It may surprise you to learn, that I have a conscience. A pretty big conscience as it happens, and I will always, where possible, try and do the right thing. But sometimes, it's impossible to know what that right thing is.
As escorts, we have rules. They're not set in stone, but they're generally understood to be huge no-no's. So for example, you never let a forum spat spill out into real life, especially when there are children in the background and you certainly never 'out' another escort. Following on from that is an obvious rule, you never out a client. Ever. In my time I've had a journalist put down his notepad and say, "Off the record, who have you shared sexy time with that I might know ?" My answer is always the same, "I can tell you that I wouldn't touch Wayne Rooney for £10,000, how's that ?"
Recently, I had an email from the wife/partner of someone who may or may not have been a client, my number was in his phone and as she suspected him of infidelity, she was going through his numbers. Ordinarily, when a wife makes contact, every second word starts with a 'f' or a 'c', but this one was different and below is a heavily edited copy, to protect her identity.
Hi there Laura.
I'm so sorry to bother you I really am and I feel completely ridiculous for being forced to ask you this but I don't have a choice.
First of all I'd like to say I completely respect you and the work you do, I would love to have the courage and confidence to do your line of work. It seems to be something you really enjoy doing and I take my hat off to you, you have my full respect.
The reason I'm contacting you is I came across your details in my partners phone and I'm wondering if he is or has been one of your clients?
We have been together for just over two years and have a ** month old and I'm currently **** months pregnant with baby number two. A lot of stuff has came to light regarding him since May and I'm at my wits end with it all between the lying and the cheating. He really has taken the complete piss out of me and I've had enough.
I'm not asking you so I can question him or eat him alive for meeting you it's so I know the truth for myself. I know as someone who is completely detached from the situation you have no reason to lie and I would take your word as truth. This would help give me the courage and push I need to walk away with my head held high without questioning myself and without having to explain to him why I've walked away. He will never know I've contacted you so if he is a client of yours all i'd ask is that you don't say to him i've contacted you if you meet up again. To be fair it's not because of your line of work I'm so fed up and angry it's because he's gone behind my back yet again.
I know you probably will have some discretion regarding your clients and I understand that so I wouldn't need to know where you'd met up or when or what you got up to just if he'd been a client of yours in the time we've been together or not or if you've corresponded with him. I haven't given you his name or anything yet just in case you tell me to piss off.
Again I'm so sorry I've bothered you and I really hope I haven't offended you in any way shape or form as that wasn't my intention I'm just trying to get to the truth so I can do what's best for me and my two babies. I look forward to hearing from you and I really hope you can help me.
Kindest regards,
******** x
Here is my reply -
Hi *******,
Thanks for your email which I must admit took me by surprise, not least because usually if it's a partner getting in touch, they are furious.
I'm really very sorry this man is putting you through all this pain, you sound like a lovely lady and deserve better.
Allow me to explain how I operate. I have never and would never reveal the name of a client and I expect the same from them in terms of recognising me in public etc. At the end of the day, I am not a predatory woman, I have a website where the clients come to me. Sometimes they tell me they are married, sometimes single, but I'm never to know if it's true, I just take what they say at face value.
As a woman who has been messed around by partners too, my heart goes out to you and I really wish I could help you more, but I'm guessing if your gut instinct is telling you he's a rat and you need to walk, then speaking for myself, I never ignore that inner voice.
Very best wishes,
LL xx
And finally, her response -
Hello.
Thanks so much for getting back to me I really appreciate it.
I honestly hand on heart don't hold you responsible or give you any blame in any which way shape or form. I completely understand you are doing your job and you don't actively seek these men out, they seek you and to be fair if I were in the same profession as you I wouldn't ask questions and would take what they said at face value too.
I think the reason I'm not angry is because this is just a tiny bit of the lies I've listened to and so much had come to light I'm more disappointed when we have a ***** and a ***** on the way.
We're both only ** and have a family and I thought everything was great until May when all of this came out. What I'm annoyed at really is he paid to see you obviously as that's part of the deal but I've had to buy cots, prams, clothes and decorate our new babies room all on my own. Which again has no reflection on you it just proves he's a scumbag.
I had a feeling you couldn't disclose if you'd met him or not but I thought I'd reach out to you in the hope you could even if it was just to say yeah I've heard from him without saying yes we've met. It's the not knowing for sure that's driving me mad.
I'm sorry if I shocked you or upset you as you seem really nice too.
Best wishes,
***** xx
And therein lies my problem, she did indeed 'reach out' to me, and in some ways, I feel I've let her down. Rules are rules as far as escorts are concerned but I'm a mother too and it kills me to think this man is treating her so badly, and I could write the Encyclopedia Britannica on abusive ex partners.
In the end, I stuck to the 'rules' and protected him, and yet my conscience is eating me. Maybe, just maybe I could have checked my records and found nothing, or even saved his number as 'Creep, DNA'. Or maybe, I could have helped her walk away. Perhaps if we were more like the cold, unfeeling, emotionally redundant women the media would have you believe, this would have been easier. But we're not, and it isn't.
