Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Thieving and Tom Hanks

I have a bit of a confession to make, I am nothing but a common thief.

In case you think I've finally lost it, I'm not talking about money or valuables, no. I have a penchant for stealing crisp white towels. I CAN'T HELP IT. I've tried to work through the reasoning for this in my head, with little or no success thusfar. Was I denied towels as a child ? No. Can I afford to buy my own bloody towels ? Of course. Be that as it may, I still have enough towels ( acquired from various four star hostelries) to start a small but flourishing bed and breakfast business. Oh, the shame.

It gets worse though, recently I have extended my repertoire to include pencils. Not just any old pencils though, only the ones with a rubber on top. ( They're awfully useful for pencilling in appointments which may change, hence the rubber requirement. ) In my defence, the towels thing started because I always like to make sure my guys have a clean towel for their shower, so I bring extra towels with me when I head off on tour. Previous statement accepted, there is still no need for 329 towels, even if I had a showering fetish I'd never get through them all. In reality I think I'd make a rubbish thief because good old Catholic guilt eats away at me sometimes and I imagine the receptionist saying as I leave ...

"There she goes, the towel thief. Some people have no standards." ( I couldn't care less if they muse about whether or not I'm an escort, but a towel thief ? Mortified. )

Anyway, I'm in Carlisle in absolutely beautiful sunshine, touring is worth it for the weather alone. ( That reminds me, I've finally thought of a good reason to write to Graham Norton, blog post to follow. ) I was watching The Graham Norton show recently and he was interviewing Tom Hanks. Now, I've always loved Tom Hanks, he is a fabulous actor, very versatile and convincing and if I'm being honest I howled at the end of "Forest Gump". Recently though, he has gone up in my estimations no end. He has this new movie out you see, which he wrote and directed himself, co-starring Julia Roberts.

So, here is a man who quite fancied several snogs with Julia Roberts and who wouldn't ? ( Does that woman EVER age ? Grrr. ) So what does he do ? He writes a film script in which she plays his love interest, not only that, but he directs the film so he can dictate how many takes he needs of each scene. Clever, huh ? Not only does he get away with snogging Julia Roberts to the point of erotic asphyxiation ( in spite of the fact he's married ) but he'll probably get a feckin' award for it too !! I can see his wife now, beaming from ear to ear with pride as she watches him bask in the glory of his achievement.

So what's next for our Tom ?

"Hey Demi, I've had the most amazing idea for a film, you and I play naked castaways on a desert island after a mass flood has killed most people and the only hope for the continuity of the species is if we do it, like, constantly."

Whatever about an award for his film, Tom Hanks should surely get an award for ingenuity.

LL xx


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