Thursday, 6 September 2012

On the subject of disabilities

(The following blog post contains graphic scenes of sexual contact with disabled persons, reader discretion is advised. If you think you may be affected by any of the content contained in this blog post, I suggest you feck off and read a blog about flower arranging instead.)

I have a client I see from time to time, let's call him 'K'. K is a young guy, very handsome, always spotlessly clean and smelling like heaven on earth. His emails send me into convulsions, he has the most amazing sense of humour and his wry observations on the topics of the day would outdo many contemporary writers.

Like most men, one of K's favourites is fellatio, he likes nothing more than for yours truly to peel off the layers down to lingerie with stockings and suspenders and get to work. He lies back in blissful abandonment, and enjoying every moment.

Every so often, I get a swift blow to the back of the head, something I'm accustomed to now. We seem to have developed a ratio around the whole experience, for every three or so thumps, there is one "sorry". K can't avoid smacking me, because he has very limited motor control of his limbs as a result of his cerebral palsy. In the end, we both usually end up in fits of laughter at the absurdity of it all, because that's all we CAN do really. How wonderful.

Many years ago and in a brothel far away came an elderly man and it's fair to say that he frightened small children (to coin a phrase) because he had developed a form of mouth cancer which back then, very little was known about. His treatment at the time involved cutting the offending tissue away, which meant that on one side of his face his cheek was missing and if you looked at him from the side, he looked like a sinister, grinning skeleton. His wife had died some time previously and as a result of his appearance he lived as a recluse, going out only every couple of days for messages. Once every couple of months though, he took a taxi to the parlour where I worked and I knew what he wanted.

I would thank him for my chocolates, light some candles and play some soft music. After that, he would drown me in baby oil and massage me from head to toe, every so often dipping his head just to inhale my perfume and bury his face into my neck. That was his treasured contact which he looked forward to so much. After about a year and a half of our appointments I moved to London but to this day I still think of him, a true gentleman in every sense of the word.

All of which leads me to the question, if the purchase of "sex" is banned, then what will become of those men who rely solely on sex workers for their needs, whatever they may be ? Can you honestly foresee a day when that elderly gent will be able to join a dating site and find a woman for a massage and a cuddle ? And what of K ? Will he ever meet a woman who can meet his needs and see beyond the exterior ?

It really angers me when I read the views of various writers who paint a picture of my clients as insatiable lust driven animals. A lack of knowledge on their subject is no deterrent to most of those critics. Let me be quite clear here, it's not a question of entitlement, not at all. No man is entitled to claim a sexual act as his right. On the other hand, I do believe that disabled clients ought to have the same opportunities as their able bodied counterparts, that's the differentiation.

If Rhoda Grant's new proposal is adopted as law, it will be a shocking indictment on just how small minded and blinkered we are as a country. It's time we recognised that not only is it impossible to "reduce demand" but also, "demand" is a very complex and multi-layered animal, as indeed is "supply", (best described as diverse in the extreme).

Frankly, were I a purchaser of "sex", I know I would find the notion of an ill-informed politician telling me what I can and can't do in the privacy of my own bedroom downright insulting. Ironically, to condemn those men I have written about to a life of solitude and loneliness on foot of a Victorian attitude towards the exchange of sexual services for money is hugely immoral in itself.


  1. Well, let's be honest, after this blog post I don't think we need to worry about K, because you are going to be INUNDATED with requests for his phone number. :o)

    Sometimes social, emotional and sexual disability is about that 5 second flash in which we form a first impression and the way it can errode the confidence of someone like K. All he really needs is a good reference, addressed not only to "whomsoever it may concern" but also to himself.

    I am going to tell you my deepest, darkest, most shameful secret now, I cannot handle a lot of forms of physical deformity. No matter what I believe, intellectually, or feel, as a human being...I cannot deal with deformity. It is where I feel I let myself down...but there is nothing I can do about it.

    Selfishly, I *NEED* to know that the people I cannot bear to look at, let alone deal with, have some basic guarantee of social and sexual acceptance somewhere, because that makes me feel better about my own failure as a human being to be able to get past the superficial.

    Writing this, something else occurs to me. What about the women, exactly like you and I inside, who are externally deformed to that extent?

    Where can they go?

    ...and...if we have our priorities on straight, should we not rather be campaigning to raise awareness of that, and encourage the provision and acceptance of, gender appropriate (because we ladies *DO* have different needs) resources for them too, than trying to take away the resources available to men, or worse, punish them for availing of those resources?

  2. Hi I found your views in your blog very moving and couldn`t agree more. I am in no way disabled but have always considered myself to be a gentleman and have the greatest respect for women.However coupled with
    this I have very low self confidence and a lack of self belief so I choose to meet with ladies who will give me the time of day without me having to initiate things and who I know will eventually give me the confidence in
    myself.Don`t get me wrong some ladies have taken the piss but a vast majority have been truly wonderful.
    I am not sure where I would be without those wonderful ladies and political correctness can`t apply when it is also therapeutic(i think that was spelt right)in so many different ways.
    just felt I had to comment
    Keep up the good work
    Take care

  3. Hi Laura,

    Thank you for your Blog on Disability.

    I have Multiple Sclerosis and my legs are buggered, so I spend most of my time in a wheelchair.

    However I am a very happy chappy.

    Part of what keeps me happy is that I see a couple of Escorts on a regular basis.

    They are fully aware of the extent of my lack of movement.I can't do fucky. fucky these days so the jump on top and bounce away 'til we both

    I especially like them to "Sit on my Face" as I can lick them to cum which is just the best. To return the pleasure they give me :)

    Stay safe and happy and keep up the good work you are doing.

  4. Laura

    I have just read your blog.

    Rhoda Grant's proposal is not a good one, but there is a real democratic deficit as by the very nature of the activity neither the providers or the buyers can really make their voices heard leaving the field open to all
    those who think paying for sex is terrible. I think most of the ladies and couples I have met really enjoy sex (and hopefully enjoyed my time
    with them)

    If anything what I took from these articles is that if there is a need to "protect" sex workers then really there is a need to change the brothel definition so two or three ladies could work together safely and legally.

    Making paying for sex a crime would raise the risk for someone like me, and might (?) stop me. It depends how it was enforced. Feedback would
    certainly be more difficult!

  5. Thank you all for your comments, I really am very grateful :)

  6. Sometimes you read an article that leaves you feeling other people are so far behind the author's level of understanding it would be best if they went and stood silently in a corner.

    I can scarce imagine anyone in the detached political class writing with such humanity, warmth and understanding.

    Ignorance of the detail is crucial to any political crusader, but I trust your work will illuminate a complex issue for everyone's benefit.

    I applaud you for an exquisite piece of writing.


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