers. On the night itself, I was unable to challenge Julie Bindel or any of the other speakers because all questions had to be pre-submitted. There was an "open" questions and answers session at the end but although we had raised our hands, funnily enough the speaker never came to us. That night truly shocked me for a lot of reasons, I witnessed women turning on women and I couldn't believe the closed mindedness of the participants. What I didn't know, was that was nothing.

Since then I've had a few roastings on CIF, a radio call in show and a few emails from God fearing Christians for good measure. I've come to understand that they're not hurling insults at me personally, rather "The Prostitute" and I represent what they fear or in extreme cases, hate. I say "hate" because if you have 20 minutes or so to spare, the link to the Mumsnet thread is below and it is a real eye opener.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1080476-How-do-you-feel-about-prostitution

Amongst other things, as sex workers we were told that we ;

" ...collude in the oppression of hugely vulnerable women by virtue ( and I use that word very loosely) of their chosen profession."

Wow.

My response ;

That is absolutely untrue and one of the most offensive statements I have EVER read. I am an activist, working towards the decriminalisation of the sex industry so that there will be regulations which can be enforced. No woman in her right mind would ever support ( morally or otherwise ) the pond scum who traffick women against their will and make their lives a misery.

What we need to do is bring prostitution out of the dark ages, it is because there is so much stigma attached that the underground activity of trafficking thrives. Women are afraid to come forward and report attacks and seek help, because they will forever be on police file as a "known prostitute". This will stop them applying for other jobs in the future.

As a woman who was "outed" I felt first hand the stinging hypocrisy of the do-gooders who thought they were morally superior to me. Since then I have worked hard to gain recognition for the women who choose to enter our profession and more importantly, I have campaigned for better legislation to protect the women who are forced into it.

Any number of posters can make any amount of assumptions about me or my fellow prostitutes but you have NO RIGHT to suggest for one minute that I or any of my fellow prostitutes condone or even collude in the oppression of fellow women. To suggest that we approve of women being treated like little more than cattle is nothing short of disgusting.

Ho hum.

If there's one thing I've learnt on t'internet, it's to respond to reasoned debate and ignore blatant fishing expeditions, those who try and bait. In the end, it's been my experience that given enough rope they usually hang themselves in spectacular fashion anyway. This must be why I have so many boy pals, you see boys don't bitch, they punch the "offender" squarely on the jaw and less than half an hour later they are to be found chuckling together at the bar. Way to go.

Anyway, rather than storm onto Mumsnet and tell them all to "suck my trousers", ( don't ask, just nod ) I plan on being a busy girlie this evening. I have not long said goodbye to one of the most handsome firemen I have ever set eyes on. ( If you believe in karma, he was my payback for the Bob the Builder call ).

He says he's off to do a night shift; this hotel room is not going to catch fire by itself. ;)

LL xx

Octopi and Other thoughts

2010-11-10T22:10:00.004Z

What is it about paid sex that turns your average suited and booted middle class client into a raging lunatic ? I've never been able to fathom that one. They will enter the room and do the mandatory perfunctory greeting ; "Hello darling, David. We spoke on the phone", followed by a divorcee's air kiss. As soon as the briefcase is set to one side, the cuff links are undone and the cash exchanged, "David" will undergo a metamorphosis resulting in Olly The Octopus.

( I don't expect the menfolk who read my blog to understand that analogy, just trust me, it is a very real phenomena. )

"Oh you're a dirty girl, aren't you ? Look at you there, all draped in your dirty lingerie, you're just begging for it, aren't you ?"

"Yes, but if you could get off my hair and probably stop digging your nails into my love handles that would be lovely".

Splendid stuff and all variants of delicious madness, which is why I love it.

Anyway, fabulous news and just erm .. news.

Fabulous news: With the George square lights and skating rink about to be put on, it's that time of the year for: "Neds on Ice!" no doubt we'll see some of the best tracksuit and buckfast drinkers Glasgow has to offer. Fantastic.

Chelsea, Chardonnay and Destiny will once again adorn the ice and dazzle us all with their triple spins and Elizabeth Duke sovereign rings. I'm nominating Glasgow for City of Culture 2011 if someone else hasn't got there before me.

News : Continuing in the vein of honesty - I had a "moment" the other day and decided to telephone the governing body of the subject I'm studying. Because I'm now in year two, it would be a bit of a waste of everyone's time if I get to the end of my studies and some egg head decrees "Actually because of your dark and murky past you may not proceed".

Imagine then if you will, the face of the lady in "enquiries" when I called.

"Hello, my name is Laura. I'm a student in year two. I am also an escort. Will that be a problem on qualification do you think ?"

( I just know she couldn't wait to tell Linda in accounts. )

"Err, no, provided you meet with our professional standards."

"Splendid".

Unfortunately, she also went on to explain that after I qualify I will need to do a three year doctorate. Oh joy. So the upshot of it all is, if I want to see this thing through to the end I will be in my early forties when I qualify. Brilliant.

I'm not sure why that has freaked me out so much, after all I could still have a 20 year career thereafter, but I had a timeframe in mind and that wasn't it. So it's heads down in prossying and in books for a longer time than I imagined, but hey ho, that's life, right ?

Finally and before I google "life coach online", I spent last weekend in York and it was fantastic. I was with Mr F on Friday night and some other chums over the weekend too. I dragged some willing "volunteers" on a ghost walk but I'm afraid the only ghosts we saw were the apparitions calling themselves "teenagers" on their way to the pub.

Game season is in full swing ( something I learnt to my detriment the other day on my way to my pal Caitlin's house - suicidal grouse a go-go ) so when we got to the restaurant in York our choices were game, pigeon, or game. Having had the opportunity to meet the fantabulous Sabrina of York, we had a chuckle when the harrassed waitress emerged from the kitchen shouting " GAME - WHO ORDERED GAME ?"

Perhaps if she'd shouted "WHO'S ON THE GAME?" it would have had a ring of veracity about it and more of a response.

LL xx

Note to anti-prostitutionists: Sex worker movements are nothing to sneer at

2010-11-08T12:06:00.002Z

I am reproducing this post on behalf of Laura Agustin, because she would like as much publicity as possible.

Ordinarily I avoid ideological debates, but this time I had to chime in, because the author of a nutty Swedish book actually lied about me in it. I don’t mean she distorted my ideas - that is conventional amongst feminists who feel they are engaged in a battle to the death about prostitution. No, this was a lie about me and my life: she described me as an employee of the Network for Sex Work Projects, and the company publishing her book didn’t get anyone to check her facts - even about living people, which is reprehensible. Since I am independent with a highly precarious income, and because my opinions are only my own, I could not allow the lie to go uncontested.

The book’s an attack on two activities: commercial sex and surrogate motherhood. The drivel about me is a very small part of the book, which also provides an egregiously selective and ideologically driven version of the history of sex worker rights movements. I decided to use the publishing opportunity to provide a more honest, if still very brief, version, complete with links to the evidence - probably the first such thing published in Sweden. The original book title can’t be translated exactly but means something like Being and Being a Product - the idea of commodification.

Here now is the English version of the piece, with its original title, changed (of course!) by the Newsmill editor to Kajsa Ekis Ekmans okunnighet om sexarbetare är skrämmande (KEE’s ignorance about sex workers is frightening). I would appreciate everyone disseminating this, please: Nowadays it is possible to virally combat disinformation.

Radical feminist pleasure in sex worker misfortunes: not a pretty picture
Laura Agustín, 24 October 2010, Newsmill.se
At international events, radical feminist campaigners point and whisper about their enemies: She’s paid by the sex industry, you know. Or by the global pornographers. Or: She’s a known associate of traffickers. Disinformation as a technique is common in espionage, malicious election campaigns and rabid crusades to manipulate the emotions of an uninformed public. Disinformation means the deliberate telling of lies or the omission of key information.

If Kajsa Ekis Ekman in Varat och varan did not deliberately lie about me, then her research ability is very bad indeed. I have lived in Malmö for two years, my blog with its contact form is easily found. Ekman could have checked her facts with me personally but chose not to.

I am not, as Ekman claims, ‘an employee of the lobby organisation (anställd av lobbyorganisationen) Network of Sex Work Projects – which she could also have verified on their website. I am an independent researcher, writer and speaker, working freelance and best known for Sex at the Margins: Migration, Labour Markets and the Rescue Industry (Zed, London). Ekman avoids mentioning this title, called by The New Statesman ‘one of the most important books on migration published in recent years’. Neither this book nor the previous one, written in Spanish, are correctly described, in Ekman’s words, as ‘books about trafficking as a media myth’ (böcker om trafficking som mediemyt).

Anyone looking at the the publisher’s website can see that Sex at the Margins does not say we should ’stop talking about trafficking’ (sluta tala om trafficking), but rather that all migrant women who sell sex do not feel themselves to be total victims and that to drastically label everyone that way disempowers the migrants whilst increasing the power of people – like Ekman – who believe they Know Best how everyone else should live. I did not ‘christen trafficking victims “migrant sex workers” (döper traffickingoffer till »migrerande sexarbetare«) however. Ekman failed to notice in her own research that Tampep, funded by the European Commission, began in 1993 (long before I appeared on the scene) as European Network for HIV/STI Prevention and Health Promotion among Migrant Sex Workers.

