Drunks and Discounts

Good evening and greetings from Ayrshire where I've arrived back from my Christmas break. I'd like to say I'm refreshed but actually I'm shattered, I had a horrendous journey back through ice and snow with deer bouncing about too, it felt like an endurance test more than a drive which I normally enjoy.

I boarded the boat in Belfast and noticed a very drunk man with a bemused looking Jack Russell on a length of rope making a nuisance of himself at the Ferry Terminal. To my horror, they let him on. As the journey continued he became very aggressive and confrontational to the point where the staff had to ask him to pipe down and sit down. When he started nutting the bar in protest because the staff wouldn't serve him any more alcohol, it became far too much for those of us who weren't drinking because we had long drives ahead of us and were trying to catch forty winks. Suddenly an announcement came " If there is a member of the Police on board, could they please make contact with Guest Services. " Ferking hell, that kind of announcement is usually only heard when someone is in need of medical attention.

Some fifteen minutes passed, followed by another announcement. " Ladies and Gentlemen, due to a disruptive passenger we will have to turn back to Belfast so that the local Police force can remove the passenger in question." I heard that and thought "Eh ?", so I approached the reception desk.

"Err, can't you restrain him like they do on flights ?"

"Not really, we would have to take him back to Belfast anyway. There is a policeman on board but he is off duty and doesn't have the means to restrain him."

I indulged myself in a deep sigh coupled with some quick thinking.

"Ok, I'd rather it wasn't advertised, but I have some handcuffs in my car below deck if you need them."

( I toyed with the idea of telling them about the other wonderful restraints I had in 'that' suitcase in the boot of my car, but decided the time wasn't right or appropriate )

Cue several eyebrows raised so high they could plug the Ozone layer. Hell, I was just trying to help.

In the end, turn back we did and I didn't get to port until 12am and then home on black ice at 2am. Oh joy.

*sigh*

Thanks to everyone who sent me emails about my Sis, she's doing ok, staying positive and has an operation scheduled for the first week in Feb, so only time will tell. :) I'm trying not to dwell on it and buy into her positivity.

Ok, on to the next subject; pricing changes. I have changed my incall rate for one hour to £150, two hours will be £250, three hours £350 and so on. This is in keeping with industry norm and is a reflection of the fact that wherever I am seeing you on an incall basis, it's always a rented property so I need to consider my costs. Before you go off the boil, let me just point out that I have changed the pricing for a dinner date from £450 to £350, so that's 4 hours in total including dinner. Also, for the month of January I am having a "January Sale" ( Gawd, how crass ) on overnight bookings and they will be £550. So it's not all bad. :)

I'll leave you with a conversation I had with my Dad over Christmas.

Dad and I have this game where we try to out - gross each other and to date the score is pretty much 50 : 50.

"So Dad, how's the sex life, anything occurring ?"

"Oh you know, I get by."

"Right, so none then. Why don't you pay for it like everyone else ?"

"That's not even remotely amusing."

It was though.

Nite,

LL xx

Disability and Desires

Good evening and greetings from home where I'm getting ready for a last very busy period before my Christmas break. I had an outcall tonight which I thoroughly enjoyed once we got over the initial arrangements. My client had left specific instructions that the front door would be open and to lock the door behind me. I was to make my way through to the bedroom where he would be lying on the bed in wait, in his boxer shorts. My fee would be on a side table. After we indulged in an hour's fun and he climaxed twice, he gave me a lovely hug and a smile. The scenario he had described was not part of some bizarre ritual or fantasy, he has Cerebral Palsy.

We had a chat afterwards and he told me that he has encountered many ladies who were unwilling to see him simply due to his disability. I was very saddened to hear that, but he said as far as he's concerned it's their choice. Hmmm, I suppose it is their choice but for me personally, I don't care if a client has two heads provided he is clean and respectful towards me. I suppose it's worth mentioning at this point that my incall premises in Glasgow is fully wheelchair accessible and I am delighted to welcome disabled visitors. I also have experience in moving and lifting disabled people so as my client reminded me tonight, I will update my website to that effect in the next couple of days.

I have also joined this website :

http://www.tlc-trust.org.uk/

The TLC Trust aims to put sex workers in touch with disabled clients and has gone a long way towards dispelling much of the taboo around disability and sexuality. As I said to my guy this evening, disabled people have needs too, and I personally derive a huge amount of pleasure from my client's pleasure, especially when it has taken him so long to find someone willing to look after his needs.

From the TLC website, here is why the role of the escort / sex worker is so vitally important to the disabled person :

1) Blind people visit massage parlours in order to “see” beautiful bodies by massaging them.

2) Many disabled men and women are sexually abused when young, by family members, care workers, health professionals and priests. As a result, they may experience mental anguish and physical pain during sex as adults. Sex workers teach them how to relax and enjoy pain-free sex.

3) Deaf-blind people sometimes need to be taught how to pleasure themselves using physical instruction, and sex workers are brought in to supply this service.

4) Stroke survivors may become isolated whilst being unable to speak, a situation which can last for many years. Sex workers are on call to provide their expertise in non-verbal communication (as discussed at the Different Strokes AGM 2007 www.differentstrokes.co.uk).

5) Spinal injured people who have high levels of paralysis, and cannot touch the parts of their body that still have sensation, are provided with massage and sexual attention to re-learn sexual pleasure and live fulfilled lives. This important branch of specialist sex work is still not recognised by spinal injury units, but operates independently.

6) People with Parkinson's Disease often become very highly sexed and, when they have no outlet, and their arms are too weak to manage to masturbate, live in perpetual frustration. The services of sex workers are essential although may be beyond their financial means. It is inhumane not to offer financial assistance in these cases.

7) Disabled couples who cannot manage to get into the right positions and achieve intercourse are helped by sex workers who act as “enablers”. This only happens in a handful of residential homes, due to objections from other residents, relatives, prudish staff and even members of the governing board who should have their residents' wellbeing as their prime concern.

8) People in residential homes get cheered up when striptease evenings are organised. It is a chance to look at beautiful bodies, appreciated both by the male and female residents who choose to attend the show.

9) People with cerebral palsy who have no control over their limbs may need help to enjoy masturbation and sexual pleasure. This has many important benefits including reducing spasticity when, after the second orgasm, people who normally have no speech can actually talk for a few minutes.

10) When a clinical judgement has been made that someone with learning disabilities does not have the mental capacity to consent to sex, that person is condemned to a life without sexual contact with other people. It has been argued by lawyer John Blandford that if somebody has the ability to express sexual feelings and desires something other than masturbation, then they would have sufficient capacity for a sex worker to be booked. As the current law stands, however, they may even be deprived something as harmless as an anal dildo, which puts them at risk because, without it, they might shove something dangerous into their backside, which could disappear up inside, and/or cause damage.

11) Severely disabled people who cannot invite sex workers into their homes need to visit wheelchair accessible brothels that provide hoists and facilities for them to enjoy sex. It is thus essential that Britain has such a brothel in each city to meet this demand.

12) Sex workers become sexual physiotherapists for people who have had hip replacements, teaching them ways to enjoy sex without pushing the new hip out of joint.

13) Sex workers teach quadriplegics how to cope with autonomic dysreflexia during sexual activities.

14) Young people who are not expected to live very long, such as people with Duchene Muscular Dystrophy often feel that they want to have sex before they die, and sex workers provide such a service. In 2007, a Channel 5 TV programme featured Nick Wallis who persuaded the nuns and nurses in his respite home to organise a sex worker for him, and this was discussed in the Guardian and other media as a “good thing”. www.guardian.co.uk/society/2007/jan/15/health.socialcare

15) Sex workers encourage clients to gain the skills and confidence to find loving partners, and do a lot of teaching. Some even specialise in people whose disabilities make it very difficult to socialise and successfully ask someone out, such as people with Aspergers and other neuro-diversity.

16) Because many people with learning disabilities cannot read and forget what they are told, sex workers provide a valuable service teaching them safer sex practices.

17) Many disabled people and people with stammers suffer self-doubt, even self-dislike. They find that a sex worker can help change this around so they begin to accept and even love themselves, which is a positive step towards social acceptance and finding a partner.

18) Sex workers provide expertise to disabled people who have no other way of finding out what sexual pleasures their bodies are capable of.

19) Some sex workers use hypnosis to help disabled people who are stuck with negative sexual values and unsure about their sexuality.

20) Sex workers provide intimate friendship for single dying people. This good work is hindered by the fact that there is no provision for privacy for the service in British hospitals.

21) Sex workers provide experiences for disabled people who are unsure about their sexual orientation and have no other opportunities for experimentation.

