Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Reviews, Regional Anthems and Road Runner

Evening all, and greetings from LL Towers where I am relaxing after a long day. I met two gentlemen today, the first was a new guy and absolutely lovely and the second was a gent I've known for some time. He appeared to be deep in thought in the after glow so I asked him what was on his mind. Since I waved goodbye to alcohol ( my health is paramount for obvious reasons at the moment ), I have never felt better. My eyes are huge and clear and bright and I have oodles more energy, but back to thinking man.

"I've been thinking about how you've changed and now I have it. You look like one of those aliens that often adorn the front of the 'Weekly World News', you know, the ones with freaky eyes."

"Erm, thanks".( I think )

London was a blast, we came, we saw, we walked away from the smoking carnage. I finally had the opportunity to meet the splendorous Burlesque Honey and we spent the best part of an evening in hysterics, with Amanda and Claire. Medicine.

I also met a very nervous guy who had absolutely no need to be, what a gentleman and ahem, well, hottie too. He has written me a review here ;


It was my pleasure, and thank you. :)

Whilst in London, Amanda and I also had the pleasure of an old friend of mine and I see he has done a blog about it today ;


It's true that the room and bed were small, hells bells, if two people turned around at the same time in that room they could have had sex by accident. Is it my fault the rooms looked huge on Late Rooms ? Besides, my accountant is already birthing kittens as we speak without a further communication from me indicating a desire to write off a Presidential Suite as an "expense".

From London I hopped on a train to Leeds to meet Mr. F for the weekend, what a wonderful experience. All of it. To be honest I hadn't been on a train for years and it was so relaxing to just sit back and admire the scenery, bar the occasional interjection from the woman opposite who was obviously hard of hearing and so was unaware that the whole carriage could hear her conversation about how rediscovering her g-spot has made dealing with turning 50 a whole heap better. It was enough to put me off my muffin, ( almost ).

Finally I got to Leeds and Mr. F and I took off into the Yorkshire countryside for the weekend. Splendid. He even went to the trouble of teaching me the "Yorkshire Regional Anthem" -

"Hear all, see all, and say nowt,
Eat all, drink all and pay nowt,
And if tha' ever does 'owt for nowt,
Do it for thissen."

He also took me to "Opera in the Park". Now, ten years ago I'd rather have chewed off my left leg than go, but I must say, the hairs stood up on the back of my neck from start to finish, in particular the final song which was "Nessun Dorma". ( That top note gets me every time.) It was fantastic.

The last day of our weekend and we wandered out into the garden with our morning brews.

"Oooh look, there's a frog."

I was just moving towards that corner of the garden for a closer inspection when he announced;

"Oh no, hang on, it's a baby rat."

Never has one woman moved so fast in such a short space of time. ( Think Road Runner. ) I'm just sorry that Norris McWhirter ( RIP ) wasn't there to capture the moment, I'm sure I smashed a land speed record. Ne'er mind, Mr. F was in stitches for quite a while, so 'every cloud' and all that.


LL xx

Monday, 19 July 2010

Clarification and Cartwheels

Morning all, just a brief blog to follow up on yesterday's entry. The lovely Dollymopp was on the phone last night because she is just back from the US and wasn't sure what I was referring to in my blog when I said I was tearful from all the support I'd been getting ( also to mention Burlesque Honey, BBW Claire and Violette too, wonderful women. )

What I was talking about was my ongoing visits to the hospital regarding the nasty lump I found in the shower. So that's what I meant, please don't worry, I'm not about to join the "One flew over the Cuckoo's next" crew. Gawd, if I haven't been driven around the bend and back again by now I'll wager I'm quite safe.

The way I see it is I have two choices; either I wallow and feel incredibly sorry for myself or I just bloody well get on with it. I choose the latter, being pig headed has it's advantages too. This week I'm off to London with Claire and Amanda and I cannot wait. From there I'm getting a train to Leeds to join Mr F for the weekend and we are off to the Opera. ( If the truth be known I've never been before so I'm looking forward to some culture, innit. ) :D

Incidentally I forgot to mention that Adorable Amy fae Scarborough is visiting sunny Glasgae in the first couple of days of August, I had the opportunity to meet her for dinner when I was in York recently and and the GPS will be out in force to meet her for lunch when she gets here too. She's a lovely lady indeed, I love her blog and have always admired the activism work she does not to mention her work on Saafe.

Alrighty, I'm off to do a cartwheel into the shower, I have a lunch engagement with a new guy and I don't want to show up looking like Vicki Pollard.

LL xx

Sunday, 18 July 2010

Tears, Tours and Tetanus

Morning all, I'm at home following a very enjoyable evening with a new client, what a gentleman. We had a laugh and a half, thank you D. :)

My phone has not stopped going for the past couple of days with texts and calls from some of the loveliest women I know. Jeez, I've been blown away. Amanda, Amber, Anna Aroma, Claire, Susan, Caitlin, Louise, Faye, Hannah - if I've forgotten anyone I apologise. They've all taken the time out to find out how I'm doing and I have been very tearful just reading the messages. Thank you ladies ( and also to the gents too, you know who you are. )

I'm doing OK, I don't really want to go into details but I'm staying positive. :)

Now then, I've done my diary until the end of August and my planned tours are as follows -

* London City - 22nd and 23rd of July
* Inverness incalls 29th and 30th July
* Newcastle incalls 3rd and 4th August
* Inverness incalls 12th and 13th August
* Carlisle incalls 18th and 19th August

I'm limited in my touring opportunities for August because at the end of the month I am off to Catalonia again with Mr F which I am looking forward to more than I can possibly describe, ( apart from the Ryanair flight, which can't be helped. )

Meanwhile it looks like we might need another trip to my GP. *sigh*

I have brought the light of my life up to love animals and if I catch her so much as squashing a spider she is in big trouble. There are two downsides to that.