Citing quotations out of context is a standard tactic of unscrupulous crusaders. Given that I have published 50-odd articles and essays, apart from a blog, Ekman clearly went out of her way to find a paragraph that, removed from its context, would make me sound like a monster. When asked to write for a book called Women and the Politics of Place, where other authors were writing about women’s attachment to local geographies, I made an argument about cosmopolitanism as a ‘place’ migrants inhabit (thus the title ).
Lies about me are ultimately unimportant (though I do treasure my independence): my reputation will not be ruined by an ideologue’s rantings. Leopard Förlag say they publish history, social debate and popular science (historia, samhällsdebatt och populärvetenskap). Ekman’s must belong to the debate category, since she is no historian. But for any category, Leopard had the editorial duty to check claims about living persons and prevent authors from engaging in disinformation - or doing such poor-quality research. Did Leopard not send Ekman’s manuscript out for review?

Distortions and omissions about a social movement are more important to uncover. Ekman pretends to give a history of a complex movement she despises, rights for sex workers. But ethical, competent historians, whether academics, journalists or popular writers, simply do not manipulate their material through selections and omissions in order to make a political point. When I am sent papers to review or edit that bristle with this kind of selective presentation of facts and polemical tone, I return them for rethinking, restructuring and rewriting. In a case like Ekman’s, I do not list all the errors, omissions and out-of-context citations – it would take too long. Instead, I provide some examples and expect the author to understand the lesson and do the research properly.

For many serious activists, theorists, researchers, social workers, epidemiologists, psychologists, policymakers and feminists the world over, the struggle of marginalised people who call themselves sex workers to have a voice in debates that concern them is nothing to laugh at. The movement focusses on health rights, sexual rights, labour rights, individual rights or human rights, according to the time and place.
Eurocentrically, Ekman focusses on a few countries near Sweden, but this rights movement has roots all over the world: Empower was founded in Bangkok in 1985, in 1986 in Uruguay, the New Zealand Collective of Prostitutes in 1987, Rede Brasileira de Prostitutas in 1987, among numerous examples. Many of these groups were set up before the Internet made it easy to ‘network’, advertise or disseminate information on problems and principles. DMSC, founded in Kolkata in 1995, now has 65 000 sexworker members from the most disadvantaged social classes. AMMAR has been part of national labour union CTA in Argentina since 1996.

The movement does not have a single centre or directing board. According to local cultures and needs, arguments for rights as sex workers are couched differently. Sometimes the argument revolves around sexual rights, as with the South American project Ciudadanía Sexual. Sometimes, human rights are the basis of demands, as with Cambodian activists’ protests against police that force people into compulsory rehabilitation programmes. None of the organisations claims to represent sex workers as a general category; all know this would be impossible in the criminalised, stigmatised contexts where most people sell sex. What they do is bring together people with similar values, interests and demands, sometimes physically but often online. Note that some of these activists call themselves prostitutes, suggesting that Ekman has not understood that this movement’s core is not about changing words.

By reducing this movement to the only aspect that matters to her – ideology - Ekman distorts – or failed to understand – the history of debates on Violence Against Women at the UN level. She seems not to know that an official statement was made on trafficking and prostitution in the Vienna Declaration on Violence Against Women in 1993, in order to distinguish between genuine victims and people not totally coerced. She appears ignorant of the lively and conflictive prostitution debates at the Beijing Conference on Women in 1995, whose final Platform for Action called for fighting forced prostitution and trafficking, not prostitution itself. Omitting these key events in contemporary feminist history, Ekman makes Special Rapporteur on Violence Against Women Radhika Coomaraswamy’s use of both terms, sex worker and forced prostitution, sound like part of an arbitrary and sinister conspiracy.

In Sweden Ekman can get away with sneering at harm reduction, but she cannot begin to comprehend its importance in the rest of the world. Does she really believe harm-reduction theory and practice should not be used to decrease the incidence of HIV amongst marginalised populations in Asia? Grassroots networks of both drug users and sex workers have increasingly been influential in fora such as the International Harm Reduction Association, using principles of sexual self-determination and bodily autonomy. Scarlet Alliance, founded in 1989, is a network of sex worker organisations participating in Australia’s Federation of AIDS Organisations and using health promotion approaches, including peer education, community development and advocacy. Sex workers in Ghana receive HIV-prevention support on the basis that they are a Most-at-Risk Population, like men who have sex with men and transgender people.

The Ghanaian sex workers call themselves a union, by the way. Ekman tries to debunk the very idea of labour unions for sex workers through selective research in Europe, particularly through a parochial hatred of the Netherlands (long associated with several kinds of harm reduction). Although she claims to have spent two years on this research, most of the information she presents is available on organisation webpages. Her insinuation that the whole movement has been engineered by a few Dutch activists is sign of a true neocolonialist mindset: implying that people outside Europe are incapable of organising themselves or choosing the principles they believe in.

Ekman cherry-picked the European history, too – unless she simply failed to discover it. Sneering that the ICRSE ‘don’t really act anywhere’ (agerar inte fackligt någonstans), Ekman reveals an inability to comprehend that advocacy and social movements without significant funding function online in most of the world, through email discussion lists, skype conference calls and social networking software. Ekman sees only part of the ICRSE website, because she is not a member. Although she ridicules an early conference held in Brussels in 1986, how did she manage to omit a direct ancestor of that event held in Brussels in 2005? The ICRSE was founded at this conference attended by 120 sex workers and 80 ngo allies from around Europe.

There is no need for me to exaggerate what has been achieved in a movement beset by opponents at every turn. There is also no excuse for Ekman to sneer, in an unfeminist, unsolidary way, at the efforts of activists who do not happen to share her manichean world view. Why does Ekman want to smear this movement? Why does she hate people who advocate for their right to self-determination? Why does she lash out at people attempting to reduce the spread of HIV? Why should she appear to gloat when a sex-worker union (Comisiones Obreras in Barcelona) fails to attract members?

By focussing on Europe, Ekman tries to make all sex worker unions sound ridiculous, but she fails to understand that traditional trades unions are but one method for organising and advocating for rights. It may well be that classic trade unions are not the associative model destined to characterise the sex worker rights movement. Unionisation in all industries has weakened and diminished in most countries. In the case of the sex industry, the effort is severely impaired by numerous factors Ekman doesn’t understand. When businesses operate in informal economies, workers are hard put to negotiate with them. When people who sell sex are migrants without work permits and legal status to live somewhere, unions seem irrelevant. While the stigma attached to being a prostitute is so strong, most don’t want to label themselves, register with the state or otherwise assume a professional identity.

Ekman’s errors about London’s IUSW (part of the national GMB trades union) could have been avoided through a little real research rather than reliance on an old quarrel in the British blogosphere. She could even have consulted me, as I was once an active member. The man she accuses of running the show never did; the figure she provides on membership is seven years out of date. Since the GMB allows managers to join all its branches, the fact that an escort-agency manager joined is less significant and sinister than Ekman would like readers to think. She seeks to discredit STRASS in France by citing data from an abolitionist group without giving the date of its document, which anyway cannot be found at the webaddress she provides (note 167).

Ekman’s pleasure in other’s misfortunes - schadenfreude- is deeply unattractive. In a recent decision in Ontario that struck down several discriminatory aspects of prostitution law, the judge observed about ‘expert witness’ Melissa Farley:

Dr. Farley’s choice of language is at times inflammatory and detracts from her conclusions. . . Dr. Farley stated during cross-examination that some of her opinions on prostitution were formed prior to her research. . . For these reasons, I assign less weight to Dr. Farley’s evidence.

The judge would undoubtedly dismiss Ekman’s evidence, too, as should all critical readers.

A time for honesty .....

2010-10-28T20:35:00.003+01:00

Good evening and greetings from Inverness where Spandex Susan and I have arrived
having sailed up the A9 belting out some hits from my new "Celine Dion's Greatest Hits" album. Amongst her many talents, Susan is a karaoke queen so we enjoy a joint warble as the mood takes us, caring not a jot for the bemused looks from fellow motorists.

Halloween is almost upon us and the annual search for my little darling's costume gets more difficult with every passing year. It was so easy when she was two and I could stuff her into a pumpkin costume. Everyone thought she was adorable, gave her some sweets that I wouldn't allow her in a blind fit and it was "fait accompli" until the following year. But not this year, oh no.

" I want to be Cheryl Cole."

"Um, she's not very scary though, is she ?"

"Derrr, dead Cheryl Cole obviously."

Right. Why couldn't she be a feckin' witch like every other little girl ? I could have wept. So we set off on yet another shopping trip ( reason number 3,417 why I'm glad I'm an escort ) and at some point along the way we managed to gain another little princess who had been furnished with cash from her grateful ( if not cleverer than I ) parents whose daughter wanted to be a dead cheerleader. Great.

I was browsing the make-up whilst the girls tore the shop apart looking for their elusive costumes when I heard it. It's a sentence I always knew would come up, and I always thought I'd be prepared.

Princess of Other Parents : "I love dressing up, don't you ?"

My little cub : "Oooh, me too. You should see the clothes my Mum has, my Mum is Laura Lee."

After I picked myself up from the shop floor I realised I needed to break up that conversation, and quickly.

