It shouldn't happen to a call girl .......

Good morning and greetings from home where I am doing my best impression of that woman from "The Exorcist". FULL HEAD SPIN. It's been quite an eventful few days for me, to say the least. Firstly, I've had some lovely people take the time out of their day to place some pretty pathetic phone calls my way. This could be on foot of my speaking out against Trish Godman and Co, or maybe the police are less than pleased about my highlighting their behaviour on Punternet, who knows ? Funny how the male and female callers both have the same very distinctive Northern English accents; honestly some people have the intelligence of an aubergine. ;) I've let several of the review site webmasters know and they're keeping an eye out for the inevitable false field reports which will be shot down on sight. *sigh*

So why is my head spinning ? Well, I've just arrived back from my extended weekend away with my slave and it was a break away not to be forgotten for a long time. We had night number one in Glasgow at his place and I gave him a good thrashing to remind him of what he had missed. The next day we headed off to our cottage in the middle of nowhere where we were to stay for a further three nights. It was idyllic, so quiet and peaceful, bar the very tame pheasant who made himself known and squawked regularly at our door for titbits. The cottage we had booked had an outside hot tub and it was wonderful to lounge about in large fluffy dressing gowns whilst nibbling on home made shortbread and quaffing ice cold wine.

Night number two - I bid my slave goodnight and curling up beside him I fell into a deep sleep. At about 2am I heard a very strange noise, it filtered into my dreams and I began to wake. I very quickly realised the noise was coming from my slave, hereinafter referred to as "J". I switched on the bedside light and had a moment where my stomach plummeted to my toes. He was lying on his back and his breathing was very laboured. His face had turned a shade of blue/purple and there was a small pool of blood just alongside his face.

I was aware that he is diabetic, but when he started to fit violently I knew we had a major problem on our hands. Clearly, the blood had come from him biting his tongue and the gurgling noise was the accumulation of blood in the back of his throat combined with his tongue slipping back and blocking his airway. ( Thank goodness I was in St John Ambulance for years, I joined as a young teenager because my pals had joined but enjoyed it so much I stayed until I left school. )

So I dived on him, turned him on his side into the recovery position and fished his tongue out with my little finger. His breathing immediately calmed and over a period of minutes his fitting stopped, I supported his head to stop him injuring himself further. His eyes were rolling back which I knew is a sign of losing consciousness so I kept talking to him. I asked him if he knew what day it was and where he was and he was obviously very confused. I felt since he was no longer fitting and able to speak I could take two minutes to call an ambulance.

I said to him -

"J, you do realise I'm going to have to explain the nature of our relationship ?"

"Why ?"

"Because your bum is marked and if I don't explain it was consensual they'll think you've been assaulted."

"Oh, right."

In time an ambulance arrived and in all there were three paramedics, two in the ambulance and one in a car. I met the first paramedic at the door and gave him the rundown -

"This is J, he's an insulin dependant diabetic, full tonic clonic, he's bitten his tongue and is very confused. GCS was 10, now about 12. Pupils equal and reactive."

"Good on you, thanks."

We made our way through to the bedroom and they started assessing him. The older paramedic turned to me.

"Are you a doctor ?"

"Um, no."

"So are you his wife then ?"

"No. He's not married."

" You're his girlfriend then ?"

"Err, no."

"Ahhh, you're his Mistress, right ?"

Cue long knowing glances between the paramedics.

"Well, in a way, yes."

Longest pause in history.

"Look we've discussed it and you might as well know, I'm a dominatrix and J is one of my clients."

The look on the faces of the paramedics was absolutely priceless.

"Ok, do you have anything sugary in the house? "

"Yes, there's some lemonade in the kitchen."

"Ok, well tell him to drink some of that."

"He does speak English you know, you could just mention it."

"I know, I just wanted to hear you tell him 'YOU WILL DRINK IT'.

There's a time and a place for everything and I was not in the mood for fantasy role play for the benefit of a horny young trainee paramedic.

Right on cue, came this whimper from the bed -

"I'm very sorry Mistress."

"No you're not, but I tell you this, when I'm finished with you, you will be."

That seemed to satisfy the paramedics and they raced back to the station to tell their colleagues about their real life encounter with one of "those".

As for us, I insisted we take it easy the next day, just some shopping and a soak in the hot tub as we had had quite enough excitement for one trip.

I threw the odd menacing glare and growl his way, just for good measure like. Needless to say by night number four it was business as usual. ;)

LL xx