Sunday, 31 May 2009

Sunshine, Neds and Jeremy Kyle


I'm back in Ayr, if only for a couple of days before I head off to Dundee. What a journey back I had. The sun was beating down and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the little lambs skipping about the fields. They're soooo cute and if I hear one more smart remark about mint sauce I'll lose the plot. When I went back to my old home town the other day I also had to chance to meet one of my pal's brand new additions to the family, an 8 day old baby boy and he's just divine. One of the reasons I love this time of year is it's full of new life and promise and the sun tends to put even the grumpiest of people in good form. Hell, even our time wasters/heavy breathers are more chirpy.

You've got to love Scottish Springs/Summers. When I got home this evening I decided to get some study done and as it was so lovely I took a blanket out into the garden to catch some sun, whilst my "pocket rocket" was practising her gymnastics and generally antagonising the neighbours. Even the local neds were in great form, strolling around in the sunshine stripped to the waist enjoying long cool refreshing sips of Buckfast, and that was just the girls. By the way, at the back of the row of houses where I live is a lane way, often inhabited by my Burberry clad friends at the weekends and the mating call of the lesser spotted garden variety ned is enough to make you want to self-harm. Ho hum.

After my brief but pleasant interlude in the garden I decided to tackle the pile of mail that was waiting for me after a week away. Why do on-line catalogue companies persist in increasing my "limit" ? Yes, I know I'm a good customer and always pay on time, but take pity on a helpless woman who disregards "limits" as an inhibitor and sees them more as a challenge ! I have a wonderful idea for an invention, a breath detector attached to a laptop that detects when the user is over the legal limit for driving. In this case though, it will initiate immediate lap-top shutdown and prevent purchases of garments that you wouldn't wear to a fetish club, never mind to your Aunty's 60th birthday. *sigh*

As a complete aside, Amanda and I have made a momentous decision. We are going on "The Jeremy Kyle Show". Panic not, I don't mean as guests but as audience members. Let me explain. It's become part of our morning routine on tour to make breakfast and answer our emails with the show on in the background. For those of you who have never seen the show it's about as mentally challenging as an omnibus edition of "Teletubbies", but very entertaining all the same. Honestly, suddenly your own problems seem minute in comparison to the poor girl who's suddenly found out that her partner is in actual fact a woman/eunuch/goat and further, that they have a hamster fetish. So Amanda and I just want to enjoy the theatrical side to it all, the boos and cheers and also to be the first audience members to be forcibly ejected. LOL. It's filmed in Manchester so we'll probably combine it with a tour and if nothing else it will be a laugh and a half.

On that note, I'm off to bed, to think about how best to employ our cunning plan.
T-shirts with our website addresses emblazoned thereon maybe ?

Laura x

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