"RIGHT, WHO FANCIES MCDONALD'S ?"

Squeals of delight followed and after I had dropped the other little lady off, I sat down with mini-me.

"We need to talk".

There has always been a moral dilemma for me in what I do, in that I love my job but I am acutely aware of the prejudice and stigma that exists and the way children can behave towards each other. For that reason, prior to that moment, I had never told my mini teenager what I do.

On the other hand, I am an activist for sex worker's rights. I advocate the decriminalisation of my job so that in time, society will become more accepting of us as individuals and also as a group. So hiding it from my daughter makes me a hypocrite and hypocrisy doesn't sit well with me, AT ALL.

I'm not going to go into the ins and outs of it but suffice to say my daughter now knows -

- that I would never lie to her unless I absolutely had to and it was for her own protection, although she knew that already.

- that I am an escort and I provide companionship for men, ( bear in mind she is still of the opinion that sex is appalling, long may that last. )

- that some people find what I do morally reprehensible and in fact despise me for it.

- that I would never do something which I consider to be morally wrong, ergo my choice of profession.

- that my profession is the reason we had to leave our last home town, so it's not that I'm ashamed of what I do, but it's probably best if we don't blast it around at the next parent-teacher meeting.

In time, and as she gets older, she'll come to understand fully what the term "escort" means. I'll deal with that as it comes. For now, I'm so proud of her I could burst.

“Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself.”

LL xx

A letter to Margo MacDonald

2010-10-22T22:44:00.003+01:00

Dear Ms. MacDonald,

Firstly let me apologise for not being able to meet you in person. It would have been a privilege but unfortunately on the date of the meeting I will be away with a long-standing client in The Highlands.

I would like to take this opportunity to point out the downsides to being a sex worker in Scotland. The law as it stands is nonsensical in my view. One lady working from an apartment is permitted whilst if two ladies work from that apartment ( for mutual security and support ) it is considered a brothel.

Historically, sex workers have been easy targets for psychopaths because we have been isolated from the main body of society through -

A ) our enforced working practices, working in a clandestine fashion; and

B ) the stigma we encounter through our career choice and ;

C) the fact that we are seen as easy targets, unlikely to report any attacks to the police.

I find it incredible that the law as it stands places sex workers in such appalling danger. I frequently work from various apartments and hotels and am so discreet that I have never had an issue, I do not cause "anti-social" behaviours or draw attention to myself in any way.

I fail to understand why the law as it stands persecutes adults who indulge in paid for consensual sex.

I also fail to understand why there are such glaring differences in the different regions of Scotland, at the moment it would seem that the law is being applied very differently depending on where you are. In Edinburgh, there has always been a level of tolerance which is to be applauded, the parlours that operate there have done so for many years and as I understand it, pay an annual licence fee to Edinburgh City Council. Far from interfering in the day to day running of parlours, I am told that the police will visit the parlours on a regular basis and check that the girls are there of their own volition and quite happy in their work. That is the way it should be.

Conversely in Glasgow, at the moment parlours are being shut down en masse and the police have been raiding various "working flats". Why is there such a stark contrast ?

There is no doubt that is there is an issue with trafficking in Scotland as there is throughout the UK but those who oppose prostitution have a history of grossly inflating already unreliable statistics to suit their own agenda. The solution is not to further criminalise the sex trade but rather to decriminalise and regulate it, so that those who seek to circumvent the law can be more easily apprehended, after all they have to advertise somewhere. As it stands I can purchase a newspaper with the numbers for any and all of the local working flats therein, if there is another attempt to prohibit advertising such as the previous suggestion tabled by Trish Godman then the whole industry will be driven further underground. At that point, I believe, the real "nasties" will appear, offering "protection" for ladies.

The sex industry is never simply going to go away, no matter how Ann Hamilton would have us believe that "reducing demand" is the solution. It is simply not possible to reduce demand for sexual services, what we should be looking at doing instead is reducing harm to the many sex workers in the UK, caused in the main by shoddy legislation.

Finally, why is it acceptable to have a record of a woman as a "known prostitute" when it comes to applying for jobs and completing a "disclosure Scotland" check ? I don't see any other legal occupation being recorded in such a manner.

Please feel free to contact me should you wish to discuss any of the points I have raised, I would be delighted to speak to you.

Yours sincerely,

Laura Lee

The Whore with more

2010-10-15T22:55:00.004+01:00

Yep, that's me.

One of the first things I say to a new lady becoming an escort is -

"The most important attributes are a good sense of humour, the patience of a saint and an open mind."

Since I've come back to the helm I've met some lovely guys but my fondest memories will always be the more "quirky" bookings.

One of my all time faves was a former champion wrestler, ( when I say champion, it was at regional level and many years ago ). He began the appointment by flinging me on the bed and pinning my legs behind my head. This was so he could pleasure me with his tongue, apparently. The fact that I had no sensation from the waist down at that juncture was by the by.

Eventually, my legs were released and he began to gently tease me into a state of erotic arousal by plummeting his tongue in the general direction of my middle ear. Divine.

The final act of immeasurable passion was the kiss, ( wrestlers do everything in reverse, you know ). If I had to describe it, I would say it was akin to the dying breaths of a deeply distressed goldfish, flapping about on a pavement, combined with the odd sharp nip with his incisors to my top lip. I tried, I REALLY tried to kiss him back but there was no rhythm or sense to it all and by the time I had caught up with him he was busy slowly suffocating me by placing his mouth over my entire nose.

It's at times like that that the phrase - " I never did mind about the little things" comes in very useful. A relaxing post coital cuddle later, he left with a smile firmly plastered across his face whilst I headed for the bathroom in search of some "deep heat".

LL xx

Addendum : He was one of the loveliest men I have ever met, and the woman who settles down with him with be very lucky, she just needs to hold him by the ears and teach him how to kiss.

On the road again and Orangutans

2010-10-13T14:14:00.002+01:00

Good afternoon, having been purple, then blue, green and finally a very fetching shade of autumnal yellow, I'm back. I cannot begin to tell you how good it feels to be going back on tour tomorrow, I thought I was going to go stir crazy at home. ( Amanda suggested a live feed but I told her quite bluntly what she could do with that idea. ) It was quite something when the dressings came off, suffice to say that I don't know what I'd do without the wonderful support of my family and friends.

I used the time wisely and caught up with some studying, lots of sleep and finally finished off the piece I was doing with a journalist in Edinburgh. She wanted to do a "day in the life" of an escort and I wanted to talk about the nonsensical legislation, so we met half-way, although I haven't seen the finished article yet.

I mentioned before I went off that there was an article in the Daily Mail which raised my hackles, ( quelle surprise ). There's a link to the article here ;

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1315501/Prostitution-How-did-oldest-profession-career-choice-middle-class-girls.html

I did compose a response but it never appeared, humph. Happily, a gentleman who reads my blog sent me an email in response and I have his permission to share some of the content with you ;

Like you I was disappointed at Melanie Phillips column in the Daily Mail(which I do normally read- tune out the worst of the rabble-rousing and it’s a good read). Like so many commentators who pontificate on the subject she apparently sees nothing wrong in being very selective in what aspects she selects to support her arguments while disregarding vast swathes of information that doesn’t suit her purposes.

For a start I’m baffled how on earth she can claim that Chloe from the X-Factor is glamorising prostitution- class and glamour are not the first words that come to mind when I see a photo of her! As for banning her from the programme, something that no-one(either for or against) that I saw mentioned in that debate was how Simon Cowell could have prohibited her from working while appearing on the X-Factor given that prostitution isn’t illegal. Would have been an interesting case if she’d taken him to court for attempting to restrict her earnings. Although I think it unlikely that she was declaring her income to HMRC...though they’ll be taking an interest now!

Like so many writers on the subject Phillips has picked out examples of escorts from the media that her readers will be familiar with, while using the figures about street workers drug habits, pimps and being victims of violence to reinforce the poor image of sex industry workers.

She claims that one of the problems with prostitution is that “it treats the female body with at best indifference and at worst contempt.” I accept that my experiences and my mentality about it won’t be the same as all punters, but I certainly wasn’t indifferent or contemptuous about the ladies I met(I defy any man to be indifferent when alone in the boudoir with Dollymopp...), and I hope they felt the same. I like to think that attentive and pleased would be better descriptors.

It’s been mentioned before how these ardent feminists rabidly shoot down any comments or arguments that don’t agree with their viewpoint- “you’re involved so you don’t know what’s best for you”, “as a man who buys women you’re biased” or “you’re a man so you can’t comment on this” for example(the latter 2 I’ve had thrown at me when I’ve commented on various stories. And no, I don’t buy women, they’re kind enough to allow me to spend some time with them), Surely feminism started because women wanted to make their own mind up about what they want to do and how they do it? Rather than as we have now, being told by other women(as opposed to men) what they can do.

Phillips also writes that it’s terrible how morals are changing so that things that were previously frowned upon such as prostitution, having kids out-with marriage or homosexuality are now being accepted. I find this interesting in a paper that also rails(rightly in my opinion) against current day politicians issuing grovelling apologies for slavery, Empire etc on the basis that standards, morals, call them what you will, have changed over the last two hundred years and so can’t be judged as immoral by us now from our different standpoint. Things change, and by not accepting that we hold ourselves back.

