Gay Porn and Giving Up

Good Morning, well when I say good, there's nothing feckin' good about it. It is 4.30am and I am wide awake having a tea party with my cats because I can't sleep.

The last time I was awake at this ungodly hour deserves a mention actually, it involved myself and a pal, watching a Gay Police Porn DVD placing bets on whether it would actually go, you know.... there. It did, and we were suitably gobsmacked. In fact she was heard to exclaim - "that is the largest blunderbuss I have ever seen". That was the day I discovered why men enjoy watching two ladies together, but I digress.

I came back from Ireland with some very fetching pressies including a full length cow print pyjama suit, ( just MADE for overnight bookings ), a Jack Dee audio book ( awesome ) and the worst bout of flu I have ever had in my life. I started feeling unwell on the boat on the way back and by the time I had embarked on the drive home from Stranraer I had broken out into a cold sweat and was shivering and achey. To add insult to injury, after I made it to bed I felt like a large rhinoceros had taken up residence on my chest and was not moving for all the sweet potatoes in the world. Wonderful.

Since then, life has been an endless round of cancelled bookings and plans combined with coughing that would make Ena Sharples look like Princess Diana. Have you ever seen the heavily lined grey face of a woman who looks fifteen years older due to smoking ? I have. NOT sexy.

Enough is enough.

Being pig headed has it's advantages so today I am marching down to my GP to announce loudly that I am giving up the evil habit of smoking and that I will require patches, nasal inhalers, and anything else the NHS can offer which will make me less likely to kill someone with my bare hands.

In the spirit of friendship I will forewarn my nearest and dearest so they can dig trenches and don flak jackets, to provide protection from high velocity projectiles.

Wish me luck.

LL xx