Thursday, 4 February 2010

Communications, Conceptions and Come Uppances

I have an I-Phone. I have truly arrived into the world of modern communications. I can surf, email and practically cook the dinner on the way home from my incall apartment, I have truly arrived. It's fair to say I was feeling very smug about my new arrival until it decided it was just going to die on me, today being day two of it's re-homing. The screen just went blank and I went into panic mode, but I have found a forum with plenty of people complaining about the same issue, so I found the work-a-round. Hurrah.

As a complete aside ..

A couple of popular misconceptions about escorts I'd like to dispel ;

( Please note I speak for myself here )

1. Escorts are sex crazed beasts who will jump on any man without due notice.

A. Erm, no. Au contraire, when I have arrived home after a particularly busy tour, all I can think about is getting into my Elmo pants and lounging about on my sofa. The very last thing I want to see is another proud erect member pointed in my general direction, thanks all the same.

2. All escorts are labouring under some form of addiction.

A. Sorry to burst your bubble again, but no. Most of the women I have met are some of the most grounded, content people I have had the pleasure to encounter. As for me, my only addictions are sleep and Farmville. ( It's a Facebook application, and yes, I am thoroughly ashamed, but I'm at level 29 now and have my own horse shed.)

3. All escorts are delusional victims trapped in a cycle of self-deceit.

A. Hmmm. It's very difficult to see who the victim is when I'm busy applying hot wax strips to my slaves's thick black hairs. Godammit, PMT never felt so good.

Next week is a very important week chez moi. The little treasure in my life turns 9 and we are having a two hour party on Saturday. To cut a long story short, I shall spend the day ferrying 6 mini-diva-princesses between the local beauty salon and a local restaurant. They are having the works done, hair, nails, and make-up, followed by a quick e-numbers top up before I hand them back to their despondent parents. Fabulous.

On her arrival home from school today, herself was holding her head rather low.

"Ok, what gives ?"

"I got a yellow card today."

( For the uninitiated,this means a docking of play time on a Friday. )

" What did you do to earn that ?"

"Well, there's a girl in my class who has special legs ... "

"Oh yes, ***** "

"Aye, well she was in the queue for school dinners and ******* tripped her up, and then his mates just stood there laughing at her."

"Right, so how do you come into this exactly ?"

"Derrr, obviously I decked him."

I know I should have read her the riot act, and I suppose I did a half hearted attempt at the whole "two wrongs don't make a right" thing, but quite honestly, I was bursting with pride. Maybe my Mother was right, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all. ;)


LL xx

1 comment:

  1. That is absolutely hysterical about your little one! I may have done something similar in my school days, but will not confirm whether or not this is the case, for fear of encouraging her.


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