One of the final lines from Phillips, which I feel sums up both her article and modern aggressive feminism was “these early feminist warriors all agreed prostitution was a form of slavery.” Then as now, nobody seems to have asked the ladies themselves what they thought...

Very well said Sir, and thank you for your kind best wishes too. :)

While I'm at it, thank you to everyone who has sent me get well wishes, I really was and am very touched. I now have enough Thornton's chocolate to open a small wholesalers, but am down to the coffee ones that no-one likes, although girl cat licked a couple of them, ( we were recovering on the sofa together). I really must review hygiene standards in this abode of mine.

Tomorrow I'm off to Carlisle with Spandex Susan ( her new title ). After that it's Belfast and then up to Inverness with Amanda too, I cannot wait to be with the girls again, I've missed them so much it's unreal, although of course I will deny that vehemently. ;) A card arrived this morning from Bristol BBWClaire with a very rude key-ring therein, it had me howling with laughter, nutty woman. Thank you.

Ok I'm off to pack my frillies and commence the longest beauty session in history, so that I begin to resemble a woman again as opposed to an orangutan.

LL xx

Pussycats and Painters

2010-10-03T11:25:00.006+01:00

Afternoon all, whilst I was in Newcastle, Susan and I wandered around some shops and I bought a new book to read whilst I'm resting up over the next couple of weeks -

"Women who kill", by Vanessa Howard.

- quite fitting really for my mood at the end of a tortuous week.

Girl cat went to the vets this week to be neutered and came back very much the worse for wear, in fact it's fair to say I have never felt so sorry for a little creature in my life. She was stumbling around being sick repeatedly and to make matters worse, boy cat took great exception to her, presumably because she smelled of the vets. Oh joy. Much of the next couple of days were spent on kitty patrol trying to stop him hissing and growling at her, although as Godawful as she felt, she hissed right back at him, she's a gutsy wee lady - one of the reasons I love her to pieces.

It was with a heavy heart that I hit the road with the girlies for the last tour before my time off.

We arrived in Newcastle and were rather excited because we had booked a new hotel which looked great on the net ( our usual was fully booked ). We walked into reception and my first thought was "Oh s*%t". It was Deadsville, Tennessee, population = two very nosey receptionists who were growling at us over their screens. ( We had obviously interrupted their quality time on Facebook. )

Not to be deterred, we booked in and headed off to our rooms, the whole place was undergoing renovation and as I stepped out onto my floor I was met by two grinning Geordies, resplendant in white overalls and a dazzling array of tattoos.

"Oiya".

Good grief.

They were right outside where my gentlemen callers would have to come out of the lift to get to my room. I could have wept. Not only that, but it was the first hotel I have ever stayed in where the chamber maids are still cleaning rooms at 4pm !?! They were cheerful souls though, cracking "funny" jokes amongst themselves and singing along to their portable radio with gusto. I happened to be passing on my way to breakfast whilst one of them was singing along to "Careless Whisper". He was making a pretty good job of it too, falsetto if you don't mind. I tutted loudly - "How gay".

You can just imagine the response I got to that, to insinuate a Newcastle man is anything approaching "soft" is to take your life in your hands. The lift doors closed in the nick of time methinks.

There's so much more I wanted to talk about like Ontario throwing out their laws on prostitution ( splendid ) and the recent article in the Daily Mail by Melanie Phillips ( anything but splendid ), but as I'm going to have quite a lot of time on my hands over the next couple of weeks, there's plenty of time for that.

For now I need to rationalise my fears about tomorrow in my mind ; it's quite routine, but it's my woman bits, I think that's what's scaring me the most. I need to get it into context and remember the women who didn't get the same news as I did and are facing an uphill battle.

I found this quote this morning and rather liked it ;

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything…
But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the better of her…
But a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future…
A woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be unexpected blessings, and capitalises on them.

A strong woman wears a look of confidence on her face…
But a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey…
But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

LL xx

P.S : You may have noticed I have done my availability diary and tour dates right up until the first week in December. Some may call that being anally retentive, I call it being organised.

Money and Power: Commercial Sexual Exploitation in Scotland

2010-10-03T11:17:00.004+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCYIJCGO2Gw

Interesting viewing.

"9 out of 10 sex workers want to exit the industry".

Well of course they do, when they are working on the freezing cold streets night after night, with no support from the police forces, let alone local government agencies. Instead of asking desperate, drug addicted women who work on the streets what they thought of their overall circumstances, perhaps they should have taken the
time to ask a reasonable representation of the sex industry as a whole, to include independant escorts and those women who choose to work from home / a flat.

One of the women interviewed said that she had been attacked and raped in the past, and that some of the other women known to her had endured far worse. Instead of blaming the "sex industry" for the horrendous crimes perpetrated against these women, why not take a look at the shoddy legislation instead ? Had these women been allowed to work from a flat in pairs so as to increase the safety aspect, would those attacks have happened ?

The core problem with the sex workers interviewed is that the sex industry is for them, a means to an end. There is no acknowledgement of the fact that for many other sex workers it is an informed decision taken on their part after much research.

Andrea Beavon, domestic abuse co-ordinator for Scottish Borders Council said -

“People feel that it is a choice women have, but the reality is that it is a tool used by the sex industry to make you think it is okay."

Actually, for me it is ok, and it has been for years. What is not ok, is to continue to persecute consenting adults who indulge in paid sex. The resources utilised in doing so would be far better placed seeking and maintaining help for those women who are drug addicted and who place themselves in danger night after night because the law prohibits them from working together in safety and because they have a crippling addiction to feed.

"Alastair Robertson, training co-ordinator for Forth Valley Violence Against Women partnerships, who also features in the seven-minute film, said men have to take more responsibility for their actions.

He said: “Men are the ones with the choice here - they choose to view porn on the internet, or buy a prostitute.."

Actually, the men do not "buy a prostitute", they rent our skills. The next time I have one of my subs hog-tied with clothes pegs on his nipples, I'll remind him of how downtrodden and abused I feel, shall I ?

Linda Thompson, from the Women’s Support Project said -

“These results show the normalisation that is taking place in this country - sexual exploitation is just widely accepted, and it should not be."

Sexual exploitation is NOT acceptable and never has been. Sex workers who campaign for decriminalisation do so because those who feel victimised or pressured into the industry will be enabled to come forward and speak to the authorities. What benefit is there to a woman who has been attacked to go to the Police at the present time ? They may investigate and even catch the perpetrator, but the reality is that the complainant will be on police records as a "known prostitute", so if and when she did wish to apply for a job, a "Disclosure Scotland" check will go against her.

So as it stands, the current legislation -

1) Makes it impossible for a sex worker to work in safety, and

2) Ensures that if said worker looks for an exit, many attempts to do so will be blocked.

For those claiming to be concerned with the welfare of sex workers, there is something very wrong with that structure.

LL xx

IUSW Press Release

2010-09-27T17:06:00.002+01:00

The International Union of Sex Workers
Monday 27th September 2010

“It’s time to accept prostitution” – say the British public.

A survey carried out as part of yesterday’s BBC1 Sunday Morning Live discussion, featuring Catherine Stephens of the IUSW, Bel Mooney of the Daily Mail and Mehdi Husan of the New Statesman showed overwhelming public support for accepting prostitution:
71% yes, 29% no.

This echoes a government funded Ipsos MORI poll in June 2008: almost six in ten (59%) agreed that "prostitution is a perfectly reasonable choice that women should be free to make". [1]

In the Sunday Morning Live debate, Stephens repeatedly argued that policy that solves problems is based on evidence and in reality, not on ideology, dramatic individual cases and stereotypes.

Stigmatisation of sex workers plays a large part in violence and trafficking.

Clients are not the problem: evidence shows that the majority of robbery, abuse and physical or sexual violence experienced by sex workers comes from those who do not pay for sex. [2] Many assailants express hatred of sex workers and appear to feel their actions are legitimated by the social attitudes of abhorrence for commercial sex.

More than a third of victims of trafficking for sexual exploitation report that fear of being exposed as a sex worker played a part in the coercion they experienced. [3]

In a study of nearly 500 sex workers, researching issues of power, exploitation and control, 1 in 4 women said that they had, at some point, felt physically threatened. More - 30% - had experienced "other threats “…in almost all cases, [this] was the threat of being publicly exposed as a sex worker.” [4]

Catherine Stephens, a sex worker for 10 years and an activist with the International Union of Sex Workers says, “It’s time to start treating women with respect and equality, regardless of their sexual behaviour. It’s time to give people in the sex industry the same human rights as other citizens, so we can work together for safety, and call the police without fear of arrest. It’s time to decriminalise prostitution.”

References:
[1] http://www.ipsos-mori.com/researchpublications/researcharchive/poll.aspx?oItemId=2308
[2] Violence and Sex Work in Britain, Hilary Kinnell, Willan Publishing, 2008
[3]Globalisation of Crime: A transnational organised crime threat assessment, UNODC, 2010
[4] Beyond gender: an examination of exploitation in sex work, Suzanne Jenkins, Keele University, 2009
See Sunday Morning Live Sunday 26th September 2010
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00v1pns/Sunday_Morning_Live_Episode_11/

Porter and Prostitution

2010-09-17T00:06:00.005+01:00

Greetings from Inverness where I have landed having deftly avoided the Pope and his entourage, I hope he'll find it in his heart to forgive me when I throttle the drunk piper directly under my window.

