Majorca and Musings

So I've arrived back from Majorca in one piece and it was absolutely fantastic. Most of time we had glorious sun with the occasional overcast day. We checked in on Sunday night and my little delight jumped straight into her swimsuit and I think I met her in the corridor circa Tuesday.

Because she's still 8, we had to sit through the evening's "entertainment" program at the hotel which was so bad it was good, if that makes any sense. Actually, towards the end of the week I became really quite aggressively competitive with the bingo and growled at the over - 60's Sunshine Tour, but it was to no avail and I won nothing. Anyway, the night I was waiting for with baited breath came, yes it was Karaoke night and I layered on my mascara with gusto. It was the end of a long week for the holiday reps and I think they had run out of the will to live as well as decent prizes. I took a brief look around at the crowd and thought that since we were quite possibly the only people under 65, "Touch Me, I Wanna Feel Your Body" by Samantha Fox probably wasn't the way to go. It would have been funny as hell though. No, instead with a heavy heart, I launched into "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and it went down a storm. All of the blue rinse brigade were on their feet, linking arms and swaying to the music whilst singing along tunelessly. Following enthusiastic shouts of "MORE" one of the reps jumped on stage with me and we did a belting version of "Don't go breaking my heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee. So finally, I won that elusive prize. A blue knitted Thomson the Dog mobile phone sock. I'd put it on Ebay but I'm too embarrassed.

The next morning I almost choked from all the enthusiastic smacks on the shoulder blades I got at breakfast from over enthusiastic pensioners and I must say I glowed with pride. See, as awful as it sounds ( and in many ways it was like "Phoenix Nights" in the sun ) I absolutely loved it, because the time will come when herself will be locked in her room dressed all in black "totally rejecting society man" so I intend to enjoy the wonderful years, when she announces loudly to her pals, " That's my Mum on the stage, isn't she cool ?" Long live cool Mums.

So straight from my holiday I literally dumped my suitcase's contents into the wash basket, filled it up again with fresh frillies and headed off on tour to Aberdeen, where I am tonight. It feels quite strange to be struggling down the road to the local shop to pick up some things with Amanda against uber strong winds with a glowing tan. Hmmmm.

My new text books arrived for the next section of my Uni course whilst I was away and all I can say is fugger. ( That's not quite a curse by the way, because it's two words together, see ? ) They resemble the phone book so it's goodbye to late nights on the internet and faffing about on various message boards. It's time to introduce some discipline to my life which feels rather strange, as for a number of years the only discipline in my life involved my thigh high boots and nipple clamps.

Aside from that, I've just organised my tour dates for November and they're now on my site. Following extensive nagging ( sorry, gentle persuasion ) I will be visiting London in early December to do a Christmas shopping trip cunningly disguised as a tour, so for those of you who have been enquiring, as soon as I'm finished this blog I'm off to the laterooms site to see what I can find.

Finally I thought I'd leave you with this wonderful quote from a book Amanda gave me a loan of entitled " Sex Tips for Husbands and Wives from 1894".

"Whilst sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured ... One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten ; give little, give seldom and, above all, give grudgingly... "

Amen to that, because the begrudged ( and sometimes their partners ) keep my diary busy. ;)

LL xx