Monday, 20 July 2009
Call centres and climaxes
I may be going out on a limb here, but I think when applying for a job at a call centre you need to display a sense of humour akin to a tortoise to be successful. The Banks have, in the main learnt their lesson on "out-sourcing" their call centres because people voted with their feet. People in Irvine do not want to discuss the details of their credit card with people in India. I hate call centres with a passion and try to avoid them as much as I can by doing almost everything online. Today I had the displeasure of calling one and my temper was almost ignited immediately with the old favourite -
"Your call is important to us, please hold".
Err, no it's not because if it was that important to you, you'd hire more people to answer the feckin' phone.
However, it is a huge amount of fun when you do get through eventually and wind them up. Like when they ask "How are you doing today ?" Like they care. Humph.
A good response I've found to that is "Well since you've asked, I'm premenstrual and having a fat day, my mother is getting on my nerves, my cat has just upchucked in the hall and I've just blocked my washing machine with the underwire from my favourite bra."
The ensuing silence is fantastic.
What would it be like if escorts started the same approach ? Dear God ....
To make a booking press 1.
To masturbate on the phone whilst looking at my pictures press 2.
To enquire as to my availability when you're drunk at 4am press 3.
To put me on loudspeaker to amuse all your mates press 4.
To ask me to sell you my used underwear press 5.
To tell me I'm evil and am going to hell press 666.
To ask me if I'll drop by your stag night and do ALL your mates press 7.
It just doesn't work does it ?
Anyway, I'm just back from my GP's surgery. That man is in dire danger and he needs to told. See, one of these days I will be waiting for him in a dark laneway around the back of his surgery where I am going to take his clothes off with my teeth. He is GORGEOUS.
He knows I'm an escort and I told him I'm off to Edinburgh on Wednesday to tour and he assured me that the worst is over for me flu wise, apparently the incubation period is when you're contagious, and since they've given up trying to contain it now .......... blah blah .... I wasn't listening anymore as I was too busy watching his beautiful lips form the words.
Then the words I was waiting to hear, "I think I'll just give you the once over anyway".
( YEEEESSSS, never underestimate the power of prayer )
"Could you loosen your top for me ?"
(Are you having a larf, there's a reason I have a black satin bra on )
So he slipped his hands deftly around the back of my neck ( T mobile hotspot, right there ) and used his hands which were deliciously cold to check my back and chest, or should I say heaving busom because I was quite deliberately spilling out of my bra, hehe.
And then the final nail in the proverbial coffin lid ....
"Just look directly at me whilst I check your glands".
He sat directly opposite me cupped my face with his hands and with a grin said "It all looks pretty good to me". Damn him to hell, he knows I find him unbearably sexy. So all in all I came so close to an involuntary climax today it was unreal. Roll on my next serious illness so I can go back and see him, LOL.
Ok I'm off to test out my new rechargable batteries and pack my frillies for Edinburgh.