Caravans, camping and cunnilingus

So I've arrived in Inverness in one piece after a VERY long day. I'm starting to hate the A9 with a passion. Thank goodness it's coming to the end of the summer season because if I have to drive at 40mph behind Colin and Susan in their motor home for one more journey, there will be violence. I wouldn't mind, but they drive past signs which clearly say "FRUSTRATION CAUSES ACCIDENTS, PLEASE PULL IN TO ALLOW OVER TAKING." But no, on they go dreaming of the rewards they can buy with their Caravan Club loyalty points. Grrrr.

Actually camping is my idea of hell in a shell. I love going to music festivals and sloshing around in mud and wellies, provided I have a warm hotel room and shower to go back to afterwards. Why on earth would anyone actually pay money to lie on a plastic sheet for the night and get eaten alive by things that crawl ? No thank you. On a much brighter note I've booked my holiday for six weeks from now to Majorca for myself and my mini-teenager and I can't wait. Sun lounger for Mum, kids club and pool for the wee 'un. Heaven. I would add a comment about delicious waiters too, but that would be a busman's holiday and part of the fun of holidays for me is resembling Norah Batty and really letting go. Ahem.

Speaking of letting go, yesterday I met a man who must have attended an advanced workshop for cunnilingus because I had my thighs clamped so hard around his cheeks that I thought he was going to have to thump me to let go. It was a sheer delight and the very definition of job satisfaction. Actually, he got off on the right foot with me with his initial email ;

"Hi Laura, my name is David and I wondered if you might be available for a one hour outcall to my hotel at say, 8pm ? My mobile number is ************** and I'd be grateful if you would contact me via text only as I'm in meetings most of the day."

Perfect. I just wish other guys would follow suit. The above email may seem standard to you but to we ladies of nocturnal pursuits it is almost enough to bring us to an involuntary climax. You see, the emails we get vary in quality from the above to -

"Wot u up to babes ? Want sum hot fun."

"How much and were u at ?"

"U do cars ?"

"Hey u lookin fir a male to work wit ? I'm seven inches hun."

It pays to be an attractive woman to do my job but it is absolutely essential to have a sense of humour.

Tomorrow is another day and Amanda and I are looking forward to seeing our strapping men fae Inverness after which we plan to treat ourselves to a nice meal out and some chill out time. I love the time we spend together, we always have such a giggle and if one of us is feeling down the other one is always there to pour a nice glass of wine and talk her touring buddy down from the roof of The Ramada.

Good friends are hard to find, especially in this industry and there are times I truly don't know what I'd do without her. :)

Nite,

LL xx