Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Foreign Jaunts and Field Reports

Good evening and greetings from Perth. I am back from my foreign jaunts and feeling thoroughly rested, tanned ( well, peeling ) and ready to take on whatever comes my way. My first stop was the Isle of Man, it was my first visit there, courtesy of Mr. F and suffice to say it was very interesting indeed. Sometimes I think I have it tattooed on my forehead - "ALL WHO HAVE EVER ENTERTAINED STRANGE THOUGHTS, APPLY HERE."

We met them all, from the lady who thought I should join a production company doing "The Rocky Horror Show", ( on foot of the fact I can hold a note and look like Magenta ) to the multi millionaire who burst into tears and told us money can't buy you happiness. Hmmm, could have told him that. Still, many hugs were exchanged and we sent him on his merry way ( and I do mean MERRY ) probably to wake up in complete oblivion to the night before. We also caught a production of "Bugsy Malone" which was fantastic and finished up with a trip around the island to the various wee towns whilst deftly avoiding a herd of very slow and fed up cows. It was bliss.

From there I headed off to Turkey with La Princess and my goodness what a culture shock that was. We ran the gauntlet of Icmeler market with herself maintaining a solid hold of my arm because the sellers were so bloody aggressive. You know what ? They would do far better to just allow people to browse than to block their way up the alleys and then hurl insults at them when they don't buy their goods. By alley number three I had had quite enough and was busy hurling insults back at them in Irish, which caught them off guard, heh heh.

I don't see why - "No, I don't want to buy your fake Chanel bag thank you, especially since it's missing the 'n'" .... should warrant a string of expletives, but there we are.

All was not lost though, we both got to fulfill a lifetime ambition, that is, to swim with dolphins. There are no other words for it, it was absolutely awesome. The power of that animal as he pulled me through the sea on his fin is something that I won't forget for a long time, I placed my complete trust in him and it was very much reciprocated as he took herself for a spin too. Anyway, the above picture is a very tender moment between us, when he swam up with great force, ground to a halt and we had a kiss, a truly magical moment.

Whilst I was away I made a concerted effort to stay away from the internet, certainly anything to do with escorting and I have to say I really enjoyed the break from all of the usual irritations. I did however, stay in touch with my "real life" friends via Facebook, or as my little darling refers to it, 'The Facetubes'.(It's a sad day when you have to give yourself a moment to consider and even understand your 10 year old's ironic statement as to the dependence of the populace in general on t'internet, and to then get to the point where you realise that's not why she said it, she said it because she thinks it's funny *sigh* ).

Anyway, on said site, one of my friends posted a link to the most horrendous story I have seen for a long time. Now, I know I'm way behind on this story so I apologise in advance, but whilst the rest of the world was catching up on the BBC headlines online, I was eyeing up the pert buttocks of the Turkish waiter who served us lunch, ( gay, definitely ).

There was a little girl who was run over in China, except this was different.

Allow me to explain it with a link here.

Forgive me in advance because I'm going to shout ( we do that in capitals on the internet, innit ).


I mean, I'm almost getting that some men won't go near a small child who has fallen over and cut their knee, lest the worst be thought of them. Let's get this into context though, this was a child who was fatally injured. SHAME on every single person who walked past that child and allowed her to continue to suffer. Also, where was her Mother ? Why was a child of that age allowed out on a public busy street by herself ? It made me sick to my stomach and as I understand it she has since died. I hope the poor wee mite rests in peace. :(

Meanwhile, I see another blogger has taken on the task of doing an analysis of Punternet field reports, have a look here.

Quite why anyone would do a statistical analysis of field reports escapes me, but it is a very interesting and honest piece with some humour thrown in too. I liked this quote -

"The women are well paid and seem happy with their choice of job and the men enjoy their punts and tend to repeat them again and again."

WHHHOOOAAAAA, you mean we're not trafficked, abused, deluded victims suffering from repressed memory syndrome meaning at some point it will all come flooding back whilst shopping in Asda resulting in an ear piercing scream ?

Feck me, the rad fems must be turning in their support tights. :D

LL xx

P.S : Speaking of reports, my favourite report of all time is here. Enjoy.

P.P.S : To the lovely gentleman who sent me an email pointing out that the picture on my last post of the warring pandas is photoshopped, I KNOW. Eegit.


  1. Hi LL,
    Great to see you back.

    Actually, at the first talk I ever gave.

    The chair introduced me, by showing a photo of me dressed up at a Rocky Horror Show. Fortunately most of the audience had a sense of humour.

    Love W.W.

  2. Bwahahahahahaha, I can just picture you too. Did you save it for memories ? xx


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