Thursday, 8 October 2009
Hotels and Holidays
It's been a very strange couple of days. Very few of my clients have been vanilla. I had a call yesterday from a guy who said " I like to dress up". Now to seasoned escorts that can mean anything from women's lingerie to the full "gimp" experience so I decided to keep an open mind. To put it more accurately, I decided to be naughty and not ask him what he meant by that so as to maintain the element of surprise.
When I opened the door I was greeted by a 6 foot Adonis who wouldn't have looked out of place as a centrefold in Playgirl, in fact it was all I could do to stop myself uttering the mantra " Never underestimate the power of prayer."
That prayer, such as it was, would have been a short lived experience because he emerged from the bathroom resplendent in what can only be described as a pink babydoll with white hold ups which clung to his dark, masculine hair. I have his full permission to share that info with you, it was one of those moments in my career when I had to try and say the appropriate thing and as usual I failed miserably. " My, don't you look... erm ....." It was a very sexy couple of hours mind you.
It cheered me up because I was in an ( ahem ) compromised mood yesterday. I was struggling to finish my assignment in between appointments and as it was so stuffy I had the hotel window open full blast. Outside there was the loud banter of a group of builders regaling each other with tales of sex that never actually happened, and in the corridor the Polish chamber maids were listening to Radio 1 full blast and shouting at each other room to room. It was all I could do to stop myself bellowing " DO YOU FECKING MIND, I'M TRYING TO WHORE AND STUDY AT THE SAME TIME." You could have taken my photo yesterday and used it in an advertising campaign for evening primrose oil. Actually, I can see it now; "Just £3 a month can stop this unbearable face, pick up the phone and donate now."
Today was my Glasgow incalls day it was so busy it was unreal. Apparently Cliff Richard is staying at same hotel but since I have no real desire to meet him I didn't hang about and besides, he's hardly likely to be propping up the bar 'til 2am. I met a man who's been trying to see me for while and I think he's glad his patience paid off because we both really enjoyed ourselves and I introduced him to the joys of my spanking paddle. I sent him off into the Glasgow evening with a big smile and a red backside. I also met a very sexy and very stressed lawyer and he went back to his workload with a considerably brighter outlook on life, hehe.
As for me, I'm off on my holidays tomorrow and I can't wait. I am completely and utterly exhausted, although my studies are up to date so I can go with an easy mind. My ironing pile now has some reinforced scaffolding alongside it but I'm past caring, I've come to the conclusion that it's a treat I can afford so when I come back I'm going to find a regular and reliable ironing lady. I arrive back on Sunday of next week and on Monday I'm straight back on the road, up to Aberdeen until Friday.
I'm so looking forward to the break, no dishes to clean up, no washing, no make-up, no waxing, nowt. It's also a valuable time for me and the little 'un to spend together or more specifically, for me to get revenge for all the times she's grated on the last remaining two nerves I have. I'm horrified to say that they don't have "lovely legs" competitions any more but they do have karaoke competitions and last year I won a bottle of wine for singing "Private Dancer". Singing the lyrics of the song was very strange and I'm sure I caught a knowing glance or two from the male fraternity. The little princess didn't care, I'm sure she was just relieved I didn't do my sparkling rendition of the "Spitting Image" song again.
All together now ....
Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose,
Fly a jumbo jet, and bury all your clothes ...
I better get going on this holiday before some well meaning member of the public has me sectioned.