I'm trying to catch up on - well everything really, because I have been very busy, the scaletrix of escorts this past while. I've been up and down the M8 "like a bride's nightie",( one of my Nan's fave expressions ). I'm not complaining mind, especially on foot of my outcall the other night to a tall handsome doctor, oh yes. True job satisfaction, the beauty of doctors is they know what a clitoris is and further, they're aware that sinking their teeth is not going to induce a state of arousal, more aggression than anything else.

Speaking of aggression, what is WRONG with some people ? I'm aware that when I'm working hard and am tired I can get narky, who doesn't ? I've never seen the need for outright rudeness, however.

"Big Issue ?"

"No thanks mate."

"Well fuck you then."

Je-sus. How to make friends and influence people, NOT. In stark contrast to that pillar of society outside my local supermarket, this week I began doing an interview with an Edinburgh based newspaper, which is a work in progress and will probably be out in a couple of weeks. That's all I'm allowed say for now because believe it or not, apparently journalists steal ideas and stories from one and other. Gawd, you live and learn.

Speaking of journalists, I watched "Gail Porter investigates prostitution" with huge interest. All credit to the presenter, she went into the project with a very open mind and was prepared to consider any and all angles, at least that's the way it came across. Once again the focus moved to trafficking, where the police raided a flat to find one lady of 51 who was working quite legally. What interested me more was the attitude of the police after the lady had been removed from the property.

The officer concerned was very quick to point out that in his opinion, no woman would ever choose to be a prostitute. Au contraire, I can assure you I made an informed decision to become a prostitute and have never regretted it.

I was interested in what Ms. Porter went on to say too -

"Most of the women seemed very strong, or at least they tried to be strong."

I think for the most part you do need to be a strong woman, unfortunately in the not too distant past I have witnessed a couple of ladies go into mental breakdown / burnout and it's frightening to watch the speed of their demise. It's precisely for this reason that I feel decriminalisation would be beneficial. Sex workers should feel able to come forward and ask for support services in the same manner as any job which is personally demanding. Unfortunately, I think stigma and fear of publicity holds some back, which is very wrong.

In the end, Ms. Porter said -

"I'm no expert, but I do believe we should be making changes to the law to make it safer for women.

In the UK, it is illegal for two women to work together in a brothel*. To me, this is completely ridiculous, as it forces women to go out on their own, which is more dangerous. As if the job isn't perilous enough.

They should be able to work together and have the same working rights as everyone else. I also believe criminalising women is wrong - it doesn't help anyone.

In New Zealand, the whole system is decriminalised. There, women can work together in brothels and they are protected.

Prostitution has been around for a long time, and no doubt it will continue, so we need to protect these women and do everything we can to make a terrible situation a bit more safe."

Well said.

I'm off to Carlisle next week and will catch up with you there.

LL xx

* Not strictly speaking true, it is not illegal for two women to work together in a brothel, a prostitute cannot be charged with any offence related to prostitution just because she is working in a brothel. What is illegal is owning/running/managing etc. the brothel wherein the prostitutes work. ( Thank you to Punternet for that. )

Touring and Thespians

2010-09-16T21:11:00.006+01:00

To err is human. To consistently feck it up is an art form.

It is the above thought that consoled me as myself, Faye and Susan trudged around Belfast with our suitcases, effectively homeless, thanks to moi. ( To be fair, it wasn't ALL my fault. Well, not really. )

There are two apartment buildings in Belfast with the same name, see ? So we all booked the same place, labouring under the illusion that we would be in a high rise anonymous block, where you could potentially have a large scale gang bang and no-one would notice. Err, no. We got out of the taxi and noted with dismay what can only be described as a boarding house. ( Think 1970's Brighton sea-front, complete with lace doilies and rubber yucca plants.) The gentleman who ran the house had an office approximately 10 yards from the door to what was to be my room and he had the door ajar too, noisily slurping soup. Whoops.

We made panicked gestures to each other in the hallway, you know, the one that mimics a beheading. My phone was going like HMRC's overpayment helpline, buzzing away whilst on silent in my handbag, so I had an idea.

"Err, Susan, that was your Mum I just missed on my phone there, I hope she's not trying to get you URGENTLY."

Hint taken.

Now I knew that Susan in her murky past had taken some acting lessons, but I was in no way prepared for the performance to come. She turned her back on all of us and "made a call". ( I was praying to anyone who would listen that it wouldn't ring in her ear. )

With that she swung around with the dramatic style of a Jane Austen understudy and burst into tears. ( I don't mean in any small way either, we're talking sobbing. )

"I'm soooo sorry".... (sniff, choke) .... "I've just had a call and" ....(wail, consoling pat on the back from Faye ) .... "I have no choice ".... ( loses all control at this point as her body is racked with sobs ) ...

... "WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO GLASGOW." ( hurls herself at the wall and howls )

Faye and I did the decent thing and clucked around her making soothing noises and rubbing her back whilst she howled and blew her nose noisily.

Needless to say, afore mentioned landlord abandoned his soup and with some soft words to soothe us, sent us on our way. He even called us a taxi. We made it as far as the kerbside to wait for the taxi before the three of us disintegrated into fits of crotch-grabbing giggles. The girl had done us proud. :)

Eventually we found another hotel and had a brilliant tour, ( thank goodness because I think the girls were ready to dangle me from the balcony by my ankles. )

I finally had the chance to meet a lady I have been chatting to online for years now, Violette, it was a pleasure. ( I did try and defend Irish men and their apparent allergy to showers and baths but some things are just indefensible. )

LL xx

Trials, Travel and Trafficking

2010-09-05T22:11:00.005+01:00

( Apologies in advance for this first part, I think I should leave erotic writings to Marc Nobbs, he does a far better job than yours truly, ahem. )

I lay back with a steely determination and exhaled deeply, this was going to require every inch of my fortitude. A tiny bead of sweat which had begun life on my forehead hurried down my face in a frenzied race towards the delicious dip between my breasts, pooling there and rising and falling with my rapid breaths. With an animalistic cry, I raised my hips in expectation, awaiting the pain and the endorphins of pleasure that would surely accompany my efforts, making my whole body quiver and shake with anticipation. I tried to ignore the screaming that was emitting from my muscles until I could bear it no longer and exclaimed ...

"YOU SAID IT WAS 30 FECKIN' KILOGRAMMES !!"

Yes, I'm back in the gym.

It's murder.

You'd think, wouldn't you, that when they insist on a 45 minute "assessment" where they take you around the various complicated items of machinery and devise your program, that they could spare a further five minutes to point out the rather large step between the cardio area and the free weights section. For as much as they seek to protect your welfare by ensuring your safety on the machinery, the latter piece of information would have prevented me going flat on my face in front of various muscle men who really should spend more time exercising and less time checking out the new chubby chick in the mirror. MORTIFIED.

( As an aside, I have never been able to comprehend how anyone could possibly meet a potential partner at the gym, the "no make up and ribena berry" look is never going to be a good basis for any form of sexual attraction.)

Anyway, Spain was fantastic and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. We rented a car and with me driving we crossed the Pyrenees into France. That was a challenge, it was a very small and windy road, up the mountains and back down again and required acute concentration whilst Mr F did the navigation. It's bad enough that they drive on the wrong side of the road, but the fast lane is on the wrong side too, and to add insult to injury they go the wrong way around roundabouts. Ye Gods !!

We made it without serious injury or summons apart from when Mr F took over driving for 5 minutes and launched us into someone else's wing mirror, I was going to take the proverbial for quite a while for that. However, when you consider that halfway up the ( very steep ) mountain, after a brief stop at a monastery, I put the car into reverse instead of into first and almost reversed us into the Medditeranean, I decided to shut it. ( The picture above is the view from the monastery, very beautiful. )

On a more serious note, since I came back, I watched the two parts of - "The Hunt for Britain's Sex Traffickers". I was very interested to see the forces that be in action, how they went about investigating alleged trafficked women and how the process of justice was applied.

It was presented as if it had been filmed by and for radical feminists, the overall impression was that the 67 "traffickers" apprehended were just the tip of the iceberg, with the final quote being - "If this is happening in Cornwall, where else is it happening ?" ( not an exact quote, and let's just gloss over the fact that in two years, not one successful prosecution was brought about as a direct result of Pentameter 2, shall we ? )

My problem with the program overall is twofold -

1. It was fantastic that "Lily" was rescued and the people who brought about her misery locked up. I can only hope that she starts to rebuild her life and her confidence and that those who caused her so much pain get their real "justice" whilst locked up.

Lily's freedom was not brought about by Pentameter 2 however, nor was it through tireless Police investigation. Lily was saved by a client, who blew the whistle when he sensed she was unhappy and there against her will. No-one felt the need to point that out whilst they were jetting half way around the world to have a conference with foreign police which could have been done over the phone.

2. Mr and Mrs. Middle England will have viewed that program with open mouthed horror and should any decision ever have to be made in the near future about the continuing legality of ANY forms of prostitution, there will be no prizes for guessing which way their vote will go.

