Sunday, 13 November 2011

How to book an escort .... the survival guide re etiquette

I have borrowed this from a poster on Punternet, I think it's priceless -

Personal hygiene:-

Despite protestations to the contrary, what the lady wants is the smell of a REAL man, that earthy pong of honest sweat. You may be offered the use of bathing facilities, do not fall for this, it is a well known ploy to test your suitability as a regular (accept and you may never return), just ignore it, whip your todger out and say the magic words “get yer larfin gear round that then gal!!”, it works every time.

Services: -

Most if not all ladies are rather shy and retiring, in so many ways they are like delicate flowers that need to be gently and repeatedly questioned before they finally open up and reveal their innermost feelings and desires, hence the need to totally disregard any form of limitations in the area of services provided, they ALL supply, and indeed crave, ALL forms of sexual activity, don’t be put off by a list of “don’ts” because the implication behind that list is “well I do, but don’t tell anybody”.


Although this part of the deal is of the least interest to the lady (it’s just pandering to tradition really) it needs dealing with in a business like manner. I expect that you have seen a couple (almost a rarity these days) of adverts that state that payment is to be in “cash only”, well to be frank these ladies are a little bit behind the times, there are major disadvantages to cash and your refusal to use it will be appreciated enormously once you explain the advantages of the cheque.

1. No more embarrassing moments when the lady discovers that she is £20 short
2. No more embarrassing moments when the lady discovers that you have overpaid by £20
3. The dud note problem is eliminated
4. No more having to keep an accurate count of income for tax purposes, just pay it in to the bank account and let the accountant do the rest

The list is endless, the lady will be indebted to you for life.


Obviously the security of the lady is paramount but “what about my security on an incall?” I hear you ask, a very good point and very well made say I, have no fears on that score because the punting fraternity have already got that one fully sussed out. All ladies that do incall are now legally required to have an arrangement with their Neighbourhood Watch Committee, so before you set out just take a note of their number and when you are ensconced inside the dwelling just give them a quick bell and inform them of the Lady’s name, address and mobile number and the duration of your stay, a 2 minute call and you’re all done and dusted.

Advertising: -

This is a very expensive and sensitive area for a lady, getting just that right balance of titillation without straying into the vulgar can be quite a soul-searching task, you can be of great assistance here, by following all the previous guidelines you will soon find the lady of your dreams and quickly become a regular, so why not be really helpful and give her some free advertising, get a T shirt made up using the following template.

LILY OF LEYTONSTONE TAKES IT UP THE BACKSIDE (with her mobile number of course).

Wear that every day and she will shower you (golden if that is your preference) with praise and be your soul mate for life.

Initial contact: -

I believe that I have already posted information on this subject but I shall incorporate it just for the sake of completeness. This is a much forgotten, misunderstood yet so important feature of punting; as in most things in life first impressions are the ones that stick, they are the very bedrock that will support and nurture future appointments, so get it right. I shall endeavour to cover the two main methods of initial contact and give as many tips as possible, however you will have your own style so treat the following as a guide only and not something to be slavishly followed :-


The lady logs on and views her inbox, she has 2 Emails, one has a subject of “I would like to arrange an incall appointment” the other has a subject of “r u up 4 it or wot”, bit of a no-brainer really. The first is very likely to be from some lily-livered wimp called Tarquin wanting to make a booking for a 3 hour “mutual enjoyment experience”, the chances are that the lady will delete that without bothering to open it, whereas the second one will really catch her eye, she will know from experience that inside will be the promise of an hour of good hard shagging by a real man.

Make the body of the Email short, sharp and preferably explicit, don’t hint at things you want, be open and upfront, the lady does not want to have to read between the lines or look for subtext, after all what she desires above everything else is an assertive male that knows what he wants and gets it, phrases like “I would like to indulge in a little tradesman's entrance play” is for the Tarquin’s of this world and just will not cut the mustard with a WG, be bold and write “your backside will make the Mersey Tunnel look like a drinking straw when I’m done with you”, this is what excites the lady, this is what gets her going, you really can’t go wrong with this sort of approach.