22) Sex workers provide disabled people with the chance to try out various sex toys to enable them to find which one is best for them to enjoy sex, without having to waste money in a sex store.

23) Sex workers teach people who use catheters and have ostomies the best way to handle them during sex.

24) Because of limited opportunities, and inappropriate or lack of sex and relationship education, disabled people sometimes remain virgins until late in life and crave the experience of sex. Many are so scared they find it impossible to start a relationship. Sex workers are professionals who will not laugh at them, are experienced at seeing virgins, make sex seem less scary, will teach them expertise, instill confidence and prepare them for finding love.

25) Sex workers provide sexual relief and pleasure for disabled people whose parents/staff don't allow them to socialise or get dressed up, people who are housebound or cannot go out because they are agorophobic. They can also be a lifeline to disabled people living in residential care where the type of relationships they enjoy are forbidden, for example same-sex relationships.

26) Sex workers sometimes provide a service to couples. Perhaps one of them has a disability which prevents them from doing all the things they enjoy. For example, if the husband cannot get an erection, they might hire in a male sex worker so that sometimes their lovemaking can include the presence of an erect penis. Volunteers may also be found through contact magazines, but some couples feel safer with a sex worker.

27) Sex workers are good at teaching disabled people who use AAC (augmentative alternative ways of communication) to gain the confidence and practice at using the right vocabulary to chat people up, flirt and enjoy sexual communication.

28) Sex workers do the invaluable job of helping disabled people over the hurdle of feeling sexy and letting themselves be sexual, when they are normally trapped in an asexual clinical environment.

29) Sex Workers help disabled people with spasticity, dealing with flexor spasms and help them find positions that suit them and even use spasms during sexual activity.

30) Sex workers provide disabled fetishists with the physical help they need to enjoy their fetishes when they cannot manage on their own.

31) Sex workers provide a sexual service for people who are suffering from fatigue due to their disability, be it ME or MS, or whatever. They are paid to make “all the moves and do all the work” which is not usually considered acceptable in relationships where money is not involved.

32) Some sex workers specialise in coaching disabled people in dating skills and finding the right partner. This usually involves a “girlfriend or boyfriend experience” repeated over several sessions.

33) Sex workers can help people who experience chronic pain, such as people with arthritis and other connective tissue diseases, and more specifically those with carpal tunnel syndrome who get shooting pains when trying to masturbate, so that they can overcome the pain and enjoy sexual fulfillment.

34) Sex workers are there for parents who want their adult sons and daughters to learn about sex in a safe environment and provide a reliable service. This is especially true with sons and daughters who have learning disabilities and only meet others their age with learning disabilities, and they worry that they will be abused or catch sexually transmitted diseases through ignorance or forgetfulness.

35) Sex workers provide choice for disabled people so they are not patronised by the state interfering with their personal freedoms. The fact that sex workers are prepared to take risks for the personal happiness of disabled people is to be commended. Pye Jakobsson who currently sells sexual services in Sweden (where the purchase of sex is illegal and consequently sex workers work in danger) says that her disabled clients are her best clients: they even sent her cheques when Pye was too ill to work, to help her pay the rent.

36) Sex workers cheer people up – producing endorphines during sex so that people feel less depressed. Tantric sex workers train to ensure that clients (and they too) do not feel empty or sad after the sex session has ended.

37) Sex workers help people find ways of coping with cognitive issues that impede their connection to their sexuality.

38) Sex workers help people with MS and Spina Bifida find alternative routes to orgasm, when the usual routes are blocked by their impairments.

39) Sex workers work with therapists to help disabled people deal with psychological and physical problems. This is sometimes call sexual surrogacy.

40) Sex workers help disabled people live out the fantasy of being beautiful and sexy and desirable, momentarily escaping the social stigma of their disability, and learning how to project a positive image to the rest of society.

41) Escorts provide status to disabled people when out socialising, so that other people see them as sexually desirable, raising their potential to find a loving partner.

42) Sex workers can provide one of the most important human basic needs: touch. Many nerve endings in our skin crave to be stroked, caressed and held. Touch deprivation is torture, like any other sensory deprivation. Moreover, the right kind of touch helps people overcome negative feelings that have come from abusive touch. Sexual touching is essential to mental health. Through the TLC website and the Sex and Disability Helpline, in early 2008, British sex workers rescued a blind man living in the Midlands who, at the age of 72, had never ever even had a cuddle.

43) In the modern-day world where so-called physical perfection is seen as the gateway to success, both in the workplace and socially, sex workers provide refuge for those who do not fit into this ideal. Their very acceptance of people with disabilities is a nirvana, their warmth and friendliness a lifeline and the only reason why their praises cannot be sung more widely is that many disabled people, living in poverty, cannot afford to hire them.

44) Many disabled people, especially men, find that staff and health professionals actively discourage them from starting relationships, manipulating the situation so that new friendships and potential relationships fail. So it is very refreshing and comforting to be in the company of a sex worker who is not working against them.

45) Many people with severe disabilities go through life with no personal privacy. From childhood, when parents open letters and parcels for them, through school and college, every detail of their life is shared with others. So it is extremely special to visit a sex worker who will keep everything that happens between them totally confidential.

46) Married people and those who are in a relationship and become disabled often find that the balance of their relationship is upset and the relationship ends. The disabled person is left feeling “on the scrap heap”, rejected and without hope. Sex workers are there to rescue such people, teach them to live to their full potential, and set them on the road to self acceptance and the road to finding a new partner.

47) Sex workers help raise the self-esteem of people who are disfigured and disabled, and provide a much needed sexual service. Indeed, members of the French Foreign Legion were permitted to visit brothels on the understanding that it's good for morale and relieves stress.

48) It would be a sad injustice if service personnel such as soldiers badly wounded and disfigured in Iraq and Afganistan were banned from the help they can receive from sex workers.

49) In different cultures, disability brings shame to the family, and many disabled people believe they must have been bad in a past life. Such people may well be embarrassed about their disabled bodies. Most sex workers are well aware of this shame, and work hard to help the disabled person shed their shame and overcome the embarrassment.

50) Finally, but very importantly, may disabled women are fed up with partners who are rough and/or unskilled, or treat them like trash. They dream of paying for sex so that they can be in “expert hands”. Many such women are put off because it is actually very difficult to find a male sex worker – the Internet featuring agencies charging men high prices to join (with no hope of a client), amateurs offering their services and a high degree of charlatanism. This is a direct result of the trade being quasi-legal and unregulated. Most women only feel safe when a personal recommendation is made but there are few “experts” to make such recommendations, and being paid to do so would be illegal.

Speaking of disablements, I was reading Dollymopp's blog earlier on and she is in severe pain with a condition that looks like it may hinder her work and certainly her day to day life. Huge amounts of love and hugs to you Dolly. xxx

Tomorrow I'm off to Inverness and from there I'm joining my slave for the weekend. After that I will be on holidays for a week as I am going home to join my family for Christmas. Speak to you from Inverness.

LL xx

Aberdeen, Articles and Assumptions

Good evening and greetings fae Aberdeen. I found this amazing article from 2007 today written by Howard Jacobson :


"The sexual instinct is a hydra-headed beast. It would be wrong of me to deny the violence which attaches to prostitution but there's more than one way of being in denial, and those who see only oppressive exploitation in the transaction between prostitute and client also fail to honour the complexities of sex. Some men might go to prostitutes to "use" them, but not all do. The exchange of money is freighted with meaning, and part of what it entails is the man's desire to hold himself cheap, to put himself at the pleading end of the power exchange, to abnegate his masculinity. Without doubt some men go to prostitutes to do them harm; but some go to harm themselves. Others, of course, go because they're desperate, and if paying money is the only way they'll find erotic company for a night, an hour, or just five minutes, then they'll pay it. And some simply go because they can, because they've nothing else to do, because they're bored and feeling hot, want nothing other than an uncomplicated good time, and intend no evil or disrespect by it.

That a prostitute might occasionally be touched by a man's shyness, or made curious by his need to hurt himself, or softened by his loneliness, or just amused by his idle pleasure-seeking – that she might, without being a fictionalised tart with a heart, find something for herself in any of these conditions – does not seem to me impossible. If you don't accept that – if you won't have it that a man can have any motive for visiting a prostitute other than the exercise of brute power – then yours is as vile a view of human nature as the pimp's or pusher's. And if you can't imagine the prostitute being humane enough, sometimes, to be intrigued, softened, engaged or even aroused, then yours is the low view of woman."

