Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Cross dressers and crankiness



Oh God, how awful. I'm in a hotel room in Perth after a hard day at the helm and the people upstairs have made it their business to ensure that the whole hotel knows they're having sex. I DON'T CARE, and what's more, she's sooo faking it. I have a good mind to go and knock on their door and inform them of that because any more of those fake huge exhalations and she'll need an inhaler, so really, I'm doing them a favour.

I said in my last blog that there were far more serious things to be discussed and there are, I'm just too weary and battle worn to do it tonight. Instead, I fancy a brief word on "discretion".

"Discretion" is a word you'll see bandied about on various websites, but in my case, I mean it literally. Moving swiftly on from the man in Belfast who thought he could sail through reception with a life-sized cross on his back, we come to my client this morning.

"I like to cross dress, is that a problem ?"

"Not at all, looking forward to meeting you".

I thought I was going to meet a suited and booted man with a backpack containing all the niceties he would like to change into.

Oh no.

When I opened my door ( in a quiet Perthshire hotel where every fecker is noticed ), there stood an apparition. A 6'2 man in a bright purple dress, with thick black woollen tights, a shiny and sparkling belt, black high heels and a matching black clutch bag. The look was complete with a bright red wig and matching lipstick, all topped off with huge dark sunglasses.

For a moment, I thought I was going to faint, ( you know that awful feeling of blood rushing through your ears ) but after I gathered my senses I grabbed him by the handbag strap into the room.

"ARE YOU QUITE MAD?"

"No, it's fine, I've been told I'm quite believable as a woman".

Jesus wept.

I had fully prepared myself for the eventuality that the manager was going to ask me to leave the hotel, ASAP, but when I went down for lunch he flashed me a grin and said - " No rest for the wicked, eh ?"

He's not kidding.

LL xx

6 comments:

  1. I've just been contacted by a cross-dresser who has asked if I will produce a professional photoset for him/her. No problem I thought, but he/she is insisting I shoot him/her in the college where I teach. He/she doesn't seem to understand why I might think this not a good idea

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  2. It's enough to make you start to consider self harming, isn't it ? The guys who phone from the reception of a hotel bellowing - "WHAT ROOM NUMBER DID YOU SAY LAURA ?" are bad enough, but when Perth's answer to Mardi Gras shows up, it really is laugh or cry xx

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  3. Dark sunglasses in Perth in January!!!

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  4. Sounds like an eye-catching outfit!

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  5. I'm glad you think so ! *sobs*

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