But, it will be a mis-informed vote. Where are the programs that show the positive side of prostitution, the women that make a conscious decision to enter the sex industry and in fact, celebrate their right to make that choice ? The program will create a moral panic and outrage, to further entrench in the minds of the general public that the current approach is correct, and getting results. It isn't. It's not.

In my opinion, the solution is to legalise sex work in all of it's forms, to allow brothels to operate, where regular police inspections can be done on an ad hoc basis, and without warning. (It is accepted that there will be illegal brothels, but they have to advertise and the full force of the law should be applied to underground activity which seeks to circumvent stipulated regulations.) In legalising brothels, channels of communication can be opened up between the authorities and the only other members of society who may ever come into contact with those women who have been trafficked, the clients. It's clear from "Lily's" case that what WILL work is a situation where a client can feel comfortable in approaching the police with information which may lead to the arrest and conviction of the scum who traffick sex workers.

LL xx

Publications and Pigeons

2010-08-23T09:50:00.005+01:00

Evening all, greetings from home where I am chilling out avec moggies.

First things first, hurrah for The Highland News !! They ran the story last week and reported accurately and fairly, I think all of us who were mentioned were very impressed and pleased with the article. Less impressed, it would seem were the womenfolk of the West Coast. One of those lovely ladies placed a call my way last night which had me creased up with laughter. Thank you for informing me I'm a "dirty hoor", thank goodness for that, I thought I was a traffic warden. Further, if I'm going to hell then I'm sure I'll be in good company, after all, that's where all the interesting people go and finally, I know prostitutes who wouldn't use that type of language. Wash your mouth out.

Last Saturday we had a social evening and it was fantastic, we raised a toast to our departed friend and had a ball. ( I'm still at a loss to understand how a member of the male contingency managed to pick me up, I'm no Kate Moss. ) I drove home afterwards with a huge grin on my face, not least because when I left her, Amanda was wearing one of the gent's ties and suffocating another with her boobage in a bear hug. The originator of the tie was bellowing "FOGHORN - LEGHORN" at varying intervals, ( as you do ). Since I no longer drink, the latter parts of any evening are all but lost on me now, so when it gets to the part where a glassy and teary eyed volunteer launches into "Danny Boy" or starts mourning the green, green grass of home ( in spite of the fact they've only ever been to Wigan as a boy ), it's probably time to go.

( As a complete aside, it is a little known fact that Irish people only know the first two lines of "Danny Boy", after that they mumble. FACT. )

Speaking of faux-tragedies, Susan and I arrived in Carlisle the other day to begin our tour and as I pulled into the carpark I noticed a pigeon in the middle of the road. Most pigeons would fly away but he wasn't budging so I got out of the car. He was clearly very badly injured, operating on one leg and unable to fly. I tried to scoop him up but he wasn't having that, so in the end with some gentle "hooshing", I got him to the side of the road. We checked in and went for coffee but my conscience was getting the better of me. I asked the waitress ..

"This might sound strange, but could I have some bread ? It's for an injured pigeon 'round the back."

"Oh, the poor thing, hang on, I'll go feed him."

So I tipped her and thanked her and waited. Eventually she appeared back ...

"I've searched high and low and can't find him."

*sigh*

I wandered off to see if I could locate pigeon ICU. Oh I found him alright, except he was about an inch from the ground, a car had got him and he had gone to the great Pigeon Fancier's Club in the sky.

GUTTED.

Amanda did her "Mother comforting voice" thing at the social, you know, the one you use when you have to explain to your four year old why you had to flush the goldfish down the toilet.

"Sometimes, animals just know when it's their time, and they just erm ..... decide to end it all."

Comforted by the notion that it was in fact a suicidal pigeon, tomorrow I am off with Mr. F to Spain for a week.

Before I go to the delayed departures nirvana, I thought I would let you know that my friend Claire has finally gotten off her backside and started blogging, there's a link to her blog here ;

http://bbwclaire.wordpress.com/

Enjoy. Never again will I bring her to my local Tesco's, where they have now negated the need for an announcement system.

I'll catch up with you when I get back from Catalonia, where they have just outlawed bull fighting. What am I supposed to do for a week then ? ;)

LL xx

Friends, present and passed

2010-08-14T21:31:00.009+01:00

Morning all, I'm back from a tremendous trip to Inverness. Susan and I are both absolutely fuggered and aside from taking the light of my life swimming today I am doing nada this weekend, I deserve some slob time.

Speaking of Susan, she has done a blog last evening which I must admit made me sniffle a bit.

http://susan-glasgow-escort.blogspot.com/2010/08/friday-13th-fire-alarms-fuckwits.html

Only Susan could make me laugh and cry at the same time, I'm sorry if I come across as scary, I certainly don't mean to, and as for the hair, well, I've been tempted to have a go with my strimmer. I might ask my hunky new neighbour for a loan of his hedge wotsit. ( More on him later, if I have anything to do with it, heh heh. ) Anyway, thank you Susan and I love you too. ( Mad mare. )

Speaking of lovely ladies I have been busy collecting my old stockings for a project which Dollymopp is busy with, she is going to use them for art. Good for her, personally I couldn't draw a straight line with a ruler to save my life and I admire anyone with a creative or artistic talent.

I also wanted to say thank you to Lady Lust/Linzi fae Cumbernauld, whilst I was in Inverness I met a client who said she had recommended me, so I was chuffed.

I had a bit of sad news last night. When I came back to escorting in 2006 I joined various message boards to chat with other folks from the industry. There was a group of us who quickly became firm friends, we met for dinner and a social evening every six months and still do. One of those friends who flew in from the Far East for two of those social events has died.

I think his screen name tells you a lot about the man, he had a wicked sense of humour and he was also a gentleman with a heart of gold. I hope that where ever he is now, he's enjoying his favourite tipple of Bombay sapphire gin and tonic.

Farewell, "Sir Shagalot".

LL xx

Irritations and Inspirations

2010-08-09T23:47:00.004+01:00

7 days and 8 hours until the little darlings are back at school. Summer holidays are enough to reduce any parent to a gibbering wreck in an abnormally short space of time.

"I'm bored."
"Can I have some money ?"
"Girl cat put her face in my Frosties again."

Happily, this summer I managed to wean the light of my life away from those Godawful American shows with canned laughter and actors who will be in rehab before they're 15. We have progressed to "Brainiac Science Abuse", with John Tickle, further proof as if it were required that all Big Brother contestants should be shot on sight. This transition has resulted in a series of complex experiments being conducted in various sectors of my humble abode, to include a bathroom sink filled with a thick white viscous compound. Sometimes I think if you're really not going to like the answer, don't ask the question, so I waited until it subsided and then poured some boiling water down the drain to flush "it" through. For anyone who thinks the scientific experiments of a 9 year old will contribute little to society, I am happy to inform you that cats float, apparently, ( albeit under heavy protest ).

Something which warrants far more serious comment is a very inspirational woman I had the pleasure to meet recently. The why's and wherefore's of how we met are not relevant here, and I also want to protect her identity. She deals with children at the very end of the care system, when she takes them on they are 15/16 and have been through every institution and foster family, without success.

In some cases these children are the product of an attempt at a "family unit", so they are adopted at a relatively young age but put back into the care system the minute the couple concerned manage to conceive a child of their own. Truly horrendous, I didn't actually believe married couples in desperate desire of a child could be so cold towards a child who needs stability so badly. By the time they have reached this lady, all they have known all of their lives is rejection and they have gone beyond the point of "behaving" for anyone - they don't see the point as they are going to be rejected again. I asked her -

"How on earth do you begin to build bridges with these children and build up their self confidence ?"

She said it is a matter of consistent love, even when they have smashed up their bedroom again or stolen money from her purse for drugs. Eventually the message of consistent love gets through to them, they open up to her and she helps them through counselling, education and the beginnings of a career, be it a trade or a start at higher education. Her reward, she said, is to go to their graduation ceremonies simply bursting with pride.

She really inspired me, not just for all I have detailed above but for what she went on to say. In some circumstances she has come across children who were trafficked into the country as sex slaves, from The Congo for example, as young as 8 years old. By the time these children reach her in their teens, they are traumatised beyond belief and in fact she explained to me that it took her 18 months to get one particular girl to admit that the scarring on her body was from her "handlers", not from an industrial accident, ( as she had been told to say to the authorities ).

From speaking to this lady, it is clear that the "system" has let these children down every step of the way. It is time for the legislators and law enforcers in this country to desist from persecuting consenting adults having paid sex and to concentrate on the vulnerable, the weak and the exploited. These are the people who truly need our help.

LL xx

Tears, T-shirts and Time Off

2010-08-07T10:17:00.006+01:00

Morning all, ecstatic is the word to describe how I'm feeling today. I would cartwheel all over my living room but since I haven't actually done a cartwheel since I was 12 I'd probably break my neck. I spent the first part of yesterday at the hospital and the second in floods of tears. The great news is I have the all clear, I do need an operation to remove the mass but it's not cancerous. I texted my friends and family to let them know and the replies came in one after the other as I was sitting in a restaurant enjoying brunch. The end result was moi, sobbing, because I realised just how lucky I am to have such amazing friends.