What a fantastic statement and it made me smile to see that someone, somewhere gets it. The tart with a heart is not a myth, I have met many women in my time who are beautiful inside and out. In my former home town I found it ironic to stand in a queue in a shop one day and overhear a conversation ; " Did you hear about so and so ? A hooker !! And I always thought she was such a lovely girl."

ARRRGHHH !!

I am and will always be, a lovely girl. I am not defined by my chosen profession, rather my chosen profession is an extension of the hidden and fun loving whore I always knew was lurking beneath.

Overall it's been a great week for me, I had a ball in Edinburgh last week and hooked up with some friends for dinner too. Rachel Rossi, Manchester Amber and Crista were all in Edinburgh too so we had a right laugh. For as long as I live I will have fond memories of Crista and I standing outside our 5 star hotel amusing passers by with our "When Harry met Sally" impressions. Pair of nutters.

This week in the news I was aghast to see that Glasgow City Council are calling for the purchase of sex to be made illegal.

West Renfrewshire Labour MSP Trish Godman said she planned to propose changes to planned and existing legislation at Holyrood in the coming weeks.

She said: "We believe these amendments present a simple but devastatingly effective means of challenging demand for prostitution.

"Introducing these amendments as law would ensure that anyone involved in the purchase, marketing or facilitation of sexual services would be criminalised whether these acts took place on the street or indoors.

"Every shred of evidence indicates that prostitution is inherently harmful. It is incredible that something which so clearly breaches an individual's right to dignity, equality, respect and physical and mental well-being has gone unhindered for so long."

Err, what about my right to make a living and support my family ? What about my right to privacy when I do what I do behind closed doors between consenting adults ?
Is it better for my "mental well-being" to fund my degree by claiming benefits ?

Turning back to Glasgow City Council for a moment, if you look at their website which is http://www.endprostitutionnow.org/, you come across this "job description";

"HELP WANTED: Women and girls do you want this job?

Are you tried of mindless, low skilled, low-paying jobs? Would you like a career with flexible hours? Working with people? Offering a professional service?

• No experience required! No qualifications needed. No minimum age requirement. On the job training provided.

• Special opportunities for poor women – exotic looking women - single mothers – women of colour

• Women and girls applying for this position will provide the following services:

• Being penetrated orally, anally and vaginally with penises, fingers, fists and objects, including but not limited to bottles, brushes, dildos, guns and/or animals;

•Being bound and gagged, tied with ropes and/or chains, burned with cigarettes, or hung from beams or trees."

How offensive. To me that deems us women of limited intellect who have little or no control over what happens to our bodies. I would suggest that I have more control over my body than the ladies who go out on a Friday night and get absolutely smashed, before going home and sleeping with some reprobate they found in a club.

No-one is going to deny that trafficking happens in Scotland, I know it happens. I also know that banning the purchase of sex will drive the industry underground and it will become nigh on impossible to reach those women who so desperately need our help. If we didn't have street workers in Glasgow and they were in legalised brothels then the violence towards them would deplete and the outreach services would have a far easier job in contacting them.

As an aside, how exactly are they going to make it an offence to purchase sex in Scotland when Edinburgh City Council make the money they do from the "Annual Entertainments Licence Fee" that they charge the local saunas ? Either they give up their lucrative income or they oppose the proposed legislative changes. Hmmm, it's a close call. ;)

Oh well, as I said earlier on Twitter this week, I'll try to remember how downtrodden I am when I have my slave bitch handcuffed to the bed and am flogging his ass.

Nite,

LL xx

Glasgow, Gimps and Gumtree

Good evening, and greetings from a hotel room in Dundee. First of all let me share the happy news with you, I can now offer Glasgow incalls. I have the use of a beautiful apartment just off Argyll Street and I'm thrilled to bits. Now for the bad news. I need four hours notice. This is because I need to organise things my end and also to ensure I look drop dead gawjus to see you. So, if you're Glasgow based and fed up with presentations on projected performance for the coming quarter, you know what to do. Similarly, if you're visiting Glasgow and need a break from the standard "entertainment" provided by your Glasgow based colleagues, you know where I am, just make sure you email in advance.

Anyway, guess who got in touch ? Yes, my slave bitch. I've not heard from him for so long. He has booked a weekend of torture in December and I am looking forward to it so much. He will cook me dinner, take me shopping, make sure my every need is attended to and in turn I will handcuff him to the bathroom sink and just leave him there. A fair exchange, I'm sure you'll agree.

Anyway, I'm in kinda a playful mood tonight so I was perusing the "casual relationships" section of Glasgow Gumtree this evening. I came across this little belter :

"Glasgow guy seeking sexual adventure with willing female participant. Must have all ten fingers and eyebrows. I have high standards.

Would also like to travel as my place is shit. I live in the town underneath a couple who batter each other and above a violin teacher. The blend of Mozart over domestic warfare is ideal shaggin atmosphere if you're a complete psycho. Seriously though you can come to my place.

Sex for me involves fumbling around for a while before 'sticking it in' but if you're nice then I'll throw in some massages or spanking or whatever else you're into. No playing with jobbie on a stick though, it's just no my thing.

Not really fussy but huge tits would be a nice bonus as would a sense of humour.

Again I'm 26, tall and slim and really really good looking with an enormous cock. Did I mention that already?

Lookin forward to all 3 replies.

xx

P.S No Gypsies."

So, I've decided to email this gent back and see what happens.

"Dear Glasgow Guy,

You have no idea how relieved I was to read your ad and discover that another human being is going through the hell that I endure on a daily basis. You should count yourself lucky with your warring couple, I myself have a group of Emos living downstairs who delight in listening to heavy metal and moshing. Quite why anyone would derive pleasure from hurling themselves against each other, much less clashing heads is anyone's guess. I for one believe in freedom of expression, but when it puts me off my climatic stroke with my rampant rabbit, it becomes problematic.

Anyway, I've jumped ahead of myself, my name is Laura and I'm a Catholic. Please don't delete the email at this point. I would love to meet you but it simply means that we would need to have a short marriage ceremony beforehand. Don't panic, you can always divorce me afterwards on the grounds on unreasonable behaviour, and I have it on the best authority that "unreasonable" is an understatement.

The only concern I have is your stipulation at the end of your ad that you would prefer "No gypsies". Let me say from the outset, my heritage has never been in question to me, but according to my cousin Assumpta Immaculata my Great Grand Mother's nephew's hamster was a tinker. I don't know why I'm even bringing this up, Assumpta has a nerve, the last time that girl wore knickers was during the great blizzard of 1982, and even then, legend has it that the only reason they remained intact was because she hadn't had a bath in 6 weeks and it took 4 units of Highlands and Islands Fire Brigade to get them off. ( Unusual for her, but there you are. )

So, email me back and let's see how we get on. For the record, I bathe at least once a week, and I've bought some leopard print knickers in Primark, specially like.

Laura xx

I shall of course let you know how I get on. ;)

Schooling, socials and smashing times

I think I'm turning into my Mother. Not the nauseatingly annoying bit, but I hear myself say things and it's like turning the wheels of time backwards 25 years.

Such gems as ;

"I'll give you a real reason to cry in a minute".

or

"Don't come crying to me when you've been knocked from your bike and killed because you wouldn't wear the reflective arm bands."

If some kind soul could email me a link to the current suggested school curriculum I'd be very grateful because I think the education system has a lot to answer for. Take last week for example. I committed the horrid atrocity of actually asking my little treasure to tidy her room unaided, since I had already brought the cleaning equivalent of a JCB through it twice. Cue an unmerciful row which culminated in tiny hands being applied firmly to hips and then the clincher ;

"I may be small but I have a voice and I deserve to be heard."

Well, suffice to say that the only voice to be heard in the immediate aftermath was mine, at a pitch and a volume that had my kitties diving for cover in the broom cupboard.

*sigh*

Last Thursday I thoroughly enjoyed an overnight with Mr F, we had food to die for and he bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for Christmas. It just goes to show how much I trust him, one of the earrings went straight through but the other ear has semi healed over. So I took a large mouthful of wine ;

"Right, just do it."

"Are you sure ?"

"Aye".

