Saturday, 23 November 2013

A crisis of conscience

It may surprise you to learn, that I have a conscience. A pretty big conscience as it happens, and I will always, where possible, try and do the right thing. But sometimes, it's impossible to know what that right thing is.

As escorts, we have rules. They're not set in stone, but they're generally understood to be huge no-no's. So for example, you never let a forum spat spill out into real life, especially when there are children in the background and you certainly never 'out' another escort. Following on from that is an obvious rule, you never out a client. Ever. In my time I've had a journalist put down his notepad and say, "Off the record, who have you shared sexy time with that I might know ?" My answer is always the same, "I can tell you that I wouldn't touch Wayne Rooney for £10,000, how's that ?"

Recently, I had an email from the wife/partner of someone who may or may not have been a client, my number was in his phone and as she suspected him of infidelity, she was going through his numbers. Ordinarily, when a wife makes contact, every second word starts with a 'f' or a 'c', but this one was different and below is a heavily edited copy, to protect her identity.

Hi there Laura.

I'm so sorry to bother you I really am and I feel completely ridiculous for being forced to ask you this but I don't have a choice.

First of all I'd like to say I completely respect you and the work you do, I would love to have the courage and confidence to do your line of work. It seems to be something you really enjoy doing and I take my hat off to you, you have my full respect.

The reason I'm contacting you is I came across your details in my partners phone and I'm wondering if he is or has been one of your clients?

We have been together for just over two years and have a ** month old and I'm currently **** months pregnant with baby number two. A lot of stuff has came to light regarding him since May and I'm at my wits end with it all between the lying and the cheating. He really has taken the complete piss out of me and I've had enough.

I'm not asking you so I can question him or eat him alive for meeting you it's so I know the truth for myself. I know as someone who is completely detached from the situation you have no reason to lie and I would take your word as truth. This would help give me the courage and push I need to walk away with my head held high without questioning myself and without having to explain to him why I've walked away. He will never know I've contacted you so if he is a client of yours all i'd ask is that you don't say to him i've contacted you if you meet up again. To be fair it's not because of your line of work I'm so fed up and angry it's because he's gone behind my back yet again.

I know you probably will have some discretion regarding your clients and I understand that so I wouldn't need to know where you'd met up or when or what you got up to just if he'd been a client of yours in the time we've been together or not or if you've corresponded with him. I haven't given you his name or anything yet just in case you tell me to piss off.

Again I'm so sorry I've bothered you and I really hope I haven't offended you in any way shape or form as that wasn't my intention I'm just trying to get to the truth so I can do what's best for me and my two babies. I look forward to hearing from you and I really hope you can help me.

Kindest regards,

******** x

Here is my reply -

Hi *******,

Thanks for your email which I must admit took me by surprise, not least because usually if it's a partner getting in touch, they are furious.

I'm really very sorry this man is putting you through all this pain, you sound like a lovely lady and deserve better.

Allow me to explain how I operate. I have never and would never reveal the name of a client and I expect the same from them in terms of recognising me in public etc. At the end of the day, I am not a predatory woman, I have a website where the clients come to me. Sometimes they tell me they are married, sometimes single, but I'm never to know if it's true, I just take what they say at face value.

As a woman who has been messed around by partners too, my heart goes out to you and I really wish I could help you more, but I'm guessing if your gut instinct is telling you he's a rat and you need to walk, then speaking for myself, I never ignore that inner voice.

Very best wishes,

LL xx

And finally, her response -


Thanks so much for getting back to me I really appreciate it.

I honestly hand on heart don't hold you responsible or give you any blame in any which way shape or form. I completely understand you are doing your job and you don't actively seek these men out, they seek you and to be fair if I were in the same profession as you I wouldn't ask questions and would take what they said at face value too.

I think the reason I'm not angry is because this is just a tiny bit of the lies I've listened to and so much had come to light I'm more disappointed when we have a ***** and a ***** on the way.

We're both only ** and have a family and I thought everything was great until May when all of this came out. What I'm annoyed at really is he paid to see you obviously as that's part of the deal but I've had to buy cots, prams, clothes and decorate our new babies room all on my own. Which again has no reflection on you it just proves he's a scumbag.

I had a feeling you couldn't disclose if you'd met him or not but I thought I'd reach out to you in the hope you could even if it was just to say yeah I've heard from him without saying yes we've met. It's the not knowing for sure that's driving me mad.

I'm sorry if I shocked you or upset you as you seem really nice too.

Best wishes,

***** xx

And therein lies my problem, she did indeed 'reach out' to me, and in some ways, I feel I've let her down. Rules are rules as far as escorts are concerned but I'm a mother too and it kills me to think this man is treating her so badly, and I could write the Encyclopedia Britannica on abusive ex partners.

In the end, I stuck to the 'rules' and protected him, and yet my conscience is eating me. Maybe, just maybe I could have checked my records and found nothing, or even saved his number as 'Creep, DNA'. Or maybe, I could have helped her walk away. Perhaps if we were more like the cold, unfeeling, emotionally redundant women the media would have you believe, this would have been easier. But we're not, and it isn't.

LL xx