1. She regularly marches into the kitchen announcing; "RIGHT, WE'RE ADOPTING A DOLPHIN." I have to carefully explain that whilst I appreciate it's only £5 a month and you even get a picture ( Goddamn those TV ads ) I already donate to animal charities every month and we both sponsor a dog.

2. She insists on petting every mutt tied up outside Asda. I have told her until I'm blue in the face that some dogs are very nervous and you can't just launch yourself on them to see if they fancy a belly rub. Yesterday this resulted in a short sharp shock which has just about broken skin and since I can't remember when she last had a tetanus, it's the doctor's tomorrow. Oh joy.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

LL xx

Friday, 16 July 2010

Teeth and Tyranny

In the wonderful relationship between escort and client, teeth have no place, with a special mention to a glass on a bedside cabinet. NONE.

I think the best way to tackle this is by body part, so here goes ;

1. Necks.

When an escort says ( or even implies ) in her profile that she likes her neck to be nibbled, I think you'll find what she means is a delicate play around her nape and possibly throat, mainly with your lips and tongue, and perhaps with the occasional playful nip. What she does not mean is for you to sink your incisors into her larynx so as to cause a high pitched squeal and long term bruising. Seriously, "love bites" went out with "Love Cats", circa 1983.

2. Nipples.

It may surprise you to learn that nipples, ( far from being designed for your pleasure ) were actually invented to feed infants, who don't have teeth. I don't think there's any further discussion needed here.

3. Buttocks.

Now we come to the reason for this blog post. Why go to the bother of laying her on her stomach, gently nibbling her neck,massaging her lady bits until she's frothing at the mouth, then masterfully lifting her to her knees for the grande finale, just prior to sinking your teeth into her buttock ? If your desired end result is your lady friend shooting down the bed howling, go right ahead. ( A sharp smack to the puss might apply at this point too. ) If however, a mutual sighting of stars is required, I probably wouldn't.

4. Labia

If you've come this far, having successfully launched your teeth into a lady's labia, stop reading and go to the light.


LL xx

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Carlisle and Campaigning

Evening all and greetings from my hotel room in Carlisle, which is so hot I'm sure a tropical bird flew out of the bathroom a few moments ago, although maybe I should just cut back on the sugar. The modern fangled technology of air conditioning has obviously not found it's way to this area yet, neither it would seem has the concept of a plug in fan. Never mind, I think I have lost several pounds in weight today, just purely through sweating. For those who complain about escort blogs which contain graphic sexual imagery, there's your antithesis.

It was my first time to visit Carlisle and it certainly won't be the last. Ventilation problems aside, it's been fantastic on many levels. Susan and I took some time out to stroll around the town and get some quality retail therapy in, before scooting back to our respective rooms for some quality trysts. One complaint, ( which in the grand scheme of things is rather minor ) is that I wish Cumbrian men could form a distinction between moi and sheep. Now I'll grant you that I have a head a curls which in the dimmest of lights and after enough pints could possibly be mistaken, but as much as I need to "switch off" after a day's work, the menfolk of Cumbria need to learn to "switch off" after a day's sheep shearing. There really is no need to throw me onto my back and hold my legs like back paws. The whole point of paying me is that I will concede, the headlock is overkill.

Anyway, Claire Finch appeared on "This Morning" the other day and I've included a link for you here ;


Personally I think she came across as a warm, sensitive, sensible and caring lady who has obviously got a very honest relationship with her daughter. I'm not sure I would have mentioned the man who liked to sing naked in the garden though, nor would have I asked Philip Schofield if he's ever had a "happy ending". ( The look on his face was priceless ). It might just be me, but I detected a note of condescension from Holly Willoughby - " I mean it's not something I would ever have in my life." No, obviously not, because it's beneath you, isn't it ? Grrrr.

Aside from that I felt Claire put forward a very convincing case for the law to be changed to allow two women to work together in safety in a flat, and she quite rightly mentioned all of her neighbours who supported her in court. She is now campaigning with the ECP and I really hope their lobbying is heard and action taken. Good luck to them.

Ok on that note I'm off to have cool shower #14.


LL xx

Sunday, 4 July 2010

Pals and Prossies

Evening all, greetings from home.

I've had a wonderful couple of days but very hectic, to put it mildly. On Thursday night I went to meet two very dear friends for dinner and I think we finally toppled over at about 3.30am, gibbering quietly. It was fantastic, we laughed like demented donkeys and talked about everything, from the state of the new coalition to the crucial issue of salad cream versus mayonnaise.

Friday saw the first meeting of the GPS, ( Glasgow Prossie's Society, obviously ). Susan, Hannah, myself and a new lady called Faye met for lunch and it was fantastic. I have always been a firm believer in networking and getting to know other ladies because I believe that the industry can be a very lonely and isolating place if you don't have someone you can confide in, even if it's just to say - "Urgh, I was so looking forward to that appointment but Shrek opened the door". Some of our other members such as Caitlin and Casey were away, but we have decided to make Amanda a member by proxy. She's not Glasgow based obviously, but she behaves like The Barras finest on tour, so that's good enough for us. ( She's going to murder me for that ).

Back to the new lady, she came to me via the buddy scheme and has just launched her site, there's a link to it here ;


Err, do you think someone on high is trying to tell me something ? That's the second lady I've buddied who is blonde, slim and gorgeous. Grrr. Anyway, Faye and Hannah are off to Heathrow on their first tour together this week, so all the very best ladies, 'ave it large and enjoy yourselves. :)

Finally, the appointment has come through; mammogram on the 13th followed by an appointment with a consultant on the 15th. I'm not scared, not at all. A big strapping lassie like myself ?

I'm petrified.

LL xx