Many howls later and we still couldn't manage it so I need to get that one pierced again. Oh joy. Anyway, the next day we were both attending a social lunch which was superb. Beautiful food and the best of craic. Big Rick was there too and I think he was a little nervous as it was his first social but as it was a daytime meet it was relatively civilised, the next one will be a haze of doubles, hehe. The last time I was in Aberdeen Rick gave me a pressie and I've attached a picture. It's a name badge which says " Laura Lee, 5* Tour Guide ". How cool is that ? I wore it with pride at the social and will do so at future events too. :)

From the social I sprinted home, did a handstand in the shower and set off to meet Mr A for the weekend. I have long made it my mission to put the "f" back into sex, by which I mean fun. Why does it have to be so goddamn serious ? Some people approach bedroom olympics like a military operation. The second part of that mission is to bring a sense of perspective back into "Senior Management" types. I have very happy memories of perching on an armchair in Glasgow one night with my client seated at my feet. He was using management speak and waxing lyrical about the expenditure for his latest project, so I kicked him over.

"Oh my God, did you just kick me over ?"

"I did, yep."

"No-one has dared to give me cheek for years, let alone kick me. Thank you."

So back to Mr A. We were enjoying champagne and strawberries when he started to wind me up. ( He does it very well. ) The closest thing to hand was a large scatter cushion so it was duly fired in his general direction, but missed, and instead took out several glass tumblers. Now, most people would have stopped there but for all his management training he has obviously glossed over the chapter on "When to concede defeat," and so it went on until neither of us had any energy left.

It was a wonderful weekend which we both thoroughly enjoyed. :)

This week sees me heading off to Dundee on Wednesday and Thursday before landing in Edinburgh on Friday. I shall speak to you from there.

LL xx

Studies, Santa and Socials

Good evening and greetings from deepest darkest Ayrshire from behind a pile of A4 paper which resembles the inbox at the AOL complaints department. I have been very busy completing my latest assignment tonight because it's due by mid-day tomorrow. All is peaceful and quiet and my boy cat is curled up beside me fellating himself in a nonchalant manner. I suppose it's revenge for my playing cat porn on You - tube earlier which resulted in his sprinting for the door. I know, I'm very mean.

The "C" word is almost upon us and although I love spending time with my loved ones and chilling out, the mayhem in the lead up to it is a pain in my curvaceous backside. This year my little treasure has decided she'd like Santa to bring her ( inter alia ) a guitar. I could have cried, not least because my Dad rather helpfully offered to get her a drum kit to go with it. I could hear the smile in his voice when he said it but it didn't stop the almost unbearable desire to throttle him.

Once my assignment is submitted it's a quick metamorph from me, the tracksuit clad, pale and very uninteresting student to my far more glamorous alter-ego. I have it down to a fine art and can do the total transformation in an hour. On Thursday night I am meeting Mr F for an overnight and looking forward to it immensely. We always have the best of craic and I think I'll wear "that" dress which means I can't bend over at all, well, not until we get back to the bedroom anyway, hehe.

Friday afternoon and I'm off to a social lunch in Glasgow with other lewdies from the industry and it will be brilliant to catch up with my friends. Straight from there I'm into a taxi and off to meet Mr A for the weekend, another of my guys who always spoils me rotten. I'm a lucky, lucky girl when I think about the regular clients I have.

On that happy note I'm going back to the books and to hoosh my porn cat from the sofa.

Nite,

LL xx

Feck-ups and Firemen ( again )

All I can say is I'm glad today is over. It was fun but everything that could possibly go wrong did go wrong. I checked into my hotel this afternoon after horrendous delays on that carpark they have the gall to call a motorway, the M8. I was stuck in the car for over 40 minutes all in all apologising profusely to my first client because I was running late, whilst trying desperately to control my temper because Glasgow's answer to Denis the Menace was gurning at me out the back window of his parent's car. Little *$!&%.

Eventually I got settled in and my first appointment went fine. Since I have been doing very well on the studying front I decided to pop out of the hotel to pick up some wine for this evening. It was like I had stepped into a parallel universe because the reception area was filled with blind people. Apparently there was some form of conference on. Anyway as I was making my way to the revolving door, I noticed a gentleman with a white stick hanging back and trying desperately to guage when to go through the door. Ever the helpful soul ( I was in The Brownies, you know ) I asked him,

"Do you want me to tell you when to go ?"

"Oooh, that would be smashing, thank you."

What he should have mentioned is that he is a little hard of hearing too, because when I said "Now", he turned and said "What ?" before launching himself at the door and going face first into the glass panel. I swear, it could only have happened to me. Numerous people jumped up to see if he was ok, all the while glaring at me like the spawn of Satan.

"I was only trying to help, and see, what happened was, I said now, but he ... "

It didn't seem to matter as they were all too concerned with circling him and looking at me like the dirt from my cat's paw. I decided to beat a hasty retreat and set off to get my wine. At the pavement side there were two more delegates, but I decided to leave them to it, I had done enough damage for one day.

Finally, I got back to my room and waited for the world's most nervous client whom I have been speaking to via email for quite some time. He'd never met a lady of negotiable virtue before so I welcomed him in and offered him a full body massage to begin with, because he was literally shaking like a leaf. He was a lovely, lovely man and the moment of mutual engagement had just started in missionary position when the fecking fire alarm went off. He lost his erection almost as quickly as I lost the will to live. So we left the hotel via separate fire exits and he bolted off into the night, presumably never to be heard from again.

So there we are. A day in the life, huh ? I wouldn't mind, but three units of Strathclyde Fire Brigade couldn't produce one good looking fireman between them. It was like Krufts.

So I'm off to quaff vast amounts of white wine and contemplate for the 8 millionth time how I ever became the Frank Spencer of escorts.

Nite,

LL xx

Tears and Tantrums

Good evening and firstly let me say I'm sorry I have been out of circulation for a couple of days, but I was busy having my annual meltdown. Sometimes we all need a bit of space and to be around those we know we can trust with our lives.

When I'm not on a rant against politicians, I come across as a very fun loving and bouncy person and 99% of the time that's exactly who I am. However, I am only human and sometimes I just get to a point where enough is enough. The latter part of this week was one of those occasions I'm afraid. I'm laughing now, but quite honestly the last tour of Aberdeen Amanda and I did was less "Thelma and Louise" and more "Baise Moi." It's funny how when you're already stressed, the littlest things can seem so enormous and when you consider that I am the world's greatest drama queen it was bound to explode at some point. So explode it did, in spectacular fashion. I had a tantrum of epic proportions and cried myself silly. Amanda was her usual rock and with copious hugs and the passing of tissues I soon calmed down. From experience I knew what I had to do, so it was into the car and off to my old home town to spend the weekend with G, my good friend and confidante.

Not to put too fine a point on it, G is quite mad. Come the weekend, her flat is party central and it's anyone's guess at how many people are likely to be in the kitchen, or asleep in the bath. She says it herself, it's like "Shameless" in Scotland. We had it all, the allegations of infidelity, screaming matches, tears, tiaras and tantrums. You know what ? It was the best fun I've had with my clothes on. It was like being in a parallel universe, her new rabbit called "The Dog" was bouncing about the house all weekend when he wasn't eating cheese on toast in the kitchen.

On the way back from the pub, we established we were a member down and it emerged that 'D' had wandered into the police station for a "blether". Apparently it's a regular occurrence, most people go out of their way to avoid the police station but there we are. Mind you, 'D' did significantly better than 'F' who ended up in a gorse bush. I never, EVER want to smell spiced rum again and I am sipping blackcurrant at the moment in a very ginger fashion.

So it's back to business as usual for me, once again I'm sitting here in floods of tears but this time it's because I'm watching the X-factor about some of the seriously ill children in Great Ormond Street Hospital. I'll never complain about the state of my little treasure's bedroom again.

As a complete aside, if John and Edward are not voted off next week I am going to stage a one woman protest, nekkid.

Nite,

LL xx

Bunnies and Buddies

Good evening, and greetings from Aberdeen where I landed today after a long and tortuous journey. My drive was marred by thick fog, thick truckers and most bizarrely, huge numbers of bunnies bouncing about. I would have thought that come the cold weather they would go to ground but on the verges of the A90 tonight they were plentiful. I've only hit one bunny in my time, which given the amount of time I spend on the road is quite remarkable. To be fair, it was the most stupid bunny ever to grace the earth.

I was on my way home from an outcall late at night when I spied said bunny by the side of the road. It appeared to have noticed my car approaching and so began hopping towards the ditch and away from my car. Having slowed down, I was relieved and so went back on the accelerator. Without warning, it turned around and hopped at great speed back towards my car and under my wheel. To say I was gutted was an understatement. I braked hard and thought for a moment about what I would do if it wasn't truly dead. Having decided I couldn't bear to see it suffer I decided that I would have to reverse over it. With a heavy heart I looked in my rear view mirror and there bathed in the red light of my brakes was a VERY squashed bunny. It resembled a scene of carnage with the red light for added effect. It was as dead as dead gets but that didn't make me feel any better. :(

Ahem.