You know those t-shirts that say "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant !", I wish I had one of those yesterday which said "I'm not sad, I'm happy !", because the looks I was getting were priceless. Sod it, I firmly believe a good blub is good for the soul and when you're stressed it's got to manifest itself somehow. Speaking of stresses, there was no sign of the Highland News running the story on escorts this week, hmmmm, maybe another call is in order. I'm sure the reporter in question will be grateful. ;) Either they've decided to bin it or they're waiting for a week when nowt much else is happening.

In the afternoon I went to visit a friend who has a farm and spent 20 minutes chasing one of her sheep who had escaped, true medicine and I was in knots laughing. ( I'm not sure the sheep was too impressed to be honest, but since she was almost hit by a Landrover I guess being chased into a field was the lesser of two evils. )

Anyway, I am scheduled to have the operation in the first week of October and will be off work for two weeks. So, I am in the process of planning my September diary and it will be fairly hectic in preparation for my sofa time. Gawd it's going to be boring, I don't "do" lie still and relax, although the next part of Uni is due to start around then so that will keep me busy I suppose. ( Plus I have 20,547 things that could do with being put on Ebay. )

Happy Saturday everyone,

LL xx

Journalists and Articles

2010-08-01T23:10:00.007+01:00

During the week I had a phonecall that every escort dreads, even those of us who choose to speak to the press.

"Hello Laura, my name is ************ and I am a journalist with the Highland News. Please don't hang up."

Now if you're wondering why he said "Don't hang up", it's because the HN have an appalling track record on "outing" ladies, a record of which I am acutely aware. As the gentleman concerned has promised not to out me in any way and as I do not have his permission to use his name then I shan't.

He went on to explain that he is writing an article about why Inverness is such an appealing place for ladies to tour. He wanted to concentrate on the new breed of independant escort who is a million miles away from the traditional depiction of a sex worker. Fair enough. He went on to say that he had been on the Punternet tour calender and had pulled details of ladies who were touring there, using their working names and pictures.

I asked him why I should help when the paper has ruined lives by publishing the pictures of ladies. He said that in those cases, those were ladies who it was felt were working against their will and with some coercion involved. "Fine, but then surely it is better to expose the scum who organise these rings than add to the ladies misery by outing them ?" His reply was that the leaders are shady characters who are diffcult to catch. Hmmm. Be that as it may, he had the information he needed for the basis of a story from the touring listings, so it was clear he was going to run the story one way or the other.

So, I gave him a couple of quotes, that I am an independent escort who is not pimped, drug addicted or coerced in any way and that I love my job. I added that I pay my taxes, national insurance and run my business like any other. From memory I think we spoke about the type of clients I see too, so it was all fairly standard stuff.

In return I have his WORD that he will not out any of the ladies, publish pictures by which they will be recognised or place their personal lives in jeopardy in any way. Having since spoken to him on the phone, I believe him, he read the article back to me and I'm happy with the content. He sounds like a man of his word, although I did finish by saying that if he compromises my right to privacy in any way I will drag him through every court from here to Dingwall. We both chuckled at that and the whole coversation was very amiable. So, Thursday will tell.

Mean while, this little beauty appeared in "Scotland on Sunday" today ;

http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/scotland/ITV39s-call-girl-show-39damaging39.6450685.jp#5444789

I won't go into it in depth, but this quote from Ann Hamilton got me in particular;

"People tend to think that prostitution is dead sexy, very liberating and that there is nothing harmful about it. It's portrayed as very attractive women having lots of sex and enjoying it, when in actual fact that's about 0.005 per cent of women."

I have challenged the good lady to provide a source for that particular statistic, since as one poster on Punternet said, if there are 80,000 sex workers in the UK and I am one of those "happy hookers", then where are the other three ?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address please. *sigh*

LL xx

Reviews, Regional Anthems and Road Runner

2010-07-27T20:08:00.005+01:00

Evening all, and greetings from LL Towers where I am relaxing after a long day. I met two gentlemen today, the first was a new guy and absolutely lovely and the second was a gent I've known for some time. He appeared to be deep in thought in the after glow so I asked him what was on his mind. Since I waved goodbye to alcohol ( my health is paramount for obvious reasons at the moment ), I have never felt better. My eyes are huge and clear and bright and I have oodles more energy, but back to thinking man.

"I've been thinking about how you've changed and now I have it. You look like one of those aliens that often adorn the front of the 'Weekly World News', you know, the ones with freaky eyes."

"Erm, thanks".( I think )

London was a blast, we came, we saw, we walked away from the smoking carnage. I finally had the opportunity to meet the splendorous Burlesque Honey and we spent the best part of an evening in hysterics, with Amanda and Claire. Medicine.

I also met a very nervous guy who had absolutely no need to be, what a gentleman and ahem, well, hottie too. He has written me a review here ;

http://www.punternet.com/frs/fr_view.php?recnum=98937

It was my pleasure, and thank you. :)

Whilst in London, Amanda and I also had the pleasure of an old friend of mine and I see he has done a blog about it today ;

http://www.elrondmiddleengland.co.uk/2010/07/sensual-and-lovely-time-with-amanda-and.html

It's true that the room and bed were small, hells bells, if two people turned around at the same time in that room they could have had sex by accident. Is it my fault the rooms looked huge on Late Rooms ? Besides, my accountant is already birthing kittens as we speak without a further communication from me indicating a desire to write off a Presidential Suite as an "expense".

From London I hopped on a train to Leeds to meet Mr. F for the weekend, what a wonderful experience. All of it. To be honest I hadn't been on a train for years and it was so relaxing to just sit back and admire the scenery, bar the occasional interjection from the woman opposite who was obviously hard of hearing and so was unaware that the whole carriage could hear her conversation about how rediscovering her g-spot has made dealing with turning 50 a whole heap better. It was enough to put me off my muffin, ( almost ).

Finally I got to Leeds and Mr. F and I took off into the Yorkshire countryside for the weekend. Splendid. He even went to the trouble of teaching me the "Yorkshire Regional Anthem" -

"Hear all, see all, and say nowt,
Eat all, drink all and pay nowt,
And if tha' ever does 'owt for nowt,
Do it for thissen."

He also took me to "Opera in the Park". Now, ten years ago I'd rather have chewed off my left leg than go, but I must say, the hairs stood up on the back of my neck from start to finish, in particular the final song which was "Nessun Dorma". ( That top note gets me every time.) It was fantastic.

The last day of our weekend and we wandered out into the garden with our morning brews.

"Oooh look, there's a frog."

I was just moving towards that corner of the garden for a closer inspection when he announced;

"Oh no, hang on, it's a baby rat."

Never has one woman moved so fast in such a short space of time. ( Think Road Runner. ) I'm just sorry that Norris McWhirter ( RIP ) wasn't there to capture the moment, I'm sure I smashed a land speed record. Ne'er mind, Mr. F was in stitches for quite a while, so 'every cloud' and all that.

Nite,

LL xx

Clarification and Cartwheels

2010-07-19T11:00:00.004+01:00

Morning all, just a brief blog to follow up on yesterday's entry. The lovely Dollymopp was on the phone last night because she is just back from the US and wasn't sure what I was referring to in my blog when I said I was tearful from all the support I'd been getting ( also to mention Burlesque Honey, BBW Claire and Violette too, wonderful women. )

What I was talking about was my ongoing visits to the hospital regarding the nasty lump I found in the shower. So that's what I meant, please don't worry, I'm not about to join the "One flew over the Cuckoo's next" crew. Gawd, if I haven't been driven around the bend and back again by now I'll wager I'm quite safe.

The way I see it is I have two choices; either I wallow and feel incredibly sorry for myself or I just bloody well get on with it. I choose the latter, being pig headed has it's advantages too. This week I'm off to London with Claire and Amanda and I cannot wait. From there I'm getting a train to Leeds to join Mr F for the weekend and we are off to the Opera. ( If the truth be known I've never been before so I'm looking forward to some culture, innit. ) :D

Incidentally I forgot to mention that Adorable Amy fae Scarborough is visiting sunny Glasgae in the first couple of days of August, I had the opportunity to meet her for dinner when I was in York recently and and the GPS will be out in force to meet her for lunch when she gets here too. She's a lovely lady indeed, I love her blog and have always admired the activism work she does not to mention her work on Saafe.

Alrighty, I'm off to do a cartwheel into the shower, I have a lunch engagement with a new guy and I don't want to show up looking like Vicki Pollard.

LL xx

Tears, Tours and Tetanus

2010-07-18T01:22:00.003+01:00

Morning all, I'm at home following a very enjoyable evening with a new client, what a gentleman. We had a laugh and a half, thank you D. :)

My phone has not stopped going for the past couple of days with texts and calls from some of the loveliest women I know. Jeez, I've been blown away. Amanda, Amber, Anna Aroma, Claire, Susan, Caitlin, Louise, Faye, Hannah - if I've forgotten anyone I apologise. They've all taken the time out to find out how I'm doing and I have been very tearful just reading the messages. Thank you ladies ( and also to the gents too, you know who you are. )

I'm doing OK, I don't really want to go into details but I'm staying positive. :)

Now then, I've done my diary until the end of August and my planned tours are as follows -

* London City - 22nd and 23rd of July
* Inverness incalls 29th and 30th July
* Newcastle incalls 3rd and 4th August
* Inverness incalls 12th and 13th August
* Carlisle incalls 18th and 19th August

I'm limited in my touring opportunities for August because at the end of the month I am off to Catalonia again with Mr F which I am looking forward to more than I can possibly describe, ( apart from the Ryanair flight, which can't be helped. )

Meanwhile it looks like we might need another trip to my GP. *sigh*

I have brought the light of my life up to love animals and if I catch her so much as squashing a spider she is in big trouble. There are two downsides to that.