Picture if you can the following scene, it is 3 O’clock in the afternoon and the lady is reading “Bleak House” or working on her needlepoint, as an aside I think this is an appropriate place to dispel a widely held misconception, WG’s do not have a “normal” life outside of working, they are on call 24/7, it is not work that they do it is a vocation, her biological clock is in perfect harmony with your sexual desires; they are always dressed in erotic lingerie and will respond well to repeated enquiries as to what they are wearing, but I digress.

The phone rings, the lady answers and hears :-

“Hello Thelma, my name is Tarquin, I wonder if you would be available this afternoon ……….”

Not unsurprisingly all he will hear (if he is lucky) is a loud “click”

An alternative to the above is, the phone rings, the lady answers and hears :-

“Get your tits out, get your tits out, get your tits out for the lads …………. Wot u wearin’ then?”

Instant rapport, the lady will be overcome with excitement, you’ve pulled, I rest my case.

LL xx

Sunday, 6 November 2011

... and now, a song.

To the tune of The Boxer.

I am just a call girl
Though my story's seldom told
I have fought the rad fems deftly
For a inbox full of promises like prayers for my soul
All lies and jests
Still a girl hears what she needs to hear
And disregards the rest

When I left my home and my family
I was no more than a girl
In the company of escorts
In the quiet of a plush hotel running scared
Laying low, seeking out the higher quarters
Where the wealthy people go
Looking for the places only they would know

Lie la lie ...
Asking only hooker's wages
I come looking for a job
And I get some offers,
Plus a heads up from the girls on Shaftesbury Avenue
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
But there was camaraderie there

Lie la lie ...

Then I'm laying out my outcall clothes
And knowing I am home
I am home
Where the Dublin City winters aren't bleeding me
Bleeding me, I am home

In the clearing stands an escort
And a fighter by her trade
And she carries the reminders
Of every one that put her down
Or hurt her till she cried out
In her anger and her name
"Legislate against or mock me"
But the fighter still remains

Lie la lie ...

LL xx

Thursday, 3 November 2011

IUSW Press release - 2/11/2011

ACPO release Strategy for Policing Prostitution and Sexual Exploitation.

The International Union of Sex Workers offers a cautious welcome to the new guidance from the Association of Chief Police Officers.

Current law on the sex industry is confusing and complicated: sex workers are at risk of prosecution unless they work indoors in complete isolation. Legislation on brothel keeping and “controlling for gain” fail to target exploitation or coercion, but criminalises those working together. For those selling sex onstreet, the definition of “persistent soliciting” (more than once every three months) means they can have contact with the police four times a year without risk of arrest.

We are glad to see ACPO recognise that “the safety of people engaged in sex work must be paramount to the police service”.

We are also glad to see awareness of the practical work currently underway that increases the protection of people in the sex industry:
“As currently done by Merseyside Police, to deal with violent and sexual crimes / incidents on sex workers in the same vein as a ‘Hate Crime / Incident’ i.e. premium response and service to the victim”
“ACPO supports the work of the UK Network of Sex Worker Projects, especially in relation to the ongoing development and enhancement of ‘Ugly Mugs’ schemes”

There is also acknowledgement that “Enforcement alone is an inadequate solution,” with clear direction to local forces: “This strategy supports partner organizations and projects offering support services to sex workers … Supporting health, welfare, education and peer-led organisations in promoting safe sex practice by sex workers “

However, there remains an inherent contradiction between the police role of protection and enforcement, and sex workers will continue to bear the consequences of this in terms of violence and other abuses.

Catherine Stephens, an activist with the IUSW, says “Like Simon Byrne, ACPO Lead on this issue, the IUSW wishes to see policy based on a sound evidence base, that draws upon the experience of sex workers in decriminalised areas of Australia and New Zealand. Sex workers deserve the full protection of the law and equal treatment with other citizens.”

Georgina Perry, manager of Open Doors service, which operates across three of London’s Olympic boroughs and member of the Board of the UKNSWP “We welcome the ACPO’s recognition that partnership work with expert local services is essential; the UKNSWP represents more than 60 such services across the UK who are the frontline of offering services to sex workers. Partnership work must include working with sex workers themselves. Laws about sex work in this country do little to protect people who are selling sex, which should be our highest priority.”