Thursday, 13 August 2009

Face-sitting, Firemen and Fibrillating moments


So I've arrived in Aberdeen and am in one piece. Amanda and I have been having a riot here, the laughs that we have on tour make our "work" seem so much more like play. We had a "Personal Services" moment yesterday, I had a guy in for domination and he really likes face sitting. Amanda was caressing his boy bits with her leather clad boot whilst I (literally) smothered him with my curvy but perfectly formed bottom.

"He's in insurance you know".

"Is he ?"

"Yes, I'm about to give him some FSA regulations he'll never forget".

It has become my mission in life to make Amanda giggle during duos and so far my success rate has been rather high. It has been really exceptionally busy here, so tonight we treated ourselves to a meal out and very nice it was too. I'm looking forward to sinking into the memory foam mattress I have here, it's heaven.

Speaking of sleeping, it has often been said by those who know me well that I would sleep on a washing line and I'm afraid it's true. I would sleep through anything. It reminds me of when I lived in London years ago in Willesden Green. There were three Irish lads living in the flat downstairs from me who were slaves to the beer, especially at weekends. ( They were also a "sleeper" IRA Unit, but I digress ) I often went out with them to "The Spotted Dog" which was our local if I wasn't working. At the time I was working in a hostess bar in Holborn and would often roll in at 4 or 5 am. One night I arrived home at 2am which was early for me, had a glass of wine and jumped into bed.

Some time later I heard the front door go combined with raucous laughter and smiled as I knew it meant the lads were back from their night out. Later in the evening, one of them decided to make chips in the kitchen and promptly fell asleep on their sofa. The whole kitchen went up and you can just imagine the noise outside, two units of London Fire Brigade combined with God knows how many residents in pyjamas all shouting and screaming and where was I ? Snoring away, blissfully unaware.

I'll never forget the sight that greeted me when I opened my eyes. One of the firemen had to literally shake me awake and I thought all my birthdays had come at once. Sadly, all he wanted was to get me out of the house. :(

I had a bit of a near miss lately with my little princess. I think I need to appreciate the fact that she's 8 now and notices things and takes them in. She thinks I'm a tour rep and I meet groups of people at the airport and show them around Scotland. I was packing my bag for Aberdeen when she said to me "Why do you need nappy bags for a tour ?" EEK !! The reason we ladies of negotiable virtue carry said items with us on tour is because it's a hygienic and convenient way to dispose of the products of passion, especially if you're working from a hotel and don't want to leave a very interesting bin for the cleaning staff that clearly screams, "ESCORT!!"

So, once again, I was faced with the task of thinking quickly and if I do say so myself, I really outdid myself this time. I gave her an incredulous look whilst considering my reply ....

"Well, if I have children on the tour bus who need to upchuck, they're very useful because I can hook one handle over each ear and they're good to go."

"Aaaaah, ok."

Phew. It's a good job ingenuity comes almost naturally, I tell thee.

LL xx

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