1. She regularly marches into the kitchen announcing; "RIGHT, WE'RE ADOPTING A DOLPHIN." I have to carefully explain that whilst I appreciate it's only £5 a month and you even get a picture ( Goddamn those TV ads ) I already donate to animal charities every month and we both sponsor a dog.

2. She insists on petting every mutt tied up outside Asda. I have told her until I'm blue in the face that some dogs are very nervous and you can't just launch yourself on them to see if they fancy a belly rub. Yesterday this resulted in a short sharp shock which has just about broken skin and since I can't remember when she last had a tetanus, it's the doctor's tomorrow. Oh joy.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

LL xx

Teeth and Tyranny

2010-07-16T00:25:00.004+01:00

In the wonderful relationship between escort and client, teeth have no place, with a special mention to a glass on a bedside cabinet. NONE.

I think the best way to tackle this is by body part, so here goes ;

1. Necks.

When an escort says ( or even implies ) in her profile that she likes her neck to be nibbled, I think you'll find what she means is a delicate play around her nape and possibly throat, mainly with your lips and tongue, and perhaps with the occasional playful nip. What she does not mean is for you to sink your incisors into her larynx so as to cause a high pitched squeal and long term bruising. Seriously, "love bites" went out with "Love Cats", circa 1983.

2. Nipples.

It may surprise you to learn that nipples, ( far from being designed for your pleasure ) were actually invented to feed infants, who don't have teeth. I don't think there's any further discussion needed here.

3. Buttocks.

Now we come to the reason for this blog post. Why go to the bother of laying her on her stomach, gently nibbling her neck,massaging her lady bits until she's frothing at the mouth, then masterfully lifting her to her knees for the grande finale, just prior to sinking your teeth into her buttock ? If your desired end result is your lady friend shooting down the bed howling, go right ahead. ( A sharp smack to the puss might apply at this point too. ) If however, a mutual sighting of stars is required, I probably wouldn't.

4. Labia

If you've come this far, having successfully launched your teeth into a lady's labia, stop reading and go to the light.

Nite,

LL xx

Carlisle and Campaigning

2010-07-14T21:43:00.005+01:00

Evening all and greetings from my hotel room in Carlisle, which is so hot I'm sure a tropical bird flew out of the bathroom a few moments ago, although maybe I should just cut back on the sugar. The modern fangled technology of air conditioning has obviously not found it's way to this area yet, neither it would seem has the concept of a plug in fan. Never mind, I think I have lost several pounds in weight today, just purely through sweating. For those who complain about escort blogs which contain graphic sexual imagery, there's your antithesis.

It was my first time to visit Carlisle and it certainly won't be the last. Ventilation problems aside, it's been fantastic on many levels. Susan and I took some time out to stroll around the town and get some quality retail therapy in, before scooting back to our respective rooms for some quality trysts. One complaint, ( which in the grand scheme of things is rather minor ) is that I wish Cumbrian men could form a distinction between moi and sheep. Now I'll grant you that I have a head a curls which in the dimmest of lights and after enough pints could possibly be mistaken, but as much as I need to "switch off" after a day's work, the menfolk of Cumbria need to learn to "switch off" after a day's sheep shearing. There really is no need to throw me onto my back and hold my legs like back paws. The whole point of paying me is that I will concede, the headlock is overkill.

Anyway, Claire Finch appeared on "This Morning" the other day and I've included a link for you here ;

http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/thismor.../iranabrothel/

Personally I think she came across as a warm, sensitive, sensible and caring lady who has obviously got a very honest relationship with her daughter. I'm not sure I would have mentioned the man who liked to sing naked in the garden though, nor would have I asked Philip Schofield if he's ever had a "happy ending". ( The look on his face was priceless ). It might just be me, but I detected a note of condescension from Holly Willoughby - " I mean it's not something I would ever have in my life." No, obviously not, because it's beneath you, isn't it ? Grrrr.

Aside from that I felt Claire put forward a very convincing case for the law to be changed to allow two women to work together in safety in a flat, and she quite rightly mentioned all of her neighbours who supported her in court. She is now campaigning with the ECP and I really hope their lobbying is heard and action taken. Good luck to them.

Ok on that note I'm off to have cool shower #14.

Nite,

LL xx

Pals and Prossies

2010-07-04T21:32:00.004+01:00

Evening all, greetings from home.

I've had a wonderful couple of days but very hectic, to put it mildly. On Thursday night I went to meet two very dear friends for dinner and I think we finally toppled over at about 3.30am, gibbering quietly. It was fantastic, we laughed like demented donkeys and talked about everything, from the state of the new coalition to the crucial issue of salad cream versus mayonnaise.

Friday saw the first meeting of the GPS, ( Glasgow Prossie's Society, obviously ). Susan, Hannah, myself and a new lady called Faye met for lunch and it was fantastic. I have always been a firm believer in networking and getting to know other ladies because I believe that the industry can be a very lonely and isolating place if you don't have someone you can confide in, even if it's just to say - "Urgh, I was so looking forward to that appointment but Shrek opened the door". Some of our other members such as Caitlin and Casey were away, but we have decided to make Amanda a member by proxy. She's not Glasgow based obviously, but she behaves like The Barras finest on tour, so that's good enough for us. ( She's going to murder me for that ).

Back to the new lady, she came to me via the buddy scheme and has just launched her site, there's a link to it here ;

www.fayeglasgow.co.uk

Err, do you think someone on high is trying to tell me something ? That's the second lady I've buddied who is blonde, slim and gorgeous. Grrr. Anyway, Faye and Hannah are off to Heathrow on their first tour together this week, so all the very best ladies, 'ave it large and enjoy yourselves. :)

Finally, the appointment has come through; mammogram on the 13th followed by an appointment with a consultant on the 15th. I'm not scared, not at all. A big strapping lassie like myself ?

I'm petrified.

LL xx

Journalists and Justice

2010-06-28T16:52:00.006+01:00

Greetings, I'm back home following my trip to Inverness and it was fantastic, lovely clients and sunshine but made all the better by the craic I had with Amanda and Susan. Next month Ellie Lloyd is joining the three of us there, so it will be good to switch off our phones at the end of the day and go for dinner.

I finally got to meet the journalist who had contacted me, what a lovely lady. Kirstin Innes is an arts journalist and usually writes about film, visual art and theatre for The Scotsman, The Herald, The Independent and The List. She has decided to write a fictional novel about a woman who decides to become an escort and so wanted to do some research. ( I have her permission to share that with you ). I hope I was able to help in some way, and to be honest it was more like meeting a friend for lunch, good fun. All the very best Kirstin, I look forward to reading it and I'm holding you to the promise of a signed copy. :)

On Wednesday Thierry Schaffauser wrote a very honest and thought provoking article for the Guardian entitled "Whorephobia affects all women", the link is here :

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jun/23/sex-workers-whorephobia

In particular I liked these paragraphs -

"Whorephobia can be defined as the fear or the hate of sex workers. Sex workers like me would argue that it also embraces paternalistic attitudes that deem us a public nuisance, spreaders of disease, offenders against decency or unskilled victims who don't know what is good for them and who need to be rescued.

In its most violent form, whorephobia kills. Sex workers are far more likely to be murdered than the rest of the population: the recent killings in Bradford are the most recent and saddening example. However, it would be a mistake to think that sex workers are the only targets of these murderers. Attackers often target sex workers because they look like easier prey. Sometimes it is only once a non-sex worker is killed that the police take an investigation seriously. Until sex workers are safe, no woman is safe."

Well said and I absolutely agree. The more we are legislated against, the more we are marginalised, the greater the stigma. As it stands I frequently meet gents who think that prostitution is illegal, it isn't. If society perceive what we do to be against the law, then what hope do we have of attaining our deserved status ?

Unfortunately I was touring and so couldn't get my teeth into the "Comment is free" section after the article, as per usual some of the posts got my blood boiling. Take this little gem ;

"Does any man want their wife, mother or daughter to unite with prostitutes and fight against (alleged) oppression?"

If the Bradford killer had gone on to kill his wife, mother or daughter, he'd be the first person to be shouting for justice. As for "alleged" oppression, consider the case of Hanna Morris, charged with managing a brothel or controlling prostitution for gain after she reported a serious attack. She faces up to seven years in prison.
Two identifiable men, one with a sawn-off shotgun up his sleeve, barged in, threw petrol about threatening to torch the premises and to hold the woman there against her will. But we'll forget about all that and just charge the madam, hmmm ? If that's not considered oppression then we really need to review our definitions.

In fact, following on from the excellent post by Elrond on Punternet, I urge everyone who reads my blog to write or call Portia Ragnauth, Chief Prosecutor Surrey CPS. Ask why women’s safety is being endangered in this way.

LL xx