Aside from that, my recent post about the buddy system got me thinking about the newbies I have encountered over the years. I guess one of the first was my babysitter in my former home town. I knew it was about to become common knowledge that I was an escort so I sat her down one night.

"I have something to tell you. You know that program that we both love, 'Confessions of a Call Girl' ? Well, that's what I do, I'm an escort."

"Heh, I knew that."

"What ? Why didn't you say ?"

"Well, there was still 5% of me that thought I could be wrong, but when half of your bookshelf consists of memoirs of an escort I had an idea. What did it for me is the night you came home and paid me in English twenties which smelt of 'Kouros'."

Hmmm, I suppose that will do it all right.

With time, she decided she'd like to become an escort too, and I was in a blind panic. I'm good friends with her mother too and really didn't want to be held responsible if anything went mammaries skywards. In the end the decision was taken out of my hands. One Sunday morning after I limped home from an overnight booking, she declared loudly "Right, I've decided. Escorting is definitely for me, but I have to fancy them mind." After I got it through to her that you cannot pick and choose your clients based on looks, the subject was dropped. Phew.

Perhaps I should have shared with her my recent encounter in Dundee. I met a man who was utterly charming and had booked for an hour. Round one was absolutely fine and went as you would expect. For Round Two, he asked if he could come on my assets contained within my La Senza bra. But then came the clincher ; " Can you lick my balls whilst I make myself come ?"

I was still wondering how I was going to make that happen, ( maybe me lying on my side ? ) when he launched himself upon me in reverse, so that one buttock fitted neatly into each eye socket. I was temporarily shocked and also asphyxiated, but that didn't seem to deter him. When he finally reached his golden goal and got off me I was temporarily blinded and was seeing white spots.

"Babes that was amazing."

No, what was amazing was that my teeth were in such close proximity to his boy bits without having made contact.

Try explaining that level of patience to a newbie. God knows I try.

Nite,

LL xx

Prostitution - A crime of purchasing

I was interested to read an article in today's Guardian by Beatrix Campbell about
the debating of the police and crime bill in the House of Lords.

It wasn't so much the article that interested me, more the comments afterwards. For example :

"Before the inevitable spluttering outrage from some quarters begins, I would just like to put the argument that this is a hugely important step forward not just for women but for positive attitudes to men in our society. At last it is on the record that the UK believes that most men do not leave their consciences at the bedroom door, and can in fact be expected to value consent and equality in their sex lives."

I take great exception to that remark. What one person has the right to judge the conscience of another ? I have met clients who have been bereaved and felt unable to enter into a new relationship with a woman, much less a sexual relationship. I have been able to form an important bridge in their lives to enable them to move on to form a fulfilling relationship and find a new partner. Never once did I consider those men to be men without a conscience or men who chose to take the decision to contact me as a sex worker lightly.

The men I encounter already value equality and consent in their sex lives. They are educated and well informed individuals more than capable of determining when a woman is committing an act of her own volition. They do not need it set down in Statute Law.

I was slowly but surely losing the will to live when I came across this comment :

"If the buying of sex from someone who chooses to sell isn't meaningfully distinguished from the buying of sex from someone coerced then despite your sophistry you are simply criminalising buying of sex. Your reasons cannot be to protect the coerced since you would be interfering in the business of the non-coerced. You must effectively believe buying (and therefore selling) sex is inherently morally wrong - be honest and tell us why. And then tell us why it is any of your business what other people do with their own bodies?"

Absolutely spot on, and very well said. What the legislature is actually working towards is complete abolition, thinly disguised as a move towards the protection of the greater good. It's been proven that criminalising sex workers is ineffective, so their next step is to criminalise the clients. This too will fail as it is using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. It is failing to address the real issue of the women at risk and those who are responsible. It is the traffickers who need to be penalised.

Further down the article came a comment from a suspiciously "Bindelesque" commentator :

"I have to say that the debate that took place in the Lords on Tuesday night was a credit to all the peers who took part, from both sides of the argument. They were informed, and more importantly there was very little doubt that their principle concern was for the well-being of the women involved in prostitution, especially those who are there as a result of vulnerability and exploitation.

This made a welcome change from the tired arguments increasingly employed by the pro-sex work lobby, who have been trying to sell prostitution as an entirely free-choice, as evidenced by the apparent existence of legions of so-called happy-hookers, and who have been trying to sell trafficking into the 'industry' as nothing more than a purely valid form of economic migration.

Try telling the young woman from Romania whose traffickers were jailed in Manchester yesterday that her being forced to have sex with up to 10 men a night was nothing more than an economic choice on her part. Try telling her that being lured to the UK on the promise of a job and of being able to afford a better life for her 3 year old daughter, and then having her daughter's life threatened if she refused to service men, was nothing more than a result of her own free choice, and that rather than being a victim she's simply just another economic migrant, as the ECP and their academic puppets would have us all believe".


Unbelievable. The "Happy Hooker" argument is becoming more than a little tired now, surely to goodness the recent letter from most of the ladies of Punternet on foot of Harriet Harman's efforts to shut the site down should have been sufficient to offer some amount of evidence as to our existence as strong, independent women who have chosen to work within the sex industry and continue to enjoy our roles ? What more evidence can we possibly offer ?

For me, the most offensive part of that comment is that we have been "trying to sell trafficking into the industry as nothing more than a purely valid form of economic migration." That is quite simply untrue and also highly inflammatory. No one of the ladies that I am aware of have ever tried to condone trafficking in any of it's forms. On the contrary, many of the women that I count as friends within the industry are involved in the "Buddy Scheme", run by Penny BBW which seeks to provide a befriending service for those women who have already made a conscious decision to enter the industry. The whole rationale behind the scheme is to protect those "new" women away from would-be predators who prey on the less knowledgeable and seek to push boundaries. Why then, would we advocate trafficking ? It simply doesn't make sense.

The question of trafficking versus economic migration arose because at it stands, if a woman ( such as myself ) leaves the country with a client, that is counted as trafficking. How absurd. Surely if we are going to tackle the problem of trafficking then we need to know the beast we are to do battle with? Inflated statistics serve no purpose other than to satisfy political agenda. At any rate, that gain can only be a temporary benefit. As sex workers, we are not seeking to deplete the numbers of trafficked women to lessen the likelihood of prohibitory legislation. On the contrary, we would rather see real figures and a real, workable solution.

To suggest that we as sex workers would put our own interests in front of those women who suffer at the hands of traffickers is at best, offensive. We more than anyone else want to see an end to trafficking, but to see it tackled with measures that will actually work rather than wasting tax payers money and valuable police resources prosecuting clients.

Nite,

LL xx

Lords and Lunatics

I'm weary. I'm tired from all the online arguments with bigots and misogynistic politicians. I have come to the conclusion that they will never hear the voice of reason, no matter how plainly it is presented to them.

As you know, I visit Harlot's Parlour every so often and have my say over there. I have to be honest, I feel that the people who contribute there are far better read than I and without a doubt infinitely more suited to constructing a valid argument to counter a relentless onslaught. But the point is this, as simplistic as my approach may be, I do recognise the difference between right and wrong, and what is being proposed as a "realistic" approach towards the "problem" of prostitution is very wrong and also based on assumptions built on a bedrock of false statistics.

I have been in correspondence with a gentleman who gave me his permission to publish this excellent piece : "An open letter to the House of Lords", so I've put it on Harlot's Parlour :

http://www.harlots-parlour.com/

I too have written to the Lords and I sincerely hope that enough voices with reasoned argument will make a difference. As per usual, any pro-active action by an escort is met by 95% support and applause within the industry. The remaining 5% who gossip and snigger can kiss my ever decreasing backside. :)

Since I last blogged I've been working really hard, both in escorting and also at my studies, so any time to myself has been precious and treasured. As you know I love my kitties so imagine how gutted I was when I found my boy cat was peeing blood again. Last week I had him at the vets no fewer than 3 times and the vet came to the conclusion that he is prone to cystitis from stress. Gawd. Tomorrow I'm off to buy him a plug-in diffuser that apparently calms even the most nervy cat. I don't think it's to do with my kitten per se, because he's had it before she ever arrived, however I suspect her launching "Kujo" style attacks on his head from the top of the sofa probably doesn't help.

Speaking of random attacks, I had a text from my Mother yesterday, " Greetings from Lanzarote. Plenty of sun, sea, sand and sex." Bleurgh. God alone knows who she has collared now, no doubt I'll get the details alongside vivid descriptions at her earliest convenience.

