Bed Picnics and Belfast

Short, spiked fringes coaxed with gel ( fae Farmfoods ) and brushed forwards to within an inch of their lives, an over powering waft of Lynx Animal and his and hers shiny tracksuits - it can only mean one thing, I'm back in Glasgow, hurrah.

I had a splendid time in London. Firstly let me say it is always a pleasure to meet a gentleman who has found me via Rhia Charles, as I know he'll have a modicum of basic manners and decorum as a minimum. This particular gent arrived at my hotel room with a bed picnic, consisting of freshly squeezed orange juice, smoked salmon, grapes and chocolate biscuits too, it was bliss, ( or as we say in Glasgow - it was pure brilliant, so it was ).

I had the opportunity to have dinner with Ellie LLoyd, Susan and Burlesque Honey and we amused ourselves by people watching. To be more specific, we were watching one particular "lady" ( and I use the term very loosely indeed ) who was gyrating around a bemused business man with such ferocity that I thought she was going to do her neck an injury with all that orgasm-mimicking flicking that was going on. We were in stitches to begin with, especially when said business man spotted us and said -

"In her defence, she IS Norwegian."

Well that finished us off I'm afraid. In the end I found myself rather annoyed that her so called "friends" didn't get her in a headlock and take her to her room to sleep off the excesses because she really was in danger of doing something dreadfully daft. Ho hum.

Tomorrow I'm off to Belfast and true to form the volcanic ash has hit us once again, just on time. Great. Hopefully Spandex and I will formulate an alternative travel plan which succeeds, otherwise I shall miss my monthly tryst. I've grown completely impervious to the bemused looks of security men now, I usually just flash them a grin.

Well, I'm sure I'm not the first woman to walk through customs with a rampant rabbit, butt plug, cat o'nine tails, handcuffs, bondage rope, lube in several flavours, nipple clamps, an egg topper, various restraints, a blindfold and two strap ons. Anyway, if anyone compromises my identity on Twitter I can always sue, I don't see why not, every other fecker is.

LL xx

Tears, Tours and Tetanus

Morning all, I'm at home following a very enjoyable evening with a new client, what a gentleman. We had a laugh and a half, thank you D. :)

My phone has not stopped going for the past couple of days with texts and calls from some of the loveliest women I know. Jeez, I've been blown away. Amanda, Amber, Anna Aroma, Claire, Susan, Caitlin, Louise, Faye, Hannah - if I've forgotten anyone I apologise. They've all taken the time out to find out how I'm doing and I have been very tearful just reading the messages. Thank you ladies ( and also to the gents too, you know who you are. )

I'm doing OK, I don't really want to go into details but I'm staying positive. :)

Now then, I've done my diary until the end of August and my planned tours are as follows -

* London City - 22nd and 23rd of July
* Inverness incalls 29th and 30th July
* Newcastle incalls 3rd and 4th August
* Inverness incalls 12th and 13th August
* Carlisle incalls 18th and 19th August

I'm limited in my touring opportunities for August because at the end of the month I am off to Catalonia again with Mr F which I am looking forward to more than I can possibly describe, ( apart from the Ryanair flight, which can't be helped. )

Meanwhile it looks like we might need another trip to my GP. *sigh*

I have brought the light of my life up to love animals and if I catch her so much as squashing a spider she is in big trouble. There are two downsides to that.

1. She regularly marches into the kitchen announcing; "RIGHT, WE'RE ADOPTING A DOLPHIN." I have to carefully explain that whilst I appreciate it's only £5 a month and you even get a picture ( Goddamn those TV ads ) I already donate to animal charities every month and we both sponsor a dog.

2. She insists on petting every mutt tied up outside Asda. I have told her until I'm blue in the face that some dogs are very nervous and you can't just launch yourself on them to see if they fancy a belly rub. Yesterday this resulted in a short sharp shock which has just about broken skin and since I can't remember when she last had a tetanus, it's the doctor's tomorrow. Oh joy.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

LL xx

Tribune and Tours

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