LL xx
Really interesting post and a tricky one because she does sound genuinely lovely and distraught.
ReplyDeleteI think you did the right thing by not saying either way if you've met him. There is a small chance she might be playing 'nice' to get the info out of you and who knows what might happen if you had told her you had seen her partner. She could well tell him you told her or cause other trouble, or he could. You know you have to do what you can in our world to protect ourselves.
I also think she knows already he is a shit and knows she should leave and if she hasn't yet something is holding her back, maybe you telling her what she wants to hear would give her the push, but maybe it wouldn't and just make her more unhappy.
Can totally see why your conscience is pricked- I'm thinking about how I would respond and if it's any consolation, I probably would have done the same and also feel the same (Yeah, I have a couple of crappy exes too!) and even on a re read I am still thinking if it was me she wrote to maybe I should check and tell her the truth either way. A tough one.
A tough one indeed. I really do believe in listening to that inner voice though, this guy obviously has form and I just hope she finds the courage to walk away. If I knew who he was I'd throttle him myself ! Thanks for your comment. :-)
Deletehave you checked out your records? Maybe you haven't seen him. Or he could turn out to be a regular which would possibly place a more awkward slant on it! Eek!
ReplyDeleteI haven't checked my records because we didn't get as far as her passing me his details. I really hope he isn't a regular. Thanks for your comment :-)
DeleteI find the second letter interesting, where she starts to blame the sex work, which in my opionin is a short step from blaming you. There is anger swilling around, and a refusal to take control or direct it at her partner. Refusal sounds perhaps more judgemental than i meant, there can be many reasons that someone cannot take that step that frees them.
ReplyDeleteHere is another scenario, he confessed in May he had seen an escort becasue she thoguht his desires to be spanked ect were weierd and told him so, but he could not live with the guilt of going behind her back, and so was telling her everything. Since May though she has been unable to forgive him and has become obsessed with finding out who he saw so she can confront them.
Basically you dont know what is happening in their relationship or even in her head. The fact you have had abusive ex parterns mean you see one thing, the fact i dont trust women perhaps mean i see others. However all you have here is someone who wants to be told to leave, which you cannot do, and who is only telling you their view of the world. Not telling isnt cruel or heartless, it is all you can do when the situation is like this. You do not know what the impact of telling might be, to assume it would be some rosy scenario where she leaves him instantly is far more naieve than i think you are :)
I'm not assuming anything at all, because there are so many different scenarios which could be the true story. She has every right to be angry, I would be filled with rage, but I think her communication was polite and I really hope she works it out, one way or the other.
DeleteHi Laura,
ReplyDeleteI think you did the right thing, you can't be held accountable for other people's actions. We have regular clients who will visit our ladies when in Barcelona for business and away from their wives. At the beginning it really bothered me as I felt by organizing the bookings with the girls I was helping them cheat.
When I saw it from a more business point of view, I learnt to deal with it a lot better. As a woman, you don't really want to know about it but as a professional, you did the right thing.
In the end, I think I did too. Thanks for your comment :-)
DeleteI hope her and her partner work things out. I think you handled the situation perfectly. The confidentiality thing is a complete minefield.You have to keep yourself as well as your clients safe!
ReplyDeleteI hope they work it out too. He does sound like a total weazel to me though and I hope she does eventually gather enough evidence, not to mention strength to kick him to the kerb. Thanks for commenting :-)
DeleteHave to laugh at your fake concern. You dont care who you hurt or what relationships you destroy so long as you get paid.
ReplyDeleteHave the courage to reply as yourself rather than anonymous and we'll have a discussion. Coward.
DeleteYou call these people who are your clients creeps, if you feel that strongly about married men why keep seeing them if not only for the money?
DeleteThe only occassion where I would save someone's number as 'Creep, do not answer', is if they had been downright rude or disrespectful to me on the phone and clearly someone I wouldn't enjoy spending time with. That being the case, we won't have met so they won't be a client. I wouldn't refer to any of my clients as creeps, far from it. I'm lucky to have a very diverse and dedicated client base, one I wouldn't change for the world. As for the money, that's why everyone works, is it not ? That I happen to enjoy my job is a bonus.
DeleteIt is how you talk about your clients that rings false. I don't believe you or anyone else in the escort business sees their clients as any more than walking cash machines. Any claim of a connection is only to keep the money coming.
ReplyDeleteThat statement just goes to show the level of understanding you have around what I do, zilch. To do what I do for as long as I have requires empathy and compassion. Some of the clients I have are also good friends, we've known each other years. Stop throwing sweeping statements around about that which you clearly don't understand.
DeleteFriends don't have sex with friends for money. They are using you for sex, you are using them for money. Anything else is a lie that both parties tell themselves to make themselves feel better. Simples!
DeleteI don't need to feel better thanks, I'm in a very happy place at the moment and living my life to the max. Take your amateur psychology elsewhere, I'm not interested.
Delete