I was amused to discover recently that my brother reads my blog. ( How wrong is that ? )Hi G. :} Anyway, he said he doesn't mind reading my explicit tales of romps with various clients but parental sex makes him retch. Uh huh, Amen to that.

Last week I travelled to Manchester to attend an industry social and it was hugely enjoyable. Kit and Kat were there, the porn star sisters. ( If you don't know who I mean, google them but ensure you're seated comfortably firstly. ) It was a wonderful opportunity for me to catch up with some of the lewdies I love and a good laugh was had by all.

On Wednesday night I had an overnight booking with an accountant. Far from being the stereotypical bore, like myself he is just on the positive side of eccentric and we had a riot. It was very strange, the more we chatted, the more we found we had in common and by the end of the evening we were tripping over each other to speak. He mentioned to me that he thinks there is a gap in the market for information and advice for Scottish ladies on all things taxation. I agree. So, he is in the process of organising a symposium in Glasgow at some point in the not too distant future. This will be a half day in a hotel where he will give a talk on the relevant parts of taxation to our industry and of course there will be lots of time for questions and answers afterwards. Of course, we ladies will need to retire to a nearby pub afterwards to discuss what we've learnt. ;) So, if you are based within travelling distance of Glasgow and would like to attend, please email me and I will email you back with some information as soon as the date is finalised.

It's study and relaxation for me for the next couple of days and then I'm back on the road on Wednesday when I'll be in my usual boudoir in Glasgow. On Thursday and Friday I'll be in Dundee with that lunatic from up north, Amanda. I was thinking about her today when I was shopping and picked up a DVD for us to watch, "Thelma and Louise".

Nite,

LL xx

Elitism and Empowerment

This evening Douglas Fox has written another excellent piece for Harlot's Parlour :

http://www.harlots-parlour.com/2009/10/its-all-about-class-dear.html

He addresses a very important issue that has always been on the back burner in the sex industry and that is snobbery and elitism. There is no doubt that it does exist, of that there is no question. The real question though, is how it will affect us. If those who shout the loudest amongst the anti- sex industry groups can drive a wedge amongst us at all, snobbery is an easy target. To quote Douglas himself -

"Sex workers are perhaps one of the most socially diverse groups of workers that you will ever meet which makes us unique. Historically we have a heritage that includes high class courtesans who led fashionable society from glamorous salons that attracted the leading minds of society to penny whores who stalked the London stews.
Many of the most aristocratic families owe their positions and wealth to the bed room skills of some distant relative who caught the attention of a king or Queen and like wise many a poor family survived because one entrepreneurial member chose to use their body to live. Today the international nature of the labour market is recognised in the sex industry although often it is conveniently confused with trafficking by moralists and anti sex work campaigners. The truth is that sex sells and always will what ever the moral or political climate.

The one thing we all have in common is that sex, whither on a street corner or between Yves Delorme sheets, does not change. A fuck is a fuck and a blow job is a blow job. That is the common denominator that links us all in this work and we should not forget that regardless of where we work or the nuances of the culture in which we work or the hierarchical structures in which we operate our job is universally similar in its basics. Accusations of elitism and snobbery directed at us by predominantly middle class moralists who objectify all whores as victims are the worst snobs because they endanger the lives and liberty of every sex worker and that again unites us all against the common enemy, prejudice and ignorance about our work."

I absolutely agree with Douglas. In the passing of any legislation or reformatory measures, due consideration must be given to all aspects of our industry and the hierarchy within. It is simply not acceptable to utilise our differences in an attempt to treat all sex workers as victims. To acknowledge the many different levels within the sex industry is to go half way towards reaching a workable solution for everyone. As sex workers, we need to embrace our differences as well as broad similarities.

One of the most maddening things about being a woman who chooses to work in the sex industry is the refusal on the part of the likes of Julie Bindel to see what is abundantly plain. No matter what level of the industry you choose to examine, there will be women who have chosen that path and have enjoyed the journey they've gone on, together with the freedoms associated with a higher than normal income. Prostitution is the only profession where women's earnings are consistently higher than that of our male counterparts. That in itself is very empowering and allows me as a sex worker the opportunity to make choices I would otherwise not have had available to me.

Hmmmm. Speaking of empowerment and choices, I haven't heard from my slave bitch for a while and I hope he's ok. Strolling towards him in my leather basque with my strap on at the ready is empowerment personified. ;)

Nite, LL xx

Majorca and Musings

So I've arrived back from Majorca in one piece and it was absolutely fantastic. Most of time we had glorious sun with the occasional overcast day. We checked in on Sunday night and my little delight jumped straight into her swimsuit and I think I met her in the corridor circa Tuesday.

Because she's still 8, we had to sit through the evening's "entertainment" program at the hotel which was so bad it was good, if that makes any sense. Actually, towards the end of the week I became really quite aggressively competitive with the bingo and growled at the over - 60's Sunshine Tour, but it was to no avail and I won nothing. Anyway, the night I was waiting for with baited breath came, yes it was Karaoke night and I layered on my mascara with gusto. It was the end of a long week for the holiday reps and I think they had run out of the will to live as well as decent prizes. I took a brief look around at the crowd and thought that since we were quite possibly the only people under 65, "Touch Me, I Wanna Feel Your Body" by Samantha Fox probably wasn't the way to go. It would have been funny as hell though. No, instead with a heavy heart, I launched into "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and it went down a storm. All of the blue rinse brigade were on their feet, linking arms and swaying to the music whilst singing along tunelessly. Following enthusiastic shouts of "MORE" one of the reps jumped on stage with me and we did a belting version of "Don't go breaking my heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee. So finally, I won that elusive prize. A blue knitted Thomson the Dog mobile phone sock. I'd put it on Ebay but I'm too embarrassed.

The next morning I almost choked from all the enthusiastic smacks on the shoulder blades I got at breakfast from over enthusiastic pensioners and I must say I glowed with pride. See, as awful as it sounds ( and in many ways it was like "Phoenix Nights" in the sun ) I absolutely loved it, because the time will come when herself will be locked in her room dressed all in black "totally rejecting society man" so I intend to enjoy the wonderful years, when she announces loudly to her pals, " That's my Mum on the stage, isn't she cool ?" Long live cool Mums.

So straight from my holiday I literally dumped my suitcase's contents into the wash basket, filled it up again with fresh frillies and headed off on tour to Aberdeen, where I am tonight. It feels quite strange to be struggling down the road to the local shop to pick up some things with Amanda against uber strong winds with a glowing tan. Hmmmm.

My new text books arrived for the next section of my Uni course whilst I was away and all I can say is fugger. ( That's not quite a curse by the way, because it's two words together, see ? ) They resemble the phone book so it's goodbye to late nights on the internet and faffing about on various message boards. It's time to introduce some discipline to my life which feels rather strange, as for a number of years the only discipline in my life involved my thigh high boots and nipple clamps.

Aside from that, I've just organised my tour dates for November and they're now on my site. Following extensive nagging ( sorry, gentle persuasion ) I will be visiting London in early December to do a Christmas shopping trip cunningly disguised as a tour, so for those of you who have been enquiring, as soon as I'm finished this blog I'm off to the laterooms site to see what I can find.

Finally I thought I'd leave you with this wonderful quote from a book Amanda gave me a loan of entitled " Sex Tips for Husbands and Wives from 1894".

"Whilst sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured ... One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten ; give little, give seldom and, above all, give grudgingly... "

Amen to that, because the begrudged ( and sometimes their partners ) keep my diary busy. ;)

LL xx

Sex Workers and Statistics

I thought I'd draw your attention to the excellent article that's been published in The Guardian by Nick Davies. The link is below :

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/trafficking-numbers-women-exaggerated

In the article he seeks to examine the "tide of misinformation" that there is around trafficking in the UK. The first major hurdle is in the interpretation of the word "trafficking". Because the word can apply to sex workers moving across borders quite willingly to seek better paid employment, there is no doubt this colours the "figures", such as they are.

But what is really shocking is the way those "figures" have been plucked from obscurity and paraded by politicians and press seeking to satisfy their own agenda.

"Fiona Mactaggart, a former Home Office minister, in January 2008 outstripped MacShane's estimates, telling the House of Commons that she regarded all women prostitutes as the victims of trafficking, since their route into sex work "almost always involves coercion, enforced addiction to drugs and violence from their pimps or traffickers." There is no known research into UK prostitution which supports this claim.

In November 2008, Mactaggart repeated a version of the same claim when she told BBC Radio 4's Today in Parliament that "something like 80% of women in prostitution are controlled by their drug dealer, their pimp, or their trafficker." Again, there is no known source for this."

