Sunday 6 April 2014

On the sex work debate - an Irish client


What has disgusted and scared me more than anything about this legislation is the deliberate lies and misinformation being fed by the abolitionists to a gullible and depressingly pliable media and political class. The blind acceptance of these supposed facts and supposed morality is incredible. I had initially and naively supposed that much of the opposition to sex work was due to a lack of understanding of the issue and an unwillingness to seek out or accept the truth. I now realise that the abolitionist agenda is infinitely more sinister and cynical, more akin to mob rule and a theocracy than a supposed democratic state.

I'm not ashamed to say that I am a purchaser of sexual services, one of those people who, despite having a criminal record consisting of two parking tickets, would be locked up if TORL and the Magdalenes had their way. Having had several devestating relationship experiences and vowed 'never again', I chose an option which was both transparent and honest for both parties -- visiting an escort.

I'll freely admit that prior to my first visit, I had, like many, a stereotypical view of those selling sex. I had vague notions of drug users, of deeply unhappy or even coerced women in filthy rooms, staring at the ceiling until the act was over. I entered the building fully prepared to walk straight out again if such ideas were true. Instead, I was greeted by a friendly, intelligent woman who calmed my nerves, provided a wonderful experience, chatted freely afterwards and left me with a renewed faith in human nature. Nothing I have experienced since has changed that view and talking and listening to sex workers has merely reinforced it.

I'm not naive enough to pretend that everything in the garden of sex work is rosy. Just because I, or those I have talked with, haven't personally encountered obvious drug users or trafficking doesn't mean they don't exist. The ladies I visit tend to be more mature (over 30) and are usually Irish or English. But what I do know is that the homogeneous, stereotypical abolitionist view of all sex workers is absolutely wrong.

Sex workers are people. They are people with families, with children, with needs and aspirations like everyone else. They have chosen that work for many different reasons, some positive, some negative. But it is not some simple issue that can be dealt with by one piece of misinformed legislation driven by fear, prejudice and hatred. Sex workers in the job by choice and trafficking victims cannot be lumped together legislatively, any more than trafficked and willing agricultural workers should be.

None of the women I have visited remotely resemble the abolitionist stereotype. A lady I met this week is a prime example. Escorting for a number of years now, she is highly intelligent and is working on a diploma to follow her university degree. She is entirely independent and genuinely loves her work. It was an absolute delight to be in her company, not only for her services but for her winning personality. For an agreed fee, we spent a wonderful, mutually fulfilling hour together. Neither of us needed to pretend that such a transaction means anything more than human companionship and the sexual act. We are two consenting adults being mutually beneficial -- financial reward for a professional service (and it IS a professional service, both physically and psychologically). I went home calm and fulfilled and I'm not ashamed to say I felt and still feel happier than at almost any time in my life.

How is this wrong exactly? Why should I be criminalised for a consenual act? Why should an escort be deprived of her income and her freedom of choice? Why should legislation based on lies, greed, one-sided consultation and a deliberate denial of reality be allowed to destroy sex workers' lives? Such legislation will decimate their good and respectful clients and leave them in genuine danger on several fronts. Sweden proves that criminalising clients doesn't get rid of sex workers or trafficking. Norway are due to vote this summer on repealing their client criminalisation law. France have allowed the proposed legislation to be indefinitely delayed in their upper house. Other countries have rejected it out of hand. Hardly surprising as it doesn't work, unless making sex workers lives a misery is somehow a measure of success.

Sex work is like any other. It has its downsides, but having worked in a vile financial institution where nervous breakdowns and even suicides were almost routine, it's hardly the worst. Sex work, if harmful at all, is hugely less so than the sale of alcohol or cigarettes. Yet sex workers are stigmatised and have their lives needlessly complicated by laws making them work alone. But that is nothing compared to the behaviour of the abolitionists. Several sex workers I have spoken to stated that they had next to no problems from clients, but unbelievable vitriol and abuse from the supposed moral guardians, many of whom have an appalling past and are in no position to judge anyone. These people need to be seen for what they are -- hypocrites dealing in lies and abuse for financial gain and control.

If we as a country give in to this kind of twisted and breath-takingly dishonest campaigning, virtually everything else is up for grabs.

The message to legislators is simple. Leave sex work alone. Stop pretending that fiction is reality. Allow the police to deal with traffickers and abusers. Give sex workers respect and help when they genuinely need it. If you're morally opposed to sex work, don't buy sexual services. And give consenting adults the basic privacy and respect they deserve.

18 comments:

  1. I know that you Laura were confronted with the 127 Dutch sex workers killed in the last 15 years statistic. You showed that it is false. On Woman's Hour last month Rachel Moran was using it to try to show that sex workers are safer in Sweden than in the Netherlands. That must have influence lots of listeners which is annoying.

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    1. It's very irritating for sure when you hear lie after lie being trotted out, but I firmly believe that the tables are turning and people are beginning to see the paid fronts for what they are. Onwards and upwards. Thanks for your comment. :-)

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  2. A fact that you seem keen to keep quiet (I doubt you will even print this) is that over 80% of women involved in sex work have at one time had a STD, if this fact was more well known we wouldnt need legislation to stop prostitution.

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    1. Complete and utter nonsense. Where is your evidence ?

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  3. That isn't nonsense, it's a fact. Anyone visiting a prostitute is taking a very real risk, even when using a condom.

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  4. Well if it's a fact, you won't mind furnishing the source of your "fact", will you ?

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  5. World health organization. Do you have a different figure? If so what is it?

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  6. Again, cite your source. I'd like to see a link. If that statistic came from the WHO, I will eat my own thong. I'm waiting.

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    1. I just told you the source, I don't have a link but if you are so keen to see it why not look it up yourself. Will you be charging for the thong eating? Your "clients" might like that.

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    2. You provided the "statistic", back it up or get out of my sight. It's really that simple.

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  7. Interesting article in guardian website by Tanya Gold which highlights the dangers of legalised prostitution. No doubt you will call it all lies though as it doesn't fit in with the agenda you are pushing.

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    1. If anyone is pushing an agenda it's Ms. Gold who chooses to focus on the negative for the entire article. Notice she doesn't once mention Charlotte in Exeter who loves her job or Dr. Magnanti who spoke about her choices and how the sex industry worked for her. I'm not suggesting for a moment (and never have) that the industry is a bed of roses. My "agenda" as you put it is to ensure that the industry is decriminalised so that we can work in safety together, that's it. I'm not asking for super brothels of women in windows, just two women like myself permitted to work in an apartment, to keep us safe. If you can't agree with me that we deserve to work in safety, then there really is nothing more I can say.

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    2. And of course paying your taxes :)

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    3. Yes I do, and have accounts prepared by an accountant going back many years.

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    4. I was only messing.

      Incidentally, I thought earning money via prostitution could get you done for living off immoral earnings?

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    5. "Controlling for gain" is an offence, working as an independent escort is not.

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  8. Buying a women's consent to sex is no consent at all. Prostitution should be made illegal.

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    1. Consent cannot be bought, it stands alone and as much as we are free to say yes, we are free to say no too. I can and have handed money back to a client and told him to get the hell out. As for your opinion on prostitution being made illegal, since that's something we're not going to agree on, why read my blog ? I'm not going to change my opinion based on 20 yrs experience just because you keep trying to undermine my position with spurious arguments and false statistics. So why bother ?

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