Friday, 24 July 2009

Paramedics, parents and pooches

So I'm back from Edinburgh and I had a blast. I've not toured there for some time prior to that and I was really busy, I met some wonderful guys, even the darling man who has recently had a hip replacement and nearly tumbled off the end of my bed, EEK !! A combination of me diving beneath him and his regaining his own balance saved the day, thank Gawd for that. Imagine trying to explain that one to the paramedics, " Now I know what it looks like with him in his underpants and me in head to toe PVC, but actually ... " Let's not even go there.

I nearly upchucked with the fright when I saw the reception area of the hotel, it was no bigger than my loo. Discretion was going to have to be key but in the end it worked out ok, my guys just strolled through the place and came straight to my room. I also met a lovely guy who took the time out before our appointment to email me a physical description but I still wasn't quite prepared for the gentle giant at my bedroom door. Nevertheless we had an amazing time and he has done a field report for me ....

Here's the link :

Thank you, it was truly a pleasure. ;)

Speaking of gentle giants I am visiting Aberdeen next week and will be working with the one and only 6ft TartanDoll. I've known her for a while and she is one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet, she would do anything for anyone and she has a heart of gold. Having said that, she is also, in a nutshell, CHAOS. Amanda is well used to my OCD by now and she knows I like the apartment kept clean and just-so when I'm touring, but when Tartan Doll is about, it looks like an explosion in an Ann Summers shop. So it will be interesting to say the least, LOL. The other good thing about Tartan is that she is a beautiful cook so I'm hoping she'll show me some recipies and in return I'll clean. 'Tis fair enough.

After Aberdeen it's on to Inverness for a couple of days and then I am officially on holidays, hurrah !! I'm off home for 5 days to spend some time with my clan and I can't wait to see everyone, not least my Dad. He is hysterically funny or to put it another way, a couple of fries short of a happy meal. He's retired now and lives in a small country town. He has chosen to involve himself in some of the local committees etc, not because he gives a damn about the "Country Ramblers Working Action Group" but because it alleviates the boredom and besides, he loves to wind them up. Recently he was at one of their "crucial" meetings and afterwards everyone was stood around enjoying the Reverend's tea and home made scones, you get the picture. Pinkies were being raised with delicate china cups with gusto. He bellowed to one of the local farmers, "I'll HAVE YOU KNOW I AM A PRACTISING HETEROSEXUAL AND HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS". Apparently there was an audible group gasp and several members of said committee are still not speaking to him. LOL.

Thinking about holidays today got me thinking about the worst one I ever had in Tunisia, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I had blonde hair at the time and because we were strolling around in shorts and tee shirts the local men thought it was ok to come up and touch my hair, bleurgh. There were feral cats all around the hotel who were covered in festering boils and blisters and they peed in the hotel's corridors, the smell was unmerciful. Aside from that there child prostitutes touting for business outside the hotel in full view of the staff who were apparently oblivious,it was horrible, I'm guessing some of them were no older than my little princess now. Worst of all though was my ex-b*stard who thought it might be amusing to try and sell me to the local men for three camels. He nearly had a deal too. I went absolutely mental,four camels and some home grown weed at least, surely ?

Tomorrow I'm off to visit one of the pooches I sponsor and I can't wait to see him. He's a rescue pitbull and is covered in scars, it breaks my heart. For the life of me I cannot understand how anyone could derive pleasure from watching two dogs tear each other to shreds, it makes me sick to my stomach. He'll never be re-homed because he's great with people but if he sees another dog he loses the plot, so the rescue centre is where he'll finish out his days. I chose him because all the other dogs were cute and fluffy and probably attract lots of sponsors whereas one look at him would have you running screaming for the hills. He knows me now and bounces about when he sees me, most probably because he knows I'll have something nice in my pocket for him. Personally I would love a pooch but it just wouldn't be fair because I'm away so much.

Speaking of all things unfair, the stand off in our house tonight was a cracker.

"I'm phoning childline".

"That's absolutely fine, just once you know you'll be laughed off the phone, it's for children who are being neglected or abused, not for precocious 8 year olds who are having a hissy fit because they're not allowed Toblerone at 9pm. "

"What's precocious ?"


I'm off to have a glass of cool white wine and to congratulate myself on not throttling my little darling.

LL xx

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