That level of ignorance around the realities of trafficking is simply staggering.
The part I really liked was the acknowledgement at the end of his article that we as working women have been voicing our concerns and have been completely ignored :

"However, the key point is that on the sidelines of a debate which has been dominated by ideology, a chorus of alarm from the prostitutes themselves is singing out virtually unheard. In the cause of protecting "thousands" of victims of trafficking, Harriet Harman, the deputy Labour leader and minister for women and equality, has led the parliamentary campaign for a law to penalise men who pay for sex with women who are "controlled for gain" even if the men do so in genuine ignorance.

Repeatedly, prostitutes groups have argued that the proposal is as wrong as the trafficking estimates on which it is based, and that it will aggravate every form of jeopardy which they face in their work, whether by encouraging them to work alone in an attempt to show that they are free of control or by pressurising them to have sex without condoms to hold on to worried customers. Thus far, their voices remain largely ignored by news media and politicians who, once more, have been swept away on a tide of misinformation."

Isn't it time that they realised the methods ( such as they are ) that they are using to collect their information are deeply flawed, as is their whole approach to prostitution ? As a result of their efforts are more traffickers being caught and sentenced ? No. Is it enhancing the political stance of the politicians involved ? No, because in continuing to get it wrong time and time again, how much confidence can the man in the street have in their abilities as potential leaders ?

Since The Guardian is the home of Ms Bindel, it will be interesting to see her response. No doubt she'll inform Mr Davies that he is the head of a pimp's charter. It suits the likes of Bindel and Harman to claim that the only reason we shout about the "statistics" is because we don't want them to pass any prohibitory laws. To a certain extent that's correct, but not for the reasons they would have you believe.

We as long standing members of the escort community really do care for the welfare of our fellow sex workers and wish to see every measure in place to protect them. I would suggest that if they want to collate accurate information about the level of trafficking that occurs then they should leave everything exactly as it is, because the evidence is right under their noses. The ads are there in The Daily Sport for all to see, and can be investigated together with all of the other forms of advertising such as the internet, cards in phone boxes etc.

If they push the laws through, then the industry will be driven underground and it will be so much harder to reach the women who so desperately need help. In real terms, the traffickers will just need to more inventive in their sourcing of clients.

Some day, ( and hopefully before I retire ) common sense will prevail over sensationalism.

LL x

Hotels and Holidays

It's been a very strange couple of days. Very few of my clients have been vanilla. I had a call yesterday from a guy who said " I like to dress up". Now to seasoned escorts that can mean anything from women's lingerie to the full "gimp" experience so I decided to keep an open mind. To put it more accurately, I decided to be naughty and not ask him what he meant by that so as to maintain the element of surprise.

When I opened the door I was greeted by a 6 foot Adonis who wouldn't have looked out of place as a centrefold in Playgirl, in fact it was all I could do to stop myself uttering the mantra " Never underestimate the power of prayer."

That prayer, such as it was, would have been a short lived experience because he emerged from the bathroom resplendent in what can only be described as a pink babydoll with white hold ups which clung to his dark, masculine hair. I have his full permission to share that info with you, it was one of those moments in my career when I had to try and say the appropriate thing and as usual I failed miserably. " My, don't you look... erm ....." It was a very sexy couple of hours mind you.

It cheered me up because I was in an ( ahem ) compromised mood yesterday. I was struggling to finish my assignment in between appointments and as it was so stuffy I had the hotel window open full blast. Outside there was the loud banter of a group of builders regaling each other with tales of sex that never actually happened, and in the corridor the Polish chamber maids were listening to Radio 1 full blast and shouting at each other room to room. It was all I could do to stop myself bellowing " DO YOU FECKING MIND, I'M TRYING TO WHORE AND STUDY AT THE SAME TIME." You could have taken my photo yesterday and used it in an advertising campaign for evening primrose oil. Actually, I can see it now; "Just £3 a month can stop this unbearable face, pick up the phone and donate now."

Today was my Glasgow incalls day it was so busy it was unreal. Apparently Cliff Richard is staying at same hotel but since I have no real desire to meet him I didn't hang about and besides, he's hardly likely to be propping up the bar 'til 2am. I met a man who's been trying to see me for while and I think he's glad his patience paid off because we both really enjoyed ourselves and I introduced him to the joys of my spanking paddle. I sent him off into the Glasgow evening with a big smile and a red backside. I also met a very sexy and very stressed lawyer and he went back to his workload with a considerably brighter outlook on life, hehe.

As for me, I'm off on my holidays tomorrow and I can't wait. I am completely and utterly exhausted, although my studies are up to date so I can go with an easy mind. My ironing pile now has some reinforced scaffolding alongside it but I'm past caring, I've come to the conclusion that it's a treat I can afford so when I come back I'm going to find a regular and reliable ironing lady. I arrive back on Sunday of next week and on Monday I'm straight back on the road, up to Aberdeen until Friday.

I'm so looking forward to the break, no dishes to clean up, no washing, no make-up, no waxing, nowt. It's also a valuable time for me and the little 'un to spend together or more specifically, for me to get revenge for all the times she's grated on the last remaining two nerves I have. I'm horrified to say that they don't have "lovely legs" competitions any more but they do have karaoke competitions and last year I won a bottle of wine for singing "Private Dancer". Singing the lyrics of the song was very strange and I'm sure I caught a knowing glance or two from the male fraternity. The little princess didn't care, I'm sure she was just relieved I didn't do my sparkling rendition of the "Spitting Image" song again.

All together now ....

Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose,
Fly a jumbo jet, and bury all your clothes ...

I better get going on this holiday before some well meaning member of the public has me sectioned.

Nite,

LL xx

Buddies and Brothels

That lovely creature Penny BBW of ample busoms and an even more ample heart got in touch with me and asked if I would pen an article for her Escort Buddy's site. Anything for you Penny. :)

Given the current upsurge in discussion around paid sex and the implications for all parties concerned, it might be a good time to take stock of the changing role of the "Buddy".

There are buddies at every level of the industry, whether they are older ladies at a parlour who take newbies under their wings, or escorts who support one and other or street workers who take a note of the registration number of cars their friends get into. The role they fulfil now is by and large one of practical advice and friendship, not to mention the safety aspect.

It is my belief ( and I'm not alone ) that if the industry is driven underground, by virtue of the client or the sex worker being criminalised then the role of the buddy will change irreparably. The focus will be very much geared towards keeping one and other away from detection and the authorities.

It is no coincidence that there is a high rate of violence against street workers and I would suggest that the reason for that is they are an easy target group. In many respects, they are alone, devoid of any monitoring or co-operation with law enforcement groups. If these women were working in licensed brothels, then they would be automatically afforded the luxury of several buddies at once. I appreciate that the suggested system is not immune to abuse, there will be women who will insist on continuing to work the streets, but at least the option would be there. Thinking back to the recent Ipswich murders, if any of the women were offered a safe alternative to continue to ply their trade, then who's to say how many lives could have been saved.

Today I met and had lunch with a new lady who has come to me via the buddy system and I feel an overwhelming sense of protectiveness towards her. She is older than me and probably more worldly wise but when it comes to the joys of escorting, utterly green. It will be my pleasure to guide her as much as I can, as I feel that is infinitely preferable to bailing her out of a police station at 2am.

LL xx

Politicians and Press

Picture the scene, Amanda and I are on our road trip, hurtling down the M6 when I check my emails on my phone.

"Oh my ferking God, there's a reporter from The Independent looking to speak to me."

After Amanda had almost ploughed us both into the central reservation, we took time to think it through. He promised total anonymity, and to quote me directly. I thought about it long and hard and came to the conclusion, "Hell, why not ?" After all, I'd already been to a public meeting with Julie Bindel, how much more difficult could it be ?

Since then, on a number of forums and commentaries on press pieces, it has been alleged that the only reason myself and another couple of ladies spoke to the press was to advertise. As they say in France, I'm afraid that's complete "merde". To my mind, any advertising that was to be gleaned from the whole sorry affair has long since been done by HH herself, whether she intended to or not.

The reality is Harriet Harman and Julie Bindel are two very ill-informed bigots who relied on the fact that any escort would be too afraid to come forward. It's now been proven that that's quite simply untrue.

It is very much a case of lie down and let these idiots label us all drug addicted desperate women or speak up and be labelled a blatant advertiser. I know which I'd choose.

I will get down from my soapbox soon I promise, as soon as desperate, vote searching politicians cease blatant generalisations.

