Thursday, 2 July 2009

Driving Miss Daisy

It's 12.40 am and I can't sleep, this heat is killing me.

I'll put some thoughts down in words and hopefully I'll bore myself sufficiently so as to nod off. I drove home from Aberdeen today in the blistering heat with the windows down and Girls Aloud blaring, it was very enjoyable to just have some "me" time. I love singing, I used to sing with my sister at weddings and funerals years ago, ( I'm Alto, thanks for asking ) but I really need to remember that my windows are down when I'm slowing down or going through roadworks. So to the workmen that gave me a round of applause on the A9 today, you're welcome.

I call on my regular readers to join me in a petition to number 10, mandatory re-testing of all drivers over the age of 65. I do a lot of driving, and whilst I'm not saying I'm a perfect driver by any manner of means, I certainly have good control over the car and get to where I need to go without allowing the moss attach itself to my wheels. (Amanda calls me Ms. Stigg)

Today I got caught behind Beryl and Eunice out for a drive and the longer it went on, the more I could feel my temples pulsating in temper. Look ladies ( and I sincerely doubt you'll ever read this ) if you want to drive your car at 25mph in a 60 mph zone, that is absolutely your perogative, but for the love of God get out of the way of those of us who want to get home before Easter 2010. I doubt they put the car into third gear, ever.

Thinking about old ladies and driving today got me thinking about my Nan, bless her. I come from a very strong matriarchal family and for many years my Nan was the head of the family in that respect. What she said went, end of, and whilst others thought she was a cantankerous old boot ( a title she cherishes by the way ) I thought she was wonderful. We were always very close, she was my Godmother as well as my good friend and I named my daughter after her. She's still alive, but very frail and I don't even want to think about when she's gone.

The reason she popped into my head today is because years ago, ( where I come from ) the powers that be decided that there were too many people waiting for a driving test and licence, so they had an amnesty. My Nan was one of the lucky recipients. Suffice to say what followed was 50 years of utter terror on the roads whilst she set about causing pile-ups and near fatalities every where she went, blissfully unaware. She was absolutely clueless about lane discipline, the rules of the road and as far as she was concerned road signs were a waste of tax payers money.

I kid you not, she would approach a roundabout, grit her teeth and shout "GO", before launching herself out into the middle of the traffic. It was a never ending source of amusement when she would turn to me and say " That b*stard, beeping at me at my age". Hmmm, perhaps the fact that she had almost wiped out the poor guy and his entire family might have some bearing on it. The piece de resistance came when she hit a Mercedes. Not just any Mercedes, Oh no. That which belonged to one of the most influential and quite frankly horrible auctioneers from my local town. I said to her at the time, "For God's sake Nan, didn't you see him coming ?" She said " Oh no, it was parked at the time". Dear God. Suffice to say by the time we took her off the road, her insurance premiums were high enough to warrant a 17 year old boy racer driving a souped up Ferrari.

I'm happy to report that she's now 87 and although she's in a Home, she's still giving everyone around her tons of grief. What a woman.

Nite, LL xx

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