Thursday, 20 August 2009

Dundee, Duos, Discretion & Dollymopp

Greetings from a very warm and stuffy hotel room in Dundee. It's been a very long day and Amanda and I are unwinding with a cool glass of wine. ( Well actually, she's watching a cat yodelling video on the net, as you do. ) Over dinner tonight we made a monumental decision, we are going to Amsterdam to work for a couple of days, hurrah !! We are both in touch with a lady that works there regularly and she is going to help us in the right direction so The Antiques Roadshow is going global. :)

Our day started off tremendously well with a rather hyperactive and impossibly cute man who had booked a duo. He couldn't come for the life of him, it was his first time to have some bedroom frolics with two girls but he declared loudly that if he was going to pay £150 for half an hour with the two of us then he was bloody well going to stay until the very last minute, even if we all played ludo for the remaining time. He eventually limped off to a job interview with a hard on that would put an Indian Teepee to shame.

I had a bit of a shock this morning whilst watching Sky News. I was idly putting my make-up on casting half an eye on the TV when I spied one of my clients, jumping up and down like a loony. There's nowt unusual in that until I realised that the reason he was doing his best impression of Zebedee is because he is the manager of a football club, and they are doing rather well at the moment. HOLY FECK !! I sat there staring at the telly for the longest time. Yep, it's definitely him all right, I'd know that cheeky grin and backside anywhere. It's a good thing I value discretion so highly, I tell thee.

Speaking of discretion, about two months ago or so I hired a hotel room in Glasgow for the day and did incalls. A lovely older gentleman called me and although he couldn't make it that day he begged me to see him early the following morning. As you know, mornings and I go together like gangbangs and Mary Whitehouse, but nevertheless I agreed as he sounded such a gent. Having finished my incalls for the day I decided to so a bit of shopping, as is my birth right as a woman. I spied the most crass basque I have ever seen in my life. It's leopard print and if Bet Lynch ever became an escort it would be her attire of choice. I HAD to have it.

Come the next morning and I bounced out of bed and got ready to see my guy. He arrived just on time and as I welcomed him into the room I placed the "Do not disturb" sign on the door. He had some issues which meant the only way he could have sex was with me on top, so I climbed aboard and was gyrating with gusto when I thought I heard a faint knock. My client didn't flinch so I thought it must have been my imagination.

With that, the door flew open and in marched a foreign cleaning lady. She screamed, I gasped, and my client burst out laughing. I appraised the situation in lightning quick time and thought there was absolutely no point in trying to bullsh*t my way out of this one. I was a 30 something woman performing vigorous cowgirl on a man in his eighties and what's worse, I was in leopard print. If there was ever a stereotypical picture of a sex worker doing what she does best, this was it.

I smiled sweetly.

"If you wouldn't mind leaving us for a couple of moments, we shouldn't be too much longer I'd imagine."

She was carefully studying the wall by the door.

"Sorry Madam."

"I should bloody think so."

Afterwards I cornered her in the corridor and reminded her that I had placed the "Do not disturb" sign on the door. Err, no I hadn't, it was a different sign on the other side of it which said "Please service my room". I'm quite sure it's not the kind of service she had in mind, but my client said it was the best laugh he'd had in years.

I really meant it when I said it's laugh or cry sometimes.

Finally, I've just been reading Dollymopp's blog about some idiot who's accused her of faking her own reports. What a TWAT. Just because Dolly sees gentlemen who can spell and have a good command of the English language they've all been made up ? I think not, I've known Dolly for a number of years now and quite apart from being one of the loveliest people you could meet she is also a lady of high integrity and standards. Really successful escorts ( as she is ) don't need to write their own reports, her site is the best in the UK as far as I'm concerned and her reputation speaks for itself.

There's a link to Dolly's blog here :

I agree with her that there are a lot of idiots about but you know what ? I choose to ignore the bitchy swipes because there is always jealousy at the base of it. So keep your chin up girl and flash that beautiful smile. Oh, and you ROCK too. :)

LL xx

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