LL

Harriet and Heavenly encounters ( not together mind )

A special thank you to Harriet Harman. No, honestly. Thanks to all the publicity she generated for Punternet yesterday my site traffic has doubled. When I think of the hours I have spent ensuring my listing is included in all the major directories on the internet it galls me to think that all I had to do was email Ms Harman a link to PN.

My phone was so busy today I seriously contemplated outsourcing the calls to a centre in India. My regular readers will know I abhor call centres with a passion, but there's method to my madness. See if I outsource the calls, then that reduces the overheads for my legitimately run business, thus creating a greater taxable revenue. HH will be glad of that, it will come in handy for her next "expenses" claim. Everyone's a winner.

I spent a bit of time today reading some of the comments left on The Times website and aside from finding some of them hysterically funny, I was enthused to find that the vast majority feel the woman is no more than an embarrassment to the Government at this point.

Let's face it, we have an economy on it's knees, soldiers being killed in Afghanistan because they are under equipped, anti-social behaviour and the crime rate out of control, and let's not forget MP's fiddling their expenses, and what is Harman's chosen soapbox at a critical labour conference ? Punternet, a legal website, offering legal services with a special mention to the prevention of trafficking. Excellent. I'm starting to wonder if the Tories are actually paying her, because every time she opens her mouth voters change allegiance.

On a lighter note, last night I had the outcall from heaven. He was a very nervous guy who had only met one escort previously. We had a brief drink and chat on the sofa before heading to the bedroom for two hours of unadulterated bliss. Sometimes when you "click" sexually, it can be so unexpected and that's what makes it delicious. I drove home with a massive smile on my face and thought for the millionth time that the old saying is very true, "Once you find a job you love, you never have to work again."

Edinburgh was fantastic today, I thoroughly enjoyed my visit with some old faces and some new and a young man who now fully understands what a seductive "MILF" means, hehe.

I'm off to Southampton tomorrow for the weekend for an industry social, to meet some of the people in this mad industry of ours that I care about very much, so I am thoroughly looking forward to it. ( All of this is of course dependant on whether Amanda and I get there in one piece after a seven hour road trip.)

Speak to you from there,

LL xx

Questions and Answers

In light of the recent call from Harriet Harman to remove Punternet, I had a question posed to me on the forum :

Dear Laura

Suggestions please. HH is a buffoon, I've also read and commented on your posting about Julie Bindel (similar buffoon). I have a meeting this weekend with Germaine Greer (honestly), not connected with the subject of prostitution, but who knows? Could you suggest subjects I should raise?

I'll copy for you here my reply, my feelings on the current half-baked onslaught we are fielding as sex workers :

Bindel :
-----------

What the legislature must appreciate is that prostitution will never be eradicated. Once they accept that and move to a more attainable goal of regulation, we're halfway there. Julie Bindel may call that a fatalistic point of view, I call it realistic.

I'll draw on a crude analogy. Take alcohol as an example. The vast majority of people enjoy it as a pastime and method of relaxation. There are a minority in our society who become addicted to alcohol and it becomes problematic, which in turn leads to anti-social behaviour, etc.

Is the solution then to ban the purchase of alcohol ? No.
If alcohol were banned, we would have a steady increase in the number of illegal back street bars operating with no licence, no restriction on measures or content and no concern for the welfare of the drinkers within. If the sale of alcohol is regulated, what we have is at least basic standards which must be met, regular inspections of pubs and most importantly, facilities to assist those for whom alcohol has become a problem should they need addiction counselling. I would argue that the same can be said of the purchase of sex.

If it becomes illegal to purchase sex, we will be back to backstreet brothels and by virtue of the fact that it has been driven underground, trafficking will be rife.

For me the answer has to be regulation. That means mandatory inspections of brothels, mandatory registration of brothel owners, and mandatory regular STI testing for the women. Am I the only person in this country that thinks it farcical that it's illegal to have a television without a licence, yet anyone can manage a brothel ?

I have already put a solution to Julie Bindel, rather than waste tax payers money and valuable resources on prosecuting clients, is it not better to formulate a working group for the eradication of trafficking ? Sex workers must form a part of that group, as they will have an inside knowledge of the industry. Why send a nurse in to do an architects job ?

Harman :
-------------

Her call for the removal of Punternet is no more than an exercise in increasing votes for the not too far into the distant future election, where if even "The Sun" has turned it's back on Labour, they are in deep trouble.

There are many people in the sex industry who would be delighted if the demise of PN were to go ahead for one reason and one reason only, it is the best resource on the internet for sourcing and identifying sex workers and over the years there have been many imitations with those who thought they could do better. If Punternet was taken offline, there would instantly be another ten sites to take it's place, so the effect of the removal of the site would negate any "positive" impact.

As Stella quite rightly said, the site has many advantages for all of us, not least the warnings section for sex workers in relation to dangerous clients. If we accept that prostitution will never disappear in all it's forms and if Punternet and sites of a similar ilk are taken down, what then for the welfare of women ? How do we keep one and other safe, carrier pigeon ?

Punternet has never been about allowing pimps to advertise their trafficked women, on the contrary, Galahad carries on the front page a video clip on how to recognise a trafficked woman and how to report it.

What Ms. Harman must realise in her caterwauling is that the site is perfectly legal, there is no law by which she can have the site removed, so all she can do is call for it's removal and hope for the best. Her solution to that end is laughable. She is going to approach Arnold Schwarzenegger. WHAT ?!? This is the man who has himself been in the spotlight for inappropriate conduct towards women and he's going to save the day is he ? Uh, ok.

With particular reference to Bindel, these women are not true feminists, they pay lip service to the cause as and when it suits their own needs. Keeping it in the sisterhood has long since disappeared, this is very much a case of women turning against other women, and asserting a form of supposed moral supremacy in the process.

Emmeline Pankhurst would turn in her grave.

LL xx

Continuances, celebrations and chipmunks

For those of you following the debate I blogged about last time, it continues here ;

http://www.harlots-parlour.com/2009/09/give-prositution-red-light-debate-in.html

When I say continues, it's more like banging your head against a brick wall, there are some people who really can't see the wood for the trees and no amount of logic or reasonable argument will deter them from their original goal which is the eradication of prostitution in all it's forms, regardless of who really suffers in the process. Grrr. I'm just really glad that I had the opportunity to say what I really wanted to say in the aftermath. Isn't it always the case that when you walk away from an argument ( sorry, debate ) that you think; "I wish I'd said that" ?

As strange as this may sound, I always knew I'd be a whore. ( It's ok, I've reclaimed that word to it's original definition. ) I watched every documentary and film about it and was fascinated with the strong sassy women I perceived to be a part of the industry. For the most part, that was right on the money.

The reason I organise regular ladies socials is it's absolutely brilliant to see ladies go through the preliminary polite hand shaking thing, and a couple of glasses of wine later, we're all falling off our stools laughing at the tale of the man who comes on the first Friday of every month with a pot of natural honey and some yellow marigolds. As whores, we share an understanding that no-one else will ever "get", like first time mothers meeting up at a mother and baby group. Only other members of that sacred circle will know where you're coming from. To my mind, when we are coming under fire from so many other sources, it's good to know that we have a core of empathetic and understanding colleagues to rely on.

So aside from that, what have I been up to ? Well, I've been studying my backside off for an assignment that's due for submission in ten days. Hurrah for me, a ten day deadline is unheard of, it's normally 2 days avec caffeine.

Also, Happy Birthday to us !! Who ? Moi and Big Rick of course. He's been coming to see me for a year in Aberdeen now and when he came to see me last time, he went to the trouble of bringing a birthday cake and some champagne. I've never had an escort birthday before but it was wonderful. Thank you Rick, I've attached the picture.

This coming Thursday Amanda and I are in Edinburgh for the day doing incalls and I can't wait. She doesn't know it yet but I'm dragging her off to The Vaults, which I love. It's an underground maze of the old streets of Edinburgh and reputedly haunted. As I've said before, I don't mind the real deal, but I cannot stand men in bloodied make-up jumping out at me in the dark. The next day we're leaving my car at my house and doing a joint drive to Southampton. Yes, Southampton. ROAD TRIP. We'll take it in turns to drive and I know we'll have a laugh and a half on the way.

In the meantime, my little darling has been doing a project on "The Titanic" in school. We've had the film on ad nauseum here, and the song by Celine Dion "My Heart Will Go On" is being sung, over and over again. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful song ( which I used to love ) but on the forty seventh performance, it kinda wears thin. That combined with the fact that she is singing it falsetto so that she sounds like "Alvin and The Chipmunks" makes for a Mother that is looking forward to throwing herself out a window, never mind looking forward to going back on tour.

